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Loon-A-TiK

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About Loon-A-TiK

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    Is there no way out of the mind? - Sylvia Plath

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    violetfire1978
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    Woman
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    The Armpit of America
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    Check me out on MySpace: MySpace URL: <br /> <br /> http://www.myspace.com/violetfire1978 <br />

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  1. to answer your question in your first post, i don't have a clue about what happened! that's just weird. i'm not a violent person at all and i can't imagine something like that being possible for people who don't have temper issues. i'm sorry that you had that experience. maybe your pdoc would know, or be able to answer questions about possibly what kind of chemical balance shift would have maybe caused it somehow. it was probably your meds for sure.
  2. well, to my great pleasure, my MIL seems to have warmed up. i got married! at our wedding, she was crying. she hugged me and kissed me. my husband said that she was happy to have me in the family. this is a much better start than what i thought was going to happen! every time i've seen her since, she's been outstandingly nice to me. i thought it was going to be a train wreck. we talk to each other through my husband or brother-in-law, and it seems to be going well. i'm happy she doesn't seem to hate me anymore! also, yes, he does celebrate christmas. he's catholic. i've been to church with him.
  3. my tdoc told me today that their practice (a county-funded practice for low income people) doesn't accept private insurance. i just got a job (and don't know how long it will last, probably a day like always) and i have private insurance. i seem to remember that they will let you pay for your treatment on a sliding scale if you have to pay out of pocket, but i'm not sure. do you think that in this case it would be better to stick with my current team (a pdoc, nurse, and tdoc) or change to one my insurance will pay for? it is cheaper to go with the insurance, true, but probably more stable to keep my team. it would cost about $200/month (actually a good deal) to see them. i don't know how this could fit into my budget. i'll have more money obviously, but i don't know how taxes will impact me. i just don't know how it feels to have to change. i've changed pdocs before, and i never liked changing, but i've never changed tdocs. in case i have to switch, because of financial reasons or because they won't accept cash payments, how do you cope with the change? what are the first sessions wtih a new tdoc like? how do you even pick a new tdoc? do you interview them or something? thanks!
  4. i'm sorry that i couldn't read through the thread, however i'll answer your first question, and that is what you're supposed to get out of therapy. i guess i can just answer that for myself, because i'm sure we all have different goals and i probably haven't heard of half the goals other people have. for me, feeling good enough about myself to change negative thoughts and habits has been a major goal in therapy. she's taught me what thoughts to challenge and how to challenge them, to the point now where they are rare. i'm not thinking that people hate me automatically anymore, just that maybe they're having a bad day or something along those lines. that's just an example. my previous negative behaviors mainly included not taking care of myself right. i'd only eat frozen food (the bad for you kind) and not exercise. i didn't get out with others and i didn't do any volunteering (i'm on SSDI so it's important for me to make the effort to socialize). i'm at the point now where i cook, exercise, and socialize. low self-esteem was a big part of my overall problem, and we've worked on that a lot too. then there were boundary issues. i didn't know when to say NO and what to say NO to. i'm better at it now, but not perfect. i don't know if i ever will be, but when i improve i get really happy about it. one day at a time!
  5. i take 20mg abilify. i tend to be really sensitive to AAPs, but abilify has been treating me good so far. i haven't had major problems with it, besides the tremors we suspect are being caused by it. i did lose a little weight when i started taking it, but that could have been also because i was feeling better and so exercising more. i *think* that most people have a good experience with it. my pdoc loves RXing it. he said it's the one he RXes the most.
  6. i'm getting married at 3pm tomorrow, so i consider my fiance's family to already be in-laws. he is 36 and his mom is 68. the first time i met her, i didn't know how to greet her, so i shook her hand. i was supposed to do this kiss on the cheek 3 times thing and i didn't know that. he didn't tell me! so that's strike 1. i think she just hated me after that, or jsut didn't want to know me. or maybe she's just a bat. i don't know! but anyway, she makes me feel very uncomfortable around her. i feel like she hates me. my fiance says she doesn't hate me, but that she just doesn't know me. well then! today we were visiting at her house, and she called him in to talk to her in private 3 times. i was just sitting there. isn't that rude? if she wanted to talk, she should have called him, asked him to come over, and talked in private all she wanted. i didn't have to be there just sitting there. i had better things to do, like do something for the wedding. before the first time i met her, i told my fiance "i'm prepared to be hated". i think my dire prediction has come true! why did she have these discussions wtih him? am i being paranoid here? maybe they were discussing the weather! how can i get her to like me? should i just get her cool christmas presents?
  7. i like to think of this when i start to panic about my finances, and believe me, with being on SSDI i panic all the time... i think that because i'm more stable than i was a little while ago, that i'll be able to use the mental and emotional energy the BP would be taking up on creatively figuring out how to beat my situation. you know, it does work. the more stability you get, the easier it is to think about strategy. i think that's kind of what sucks though. when we really need our wits, they're not there. at least, i know that's true for me. your copays must suck! can your pdoc give you samples to help you out until you can get a grip on how to pay out the extra for the copays? you burned bridges prior to your DX...maybe work with your tdoc on how to rebuild those you'd like to rebuild. having people in your corner never hurts. we're in your corner!
