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nerf

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About nerf

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  1. That makes perfect sense. Thanks so much Reddog. I'll just hang out and let him fix me. Thanks, Huggles, nerf/eden
  2. Do you think if you wrote him a letter, explaining that you need to count on a certain amount of time a year where you come first. Ask him to help you find a compromise that he can committ to, and if he tries to give you an excess... tell him they are not valid for this. You can tell him that if he cannot give you at least that, you will find an agency or authority who will make him commit to someone (a mediator) because you have a right to a "present" father. Those are just my two cents. I'm also quite confrontive and try to "take back my power". No one will fill our needs for us. We have to take care of ourselves. Good luck whichever path you decide. Either way, you deserve the respect and if he can't give it to you, you could possibly find a mentor. Not the same, but it will be better than the alternative. My two cents, nerf/eden
  3. No, No, No... that is not slang for anything porn. *waves bye to the guy readers* I am grateful for all of the posts I receiving under "newbie & nervous". I no longer feel that name represents me. In sharing with Firefly that this is so hard because I compare myself to Wonderwoman (she's my hero... I'm not a Lesbian... not that there is anything wrong with that.... *waves bye to the remaining male readers* I have gotten a number of PMs where people are congratulating me on my successes and I am happy to be an inspiration. Please also keep in mind that I am in an extremely raw state and I am barely functioning. It confuses doctors when I tell them I have a greatly reduced ability to function because it seems like my days are quite full. The thing is, I am a master at time management and scheduling and I can be involved in an advisory capacity on a number of committees because they only meet quarterly. I do not actually do much aside from tell them my thoughts... audit/review what they have done and make suggestions for their futures. Before I go on... I wan to directly address some of the common words that have been given to me my a number of you all and I have some questions/comments on a few of them and I welcome your remarks. If you are new to this thread, you can read its history under "new and neverous" by nerf on this server/area. Comments: Courage... I am not sure. I honestly felt I had no good alternative. The worse times were when I was choosing between two evils. An example would be deciding living with the anxiety of a new breast cancer (90% chance) and a (60%) of getting Ovarian Cancer - where there is no true early detection nor surveillance other than visually via laproscopic surgery. It's hard for me to accept being admired unless it actually serves to inspire another. I feel that to my core, I want to live, and unfortunately have gone up against more than my share of life threatening traumas. I am also just learning that the doctors who treat the mentally interesting do not have a lot of experience in treating young women who have endured mutliple medical and personal traumas. The confusing twist for them is that I am extremely good at what I do and I focuss all my efforts to giving back to the greater of womankind. That said, I am having this "drug reaction" but I do not question that I did go on them for a reason and that I need to help my doc figure that out so I can start applying the necessary techniques and start moving on. So... getting back to where we started, I really need your help in helping me help my doctor. It take so long for me to "hear" new concepts as I feel that I must understand them on their level in order to make a decision. With so many near death experiences, and such a strong desire to live, very few surgical docs and anesthicians are on my A-List. My new friends, I am not used to asking for this type of help. I am used to the one providing it. I am asking... and of the doctors, I am respectfully demanding, that my body chemistry be understood and monitored before they do guess work. This week I am supposed to be waiting for the new cocktail to kick in. I was on 15 mg of Lexapro and freaked out. (details in my newbie log... new and nervous) I am taking 10 mg Lexapro, 25 mg seroqual at night, klonapon if i need it which has been once a day so far. I have already taken one. It may be a 2k day. For this week, I am doing what I need to do to help myself become calm. I joined a local social club where they have a day spa. Starting tomorrow, my hubby and I will each have two spa treatments. We have never spent money on ourselves this way but we really need to heal and have given ourselves a week. I joined this morning and we will all go over later or tomorrow. I feel so weird.... Life is great yet I'm still freaking out. Dear Hubby is taking over the finances at this very moment and I honestly believe that will relieve a LOT of my stress. ta ta for now eden/nerf
  4. This is just a pic I have on my puter for work stuff. I'll need to look around for one that's more ME. Huggles and good night. Time for my adorable hubby.
  5. Thanks for asking... my tongue is still sore. I'll take a klon after this post. Thanks. Hmmmmm.... SK name.... it's not going to be nerf and whatever it is going to be... i hope i can update my profile.... The will to survive.... something brave... something that loves life yet wonders why her vessel keeps challenging her... although she is finding she has gifts.... Inspiring.... I want the SK to become whole and then inspiring.... her name is EDEN. I am going to figure out how to update my name.... please call me Eden.
