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About Nyx

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  1. Thanks for the replies. I'm still going through the motions (ie work etc), but I'm just not seeing the point and I'm so tired of it. I get that despression is a trickster, That trickster has seen me though more med-changes than I care to remember. And still it goes on. I'm not that tear-your-hair-out, bang your head against the wall, miserable way, i'm just weary. I have an appointment with doc, but you know how that goes... weeks away.
  2. I feel that I have no fight left in me. ...and it doesn't really make sense to want to fight anymore. Guess the latest lot of meds aren't working anymore either. I'm tired of the med-roundabout. Tired of always coming back to the same place. Tired of me.
  3. I hope you're safe. In answer to your question between the dividing line of self harm and suicide, I guess as Tryp said, it's intent and that would be determined by wound placement, depth etc. So I'd imagine wounds to your wrist would be the first indicator. As for you talking your way out of hospitalisation, depending on the need for hospital beds, it might not have been that hard; so yes - depends which country/state/town you're in. Are you sure talking your way out of a hospital bed was the right thing to do? You may have received some much needed help.
  4. Like The Emperor, I didn't know I was different, and I'm still not certain that I'm all that different. The longer I travel the more people I come across who are mentally ill, but it's still kept quiet because of the stigma still attached to it. There are a LOT of us (people) around who feel exactly the same but just don't let on to anyone else because we think we are so different. Feeling disconnected is a symptom of mental illness.
  5. As Mrsloony noted, irritability is commonly a symptom of depression. It is also associated with 'agitated depression' which is also known as 'mixed state', 'dysphoric mania', or 'mixed episode' and the last three terms are connected to BP. Despite its label, it won't necessarily react favourably/unfavourably/reliably to a particular medication. I too was once a vanilla depressive and in hindsight, irritabilty (SNRI induced is my guess) that spiralled into boundless frustration that felt it wouldn't be statisfied by anything short of murder was the first indication that I was heading in
  6. Just a word of caution... The article from psychiatrist.com is... Mental Illness May Be Damaging to Your Brain. From the healthyplace.com article... A lengthy review article by Carrie Bearden PhD et al of the University of Pennsylvania published in Bipolar Disorders cites "findings of persistent neuropsychological deficits" in long-term bipolar patients, even when tested in symptom-free states. The relationship between these deficits and length of illness led the authors to suggest that "episodes of depression and mania may exact damage to learning and memory systems." and t
  7. Within the bounds of my usual negative disposition I thought you'd misspelt "well-ville" and you actually meant "...back to a state of normal, stable, all is well - "vile" existence. Heh! And in an abrupt about face... have you tried cognitive/behavioural therapy? It can be especially tailored to teach you how to deal with stress and to teach you new thinking strategies (such as teaching you how to think more positively...and that does NOT mean 'optimistically'). Of course whether you choose to implement the techniques or ditch it is up to you. <shrug> BUT, medication isn't lik
  8. Not many researchers seem interested in debating it anymore. General consensus seems to be that if something doesn't go through short-term memory, it doesn't ever make it to long-term memory. However, someone who has a damaged short-term memory and can no longer make new memories can still retain some long-term memories, but it doesn't seem to work the other way around. For those who suffer memory loss, you might get some useful info by doing a search on 'transient global amnesia'...or as noemie suggested it could be related to 'emotional amnesia'. Good luck.
  9. FWIW Wikipedia has "worse in the morning" listed under symptoms of "melancholic" depression.
  10. I won't be challenging you to chess anytime in the future.
  11. I have never been Dx as BP although I suffer 'agitated' depression (is there a difference?) but I too suffer from the sensory overload. For approx 6 months I couldn't drive a car because things like making sure it was safe to turn onto a road required too much forcus on a specific stimuli. Driving in and out of shadows nearly killed me (I was so jumpy that I nearly ran off the road)...heh, I can read the headlines..."Person killed by Shadow". Maybe your pdoc isn't that far off. With a mixute of ADs, Seroquel (100-200mg) and time, I got past it. But, with the Seroquel and some of the oth
  12. My sister succeeded on the 3rd attempt. and yes, she left a note. Having suffered MDD, she had been on (varying) ADs most of her life and in therapy. She had also studied psychology and become a counsellor so was well aware of what avenues were open to her. After her 2nd attempt she was kept on a locked ward for 2 days before the resident psychiatrist decided she wasn't at risk of committing suicide (good decision doc ) I guess she'd done all she was capable of doing. As AM said, the act is devastating no matter whether there is a note or not. And depending on what the note says, it
  13. These can be symptoms of depression. When I was at my worst, I thought others were speaking in a foreign language. As I improved, I understood words but they seemed like they were simply words strung together without coherent meaning. Sentences didn't seem to have any underlying logic. And of course brain fog is infamous! You didn't say whether you were on medication, but it certainly sounds as though you need some type of med that has an anti-depressant effect. If you aren't on meds, a GP would be the place to start, but if you've already begun the med-go-around, perhaps just a referr
  14. Nestling, if you just wanted to complain, then I've taken this post a bit too seriously and for that I apologise in advance. Like Gemini, I don't think every problem or distortion in thinking can be laid at the door of depression. Quite often our 'distorted' cognitions exist outside depression but depression FEEDS off them. Looking at your post, there are a lot of thoughts that *I* think need to be challenged. (remember, thins is just my opinion). If you choose to answer the questions I've asked, I certainly don't expect you to do it publicly. I'm lazy...(I'm assuming this is a compl
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