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Inmate Emeritus
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About faith

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    Can you see this, too?

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    writing, reading (voraciously, across many genres), studying Catholic theology, video gaming (mostly RPGs with the occasional strategy type), cross-stitch, baking, and coloring.
  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to grieve, because this is still your loss, even if you have had mixed feelings about it. Of course you're going to care! Not knowing whether you wanted the baby yet doesn't mean that s/he wasn't a part of you while you decided. Please be gentle with you. especially in the days to come.
  2. dan

    Hi faith.

    I hope all is well with you. I have PM's turned off so this is my only place to type a HI.

    take care

  3. Something I have learned is that few decisions in life have to be made *right this second.* Throw yourself headlong into one decision when you're (understandably!) upset and agitated about the situation, and you may end up regretting it when the smoke has had time to clear. Granted, you obviously don't have all the time in the world to decide what to do right now, but chances are, it's still pretty early in the game, right? And that is assuming you even ARE pregnant. Sometimes when your hormones are out of whack after having a baby, you can feel pregnancy-like symptoms while they sort themselves out. That has happened to me before, and it's scary as hell! And that panicked, insufferably long wait for the red hag to show up is just brutal. Take a pregnancy test as soon as you can. You need to know where you stand before you can do anything. Lots of clinics offer them for free, but they even sell them at most dollar stores now, and they really do work as well as the pricey ones, in my experience. ; ) Get that much off your mind. Then you will have the information you need to make a decision on what's next. Just look at it calmly, one piece a time, one step at a time, until you end up where you need to be. Don't let your mind wander all over the place with worries of "how would this work!" and etc. etc. It is natural to fall into that, but it's not helpful. Stay focused. These are all tricks I use, though not just about pregnancy scares. ; ) I hope they will help you with your anxiety a little as they have helped me. I will say, in the interest of full disclosure, that I personally don't support abortion. Not saying that to start a flamewar. I just urge you to remember that, although mentally illl mamas who aren't in the best place right now and have recent babies to think of are going to have to be fighters, it CAN be done and I think every such mama would tell you it was worth it. If you should decide in the future you'd like to hear about my own story (my first two are 18 months apart, not quite so close as yours would be, but still close enough to hopefully provide you with some reassurance), just PM me and I'd be happy to talk to you about it. Either decision is a life-changing one that will always be a part of you. That is why I suggest just slowing down a moment and letting your heart and breathing slow before you lay everything out and decide what the next step of your journey is. And you know your friends here on this board will hold your hand on the way if you need to keep venting and talking it out. We're here for you!
  4. I've got to agree with CNS. You don't know how it will affect you until you try, and you can always try something else if it doesn't work out. Lithium has saved my life, I don't mean that in a drama queen way, but it has stabilized me like nothing else I've tried and I've been on the usual Depakote, Topamax, etc. I gained no weight at all from it and only get shaky if I don't keep my fluids up. I can't tell you it will be like that for you, but it should give you some hope that not everyone gets the same dreaded side effects from it. You won't know unless you give it a shot. Try to look at it as a trial period instead of a lifetime commitment. Just my two cents' worth.
  5. I'm sorry, I can't recall having anxiety problems when nursing mine. Is the anxiety worse all the time then, or just when nursing? Is it interfering with your letdown? Maybe you could try some relaxing breathing techniques while you're nursing. I'm not too sure about the rest of the time. I hope you feel better, child led weaning is very admirable. I never managed it with any of mine but I would have liked to.
  6. HERRO!

    Just cruisin' by to post a HI for you!

    I <3 my Faith!

  7. Horses and bunnies? Damn, now I feel cheated. I don't have a phobia of spiders, though I can't say I ever cared for them even when they weren't trying to control my mind.
  8. Everyone wants attention all the time. Some just hide it better than others under a veneer of false modesty. You're too. hard. on. yourself. Next time you get bold font instead of dots for emphasis, consider yourself warned. As to the rest, I think I can understand the not-having-words for it thing. It's so frustrating! But it will pass. The words will come and the harder you try to force it into words, the more of a headache you'll get and not much else (if your brain is anything like mine, anyway). Sorry this isn't more helpful. I'm thinking of you, if that counts.
  9. I just moved recently and I'm having a really hard time. I was doing okay especially since starting Geodon but it's like everything has just fallen apart. For one thing it's taken me forever to get this much out, I don't know I'll bother posting it. But. The voices have been coming back even with the meds. And a spider on my window was reading my thoughts and trying to control my mind the other day. I can laugh about it now, but at the time I was petrified. Which makes me feel a lot pathetic. I'm still kind of iffy about the telepathic abilities of spiders, just so you know. It felt just that real. Kind of creepy. My memory is worse than usual, I have whole conversations that I apparently can't dredge back up later. I truly just have this fog in my head, I can't really describe it, but there are clear patches in it where I see just fine. I am between pdocs so I am not sure what I am supposed to do. It's just happening so fast! Or it feels like that to me. Anyway, I guess I want to hear I'm not alone, this too shall pass, etc. etc. I mean, who else am I going to be discussing mind controlling spiders with? Any coping tips appreciated.
  10. They will usually go away on their own. That said, if it gets large enough it can cause problems and need to be removed surgically. That happened to me. That is pretty much a good summary of how my health generally goes, though
  11. Mucus discharge is perfectly normal unless it is greenish, has a funky smell, cottage-cheesy or "foamy." Those are all signs of infection. Your body is going to be making more of this because your fertility is returning. If you chart your cycles (yes I'm big on that) you will notice an actual pattern to your mucus that corresponds to your level of fertility. I'd imagine with your hormones a little out of whack coming off of the pill, that pattern might not be easily discernible right now. The stabbing pains could be a million different things- if it keeps up I'd have it checked out, were it me. Oh yes, let me disclaim now that I'm not a doctor, so keep that in mind when reading the above.
  12. If he says he doesn't love you, I would take him at his word, cut him loose and move on. There is no way short of telepathy of knowing whether he is just "in denial" and is it really worth staking your heart on it if he never stops denying it or really DOESN'T have those feelings? You deserve better than that. However much you enjoy the relationship, isn't that enjoyment muddied a little by these denials of his and now the online chicks he's checking out? Again...you deserve better than that. He may not want to use you, but in my opinion (and take it with salt for I am no mind reader) he still is. Just my two cents...as I said, take it with salt, you know the situation better than I do.
  13. I'm just updating this in case someone comes along with the same question and wants to know how it turned out for, well, one other person. Heh. It's been a couple of weeks now since the increase and the fatigue has pretty much disappeared. I still notice a decrease in energy but nothing intolerable and I'm not falling asleep all the time. However, because no silver lining exists without a cloud, my pdoc increased the dosage by another 40 mg and that has returned some of my fatigue, though I know why- my blood pressure keeps dropping on me now. It was 80/54 at my appointment on Tuesday which is not typical for me. So I will probably be going back to the dose I was on when I wrote the original post, unless I can keep myself from fainting by force of will alone So my advice for any imaginary readers is to make sure your blood pressure is doing OK if you're experiencing fatigue on Geodon- they might actually be related. And thanks again for the advice VE!
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