  6. Doh! You are in Oregon. I have Dory-like memory. Some people think I don't care... I honestly do not remember. Most things I write down. Do you have a store called Hobby Lobby near you? - nerf
  7. PiratePurple... riddle me this... am I manic? I think flutterfly is right in that i am depressed and severely anxious. The question remains... am I manic? I would like to buy another clue please? Whether or not you chose to utilize who you are in a way to earn money, that's totally up to you. If it's a matter of an hours worth of coaching, I would be happy to discuss in PMs. I'm not a professional and all I will try to do is to see if you have any low hanging fruit. Also, I am not in love with your environment with the name you've given it. If you are comfortable, will you PM or let me know if you are near atlanta? One more question, IF one is manic, how would treatment differ? Also, I feel like I need to ask if I should take a clon? BLAH nerf
  8. *waves* Nice to meet you. I'm seriously changing my picture. I look like I'm trying to sell you something... and I'm not... BLAH! *start over* Hi! I'm nerf. I'm new... I'm trying to figure what, if anything, I have. A "doctor" put me on lexapro and i started freaking out... and my cries for help went ignored for a long time. Folks here helped me stay sane enough to find my own help. That's why I also don't know why these boards are called crazyboards. How do we petition to change it to www.mentallyinteresting.org I would chip in for that! I think a peer support environment full of brain experts is a wealth of intersting information that should be assessed and valued. No? Or, does this thought make me crazy? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I over process. But I always turn it into money. Is that bad? HELP OH, and I apparently *cough cough* make everything about me. I think it's a maturity issue but I ... I.... *stop* -nerf
  9. I am struggling still in wondering if I am manic. I am now wondering if I am over analyzing it like my mother says I ALWAYS DO. Somehow I am beginning to think that this may be my truth. But does that make me paranoid? But then, how could it not scare someone? I guess this is describing my inner dialogue as I freak out. As I just did. I've starting counting 5 seconds and saying to myself "flutterfly" with each count. I think of flutterfly telling me to relax and breath and it's been working. It's now 7:25 and I have not taken a clon. Though... am I being a martar? Should I take one and not worry about it? I'm so confused and afraid to make a decision. *breathing* Anyone out there???? Please? I really need to understand myself so I can heal myself. I'm not having fun with this so yes... I guess this is effecting/interfering in my life but I have no clue why. Okay... Mr. Greenjeans may be responsible... do you think????? I really cannot imagine my life without him though. He's been my friend for 23 years... especially through all the chemotherapy and illnesses. This is very hard and please know this is the VERY FIRST TIME I have ever been this honest. I am also going to aks my husband what he thinks. I just don't know. If anything... I think this is not the time to stop but to shift.. I looked at a social club today and really enjoyed it. We are both going back tomorrow and wll probably join. I also worked out and it felt great. I am hoping that being there (they have WiFi) working out, working, eating... he won't be around me until the evening at least. Thoughts? nerf
  10. Spike, I look forward to your possible return. If not, please know you have made a difference in my life and I want to thank you for it. Very sincerely, nerf
  11. Sorry for the hiccupped reply. I'm on a new laptop and the mousepad is apparantly VERY sensitive. Sorry again. nerf
  12. Inflated sense of self importance - Define... because I know I am very important. Is that inflated? *shrugs* No clue Decreased need for sleep - Never. I must sleep or I'm miserable Increased talkativeness - Always (and same with my daughter and her non-stop mouth is driving me nuts which bothers me) Flight of ideas or racing thoughts - Always Easily distracted - Always Increased goal-directed activity - Almost everything I do is goal directed so I'm not sure how to answer that. Excessive involvement in activities that can bring pleasure but may have disastrous consequences (e.g. sexual affairs and spending excessively.) - Smoking pot, spending more than I really should To be dx'ed as "manic" you need at least 3-4 (depending on where you look) of those symptoms. Plus, it needs to be for 4+ days. What are your thoughts????? -nerf
  13. Inflated sense of self importance - Define... because I know I am very important. Is that inflated? *shrugs* No clue Decreased need for sleep - Never. I must sleep or I'm miserable Increased talkativeness Flight of ideas or racing thoughts Easily distracted Increased goal-directed activity Excessive involvement in activities that can bring pleasure but may have disastrous consequences (e.g. sexual affairs and spending excessively.) To be dx'ed as "manic" you need at least 3-4 (depending on where you look) of those symptoms. Plus, it needs to be for 4+ days.
  14. Inflated sense of self importance - Define... because I know I am very important. Is that inflated? *shrugs* No clue Decreased need for sleep Increased talkativeness Flight of ideas or racing thoughts Easily distracted Increased goal-directed activity Excessive involvement in activities that can bring pleasure but may have disastrous consequences (e.g. sexual affairs and spending excessively.) To be dx'ed as "manic" you need at least 3-4 (depending on where you look) of those symptoms. Plus, it needs to be for 4+ days.
  15. Wow... those people who are judging you and being very vocal about it must need a lot of help. What right does anyone have to judge your decisions? I think people who judge others like that work very hard at achieving mythical perfection. Or, possibly they are jealous which is just as ugly. I think the SCA is super neat and you must be a beautiful person to belong to such a fun organization/community. What kinds of things are you involved in with them? I enjoy listening to the cooks and I usually hang out with the women in the sewing circle. Very fun and good people indeed. cheers! -nerf
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