Chantho

I just started taking Trintellix a few days ago. I'm lucky that so far (although I'm not up to where she wants me yet), I'm not having any side effects. Fingers crossed that sticks. I'm really, really hoping it'll work for the OCD/anxiety.... I still have trouble calling it OCD, but I'm going to have to get past the denial one day.

That's a thought, @TheBeetle'sCellar. I'll keep that in mind for the cold/flu season.

Thanks. I've gotten blackcurrant juice which doesn't help the longevity of the cold, but it does ease the sore throat when drunk warm.

That makes sense. Appreciate it!

Around October or so, I started what I've been calling either a mixed state or a period of rapid cycling. But the mood shifts tend to be very mild most of the time, and they last very short periods. I went through two days of a significantly depressed mood with suicidal ideation this week and a couple weeks, one at a time, of moderate elevation (still hypomania but approaching manic levels). That's as severe as it's gotten in that time frame. Is this typical with being well-medicated? I don't mind it; it's really not that troublesome, and it's short enough that I can still believe each short blip will end. But I'm curious as to whether I should ask about a final slight tweak, or if this is standard (for all I know most of the blips are normal highs and lows people without mood disorders experience).

Almost on topic but not really: Is that Fizgig in your pic? I just watched The Dark Crystal Tuesday at the cinema. Hadn't seen it in about 14 years.

The video may be a bit unsettling. I couldn't watch it at first. There are two people wearing gigantic papier mache heads. It's cute, though. And, her voice is just amazing to me.

I talked to him about it. He said it's because I control every aspect of their upbringing. Thing is, I've tried to get him involved. Every time, he's said "I don't know" in a defeated voice. He's started doing a little more with them. Not much. Mostly, when he's home, he wants to be on his computer playing games. In a way, I understand. He works up to 60 hours a week. I'm not 100% certain of his upbringing, but the impression I get is that it was very inconsistent. Permissive until they got tired of him doing what he shouldn't. Then they exhibited abusive behaviors or at least strong anger. Anyway, the discussion ended in a fight. He totally didn't give me the silent treatment. He just doesn't know how to word things, so he just doesn't say anything. Until I apologize. But, as I say, he's stepped up a bit. And I've stepped back a bit. I'm trying to ask him to do less. I'm also trying to involve him in decisions regarding the boys as often as possible, even letting him just take the wheel whether I think what he's doing is for the best. He's gotten better. It's something.

My hypomanic episodes usually last anywhere from a couple weeks to a month. There was the exception of what I suspect was hypomania that lasted roughly 6 months, but that was years ago. I am at what I hope is the tail end of a six-month period of rapid-ish cycling. Two weeks depressed, four weeks, hypo, four days distinctly dysphoric hypo/manic, a week depressed... and so on in that manner, if not the pattern. I kind of wonder, thinking back on that period ten years ago, if that long episode was actually like this one. I kinda feel like there we days here and there where I was depressed or dysphoric, but I'm not sure, because I wasn't diagnosed then, so I didn't know the various symptoms/signs, or how to track the moods and such, and it's a blur, so it's hard for me to really determine what had happened then. But, yeah. My hypomania tends to run short.

It almost never reaches full-on mad, although it approaches it. I mainly don't get mad about it because part of me feels it isn't my place. I'm a stay-at-home mom. For this reason, I'm the one who messages the teacher with concerns/updates/requests for updates. I'm the one who keeps track of lunch accounts, doctor's appointments, medications, events, favorites, sizes, medical history for everyone including his family, finances... and so on. Even when it's events for his family (his sister's wedding, for example), I keep track of everything. That bit is logical, even if it at times feels a little much for one person considering a person with a "real" job would have times when they're not responsible for the goings-on at their place of employment, but I almost always accept and understand it. However, where the frustration comes into play is things such as my husband not wanting to have the account info to look at the boys' report cards or for the classroom behavior/messaging/social media-like system in order to get updates or message the teacher if, say, I'm in the hospital or out of town for a funeral or something. Or maybe knowing about their growth/current health. Or working on their behavior aside from punishing (something I'd really like to get away from because my understanding is it's usually less effective/potentially harmful) It feels like he's not as concerned about their development/education as I'd expect from a parent. He doesn't know his sons' friends' names (including the girl G says he's discussed marriage with lol). As I say, it's just frustration, largely borne out of sadness (aside from when I'm mentally exhausted from keeping track of 575,000 different things haha). However, I'd really like to tell him how I'm feeling about it. Any suggestions on how to adequately express this without it sounding accusatory/whiny/critical?

I will start doing a thing where, if they get up at 7, they can have some sort of activity with me, whether that's a card game, a story... a card game. Okay, I'm having trouble coming up with ideas for that. From there, I have a set(ish - I know there will be hiccups/modifications sometimes) schedule for each day. Most days, they'll do homework in the evening and a bath in the afternoon. I do think that may work, especially if they're feeling a bit frazzled from school and don't even realize it. It could be a relaxation thing? I set up some positive behaviors-rewards and ended the bit where I add a day to their grounding for temper outbursts. I am, however, going to continue what grounding time they've earned so far. I may also keep the removing an extra for each day they go without a tantrum. I'm feeling (a bit) more rational and calm. Now I'm just feeling down/guilty over my horrible reaction to the rage.

They have a pretty solid routine during the week. I start waking 60-90 minutes before they have to be at school. Then they eat breakfast, T has his bath, and then they get dressed. That was the routine. Then T started losing sleep because he'd wake at 6 to play on the computer/LeapTV, so I took away screen time, and that made mornings far more difficult. When they get home, they do homework, and then have free time most days until dinner at 6. Then they start getting ready for bed at the same time in the same order. I may try the specific food or drink in the morning to get them up thing. That may help. Punishing is very clearly not working, but I don't know how to apply positive consequences effectively. And, my husband doesn't believe they're effective whether you do them perfectly or not. I don't know why. He was repeatedly punished, and it didn't have positive results. Maybe I could start waking them earlier and play a board game or read with them. And, if I start waking them earlier, they'll start going to bed earlier. Maybe I could adjust the routine so they could have baths after school and homework time after dinner so, if morning or evening become difficult I don't have to worry about that, and if the afternoon becomes difficult, I still have the evening or morning. Those two times are their most frequent ragey times. Or, maybe I could do what my favorite YouTuber's parents did and get them hooked on coffee. (That's a joke... although a teensy drop of me wonders if it'd work.)

Even if it's just genetics, isn't it still on me since I chose to have kids? At this point, my six-year-old has lost all screen time for an insanely long amount of time. I'd started a thing where I'd add a day for every day they had a rage and remove an extra day for every day they didn't. They rarely go a day without one. These involve them hurting me and, when that doesn't work, hurting each other. Physically and emotionally. We can't afford psych testing and therapy, and we can't afford insurance that will cover it. I've thought about changing the behavior-consequence system in some way, but I don't know in what way I can do it. I've thought that specific good behaviors could earn specific rewards and specific bad behaviors negative consequences. I'd probably have to start them out with a clean slate. Nothing seems to affect them.