  8. you really carry around a lot of self-blame. i've noticed that lately with alot of us. i do it too! we blame ourselves for our disorder(s) and everything else possible. we have this guilt complex. i think it's natural for us to blame ourselves when we have people in this world who love us, but who just don't get it. they think it's something that we could control...if we were just motivated enough, we could somehow break through everything holding us back. that isn't the case. what makes it possible is stability. you don't get that with diet and exercise, but those things do help. not even all the meds in the world can bring it for some of us. even on meds, for example, i feel the cycles. i do think you should get that $20 and go to the pdoc. when you ask your parents for money, the worst they could say is no! but they're not going to say no, because they know you need the pdoc. $20 probably isn't a lot of money for them, but it is for you (and me too!). tell your pdoc everything. have your pdoc help you straighten out your thoughts, and at least enlighten you as to what has been going on with you mood-wise. i'm sorry about how you feel that your friend is leaving. that's a hard one! i'm also sorry that i could only read snatches of your long post. my attention span sucks.
  9. Tommy- i really admire that you're listening to your docs, and doing the best thing for YOU by leaving. from what you've said in the past, she is abusive and no one deserves that, especially someone as sensitive and caring as yourself. it's a good thing that your ex wife still loves you and wants to reconcile. best wishes! leave however you have to leave. don't feel at all bad if you have to leave a letter. that's what you need to do if you feel you need to do it that way. i left my first husband with a letter and never regretted that i left that way. i left him during a mania and had some second thoughts at times after i was well, but now i'm very happy i did. it will get easier in time with the love and support from your first wife. you had a strong foundation together, and she'll accept your disorder and love you for you. - loon
  10. we talked about the failure to clean before, but because it was awhile ago and there are a lot of new members, i thought i'd do a Part 2. i had junk piled up ceiling high in my closet, which is the size of a small office, complete with window. i hadn't cleaned it since i moved in 2 1/2 years ago! since then, all i did when i "cleaned" my apartment was just put more stuff in the closet. now, because my fiance is moving in, i had to clean the closets in the apartment to make room for him. i had to go through all that stuff, and it took a couple of DAYS. so, that was a part of my failure to clean. then, there's the trash. if it's paper trash, i let it pile up in the trash can, because the trash bags are big and i don't want to waste extra room in the bag. my fiance doesn't like this, so now i have to get them when they're almost full, and not full like i want to then there are pieces of furniture in here that are broken, or whatever. my mom saves these things, because they're old and they're her treasures. they need to go! but i don't want my mom over, so they're sitting here in the living room. my fiance is having a cow. i promised they'd be gone by the time he moves in. knowing me, it will be right before our ceremony. i'll be getting rid of these tables instead of getting my hair done or something . then, there are the dishes. i do the dishes daily because of him, but i used to be in the habit of doing them every few days (it was just me after all). now he's obsessed with the dishes and while he won't say anything, he won't be happy if i don't have them done daily for when he comes over. it sucks. i'm not a super slob, but i'm someone who lives in her apartment. my apartment was never neat freak clean. now, he's a neat freak, so it has to be neat freak clean. i'm going to neat freak the whole place before he moves in, and then from then on do my share of picking up, but make him go crazy with it if that's what he wants. i'm not going to spend an hour a day cleaning when it doesn't need it. we have different definitions of "needs it", but i don't see how 2 people can possibly make an hour's worth of mess in one day. i don't think he's OCD, but possiby. i had two bfs previously who i bet anything were OCD about cleaning. one had chemical burns on his hands, and his hands would bleed from cleaning so much with heavy chemicals. that's a neat freak.
  11. i'm sorry you're dealing with a lot of garbage and have a lot on your mind. did you just quit lamictal? do you have a mood stabilizer?
  12. thank you, thank you! i'm not the only one around here who can't spell the "aka" word! i'm sorry you're in the hospital. get well soon! i take 20mg Abilify. it could be contributing to my shakes and tremors, but we don't know because i take so many things. i'm pretty happy on it though, so i'll keep taking it. it knocked out my last depression, along with a lamictal increase.
  13. Do you love it? it was pretty good while i was taking it What changes did you notice? i just felt my moods become way more anchored How quickly does it start working? it was working in a couple of weeks What is your serum level? 900 for me How much water do you drink a day? more than a gallon! i took Li when i was in college, after college, and years later during an umployed time when i was in the work force. it's a really good med and does really work well for a lot of people. of course there are people who like it and don't, but i think overall it has its share of fans. one of my good friends who is also bipolar has taken it for 20 years and hardly ever has problems. the only problem i had with it (and this was a huge problem being a college student) was that it made me ULTRA-STUPID. i mean dumber than a whole pile of rocks. really stupid. i've talked about some of the weird things it did to me here before. hopefully, that was just what it did to me and it won't make anyone else stupid.
  14. waterfall, i think it's good that you got a DX, and that you have a name and definition for what is bothering you and making your life hell. you still have to deal with the issues we do, just wtih a different underlying cause. i also have the machine gun fantasies. do you ever feel that way in the store when they won't stop playing christmas music? - loon
  15. we've already got the standard in-law hate going on, and i just got engaged. his mom hates me because i didn't know how in her culture to greet her when i first met her (3 kisses on the cheek- now i know), so i shook her hand. she thought i was rude. now, my fiance is the subject of scorn. my mom was talking about how she doesn't like vegas and doesn't think we should go there to get married and for our honeymoon, and he said t her "you're not the one going there!". OOHHHH- my mom is furious. how can i not only get his mom to like me, considering that she doesn't speak english, and how can i get my mom to like him? i feel really trapped in all of this. it's etiquette for his mother to invite mine to lunch to get to know each other, but i don't think his mom knows this, so my mom would have to invite her. however, i'm positive it wouldn't go over well. our families are so different (well, his family is from lebanon, so of course they're different!). my family is just outright weird. i want all of this to go well. help! i need everyone to like everyone else, and i don't know if it's possible to broker a peace deal.
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