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Cheshire Kitty Cat

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About Cheshire Kitty Cat

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    Crazy Cat Lady

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    School,psychology, psychiatrics, physical sciences, movies, cooking, sports, music, being outside.
  1. If you were a diabetic, would you refuse medication? Would you feel ashamed that your body cannot regulate and control your blood sugar? It's upsetting to face the fact that there is something wrong with your body. (NOT YOU!! YOUR BODY). But now that you know there's a problem, you need to address. I've pretty much known all my life I was bipolar. I didn't want to face it bc, who wants to be bipolar? I finally got to the point where I couldn't even fake being "ok" anymore, my diagnosis was a bit of a blow (even though it wasn't a surprise), but now I knew what I was dealing with. There are times when my moods stil dictate things I do and don't do, but I feel I have more control now. I would def recommend talking to a pdoc about a mood stabilizer, it can make things a lot smoother.....and prevent going full-blown manic or entering a mixed state.
  2. I'm extremely jumpy as well, doesn't really matter what state of mind I'm in. Even if I'm super depressed, there's good chance I'll jump a few feet in the air if somebody comes up behind me. If I'm in a familiar environment like work, home, or friends houses I'm still a bit jumpy. but if I'm out in public or some sort of large gathering I'm all fight or flight. I usually don't mind when my friends jump out and scare me at work, I know my reaction is pretty entertaining lol However, in unfamiliar settings things can go bad real fast, whether there's an actual threat or not. Also if I'm not awake and alert yet or already pretty irritated when something startles me ill be in a pretty shitty mood for a good few hours. Mainly bc I'm all worked up and unable to concentrate on starting my day.
  3. Raspberry What is the song that annoys you the most?
  4. I'm not as stressed lately so it's been less off a problem, but it still likes to pop up on the inside of my knees.
  5. Do you think the exact opposite happens quite a bit too? Lol I bet that's pretty funny! "I was shopping for wakeboards, but kept getting redirected to a bunch of crazy people postings" haha
  6. I don't care what people think, but I care about what they say. They can spread stigma and ignorance. A person may not even have an opinion or stance on MI, but since some idiot opened there mouth that person now has been exposed to a negative and unfounded opinion presented as "factual information".
  7. Summer. I love feeling the heat on my skin, and the long days. If you could turn one of the negative traits of your MI into a "super power", which one would it be? (Ex: Severe depression = being able to stop time. )
  8. That makes sense. I'll say "I want to go home" even when I am home. I live with my father and his girlfriend, and they are very helpful. (my dad is getting better at "getting it") So I don't think it's needing to be around parental figures, but maybe more of "home is where the heart is", I don't love myself so I don't ever "feel at home in my heart." (super clichè) I like the biting the tongue idea, I like the literal and figurative meaning of it. My aunt suggested wearing a rubber-band on my wrist and popping it every time I had a negative thought, but I dont want to have marks on my wrists....for obvious reasons. I've done the cheerleader thing from time to time, like after I call myself stupid, I'll tell myself that I'm smart and list a few reasons why I'm not stupid. But I feel like it just gets jumbled up in all the self-chatter. I've found a therapist that I'm considering, his practice offers a free 35 min Q&A session, I like the idea that I can kinda interview him before shelling out money to him. I'm saving up money to put aside for 5 sessions, so I have no reason to skip out...right now I have the assessment and first session. I don't mind talking to myself or thinking out loud. Sometimes hearing my own game plan or a play-by-play of what I'm doing can help me stay focused. It's just the majority of things I say to myself are so hurtful. I would never direct these phrases to another person, nor would I let anybody say these things to me, but for some reason I feel the need to verbally abuse myself. It's just second nature to say these things to myself, and the fact that I'm starting to say them while I'm out in public is so embarrassing. It creates anxiety as well, bc I'll "feel" people staring at me or think they are talking about me (I doubt they even notice). So then I start rambling under my breath a play by play of the task im trying to complete, but since I feel like I'm in the middle of my own shit storm I'm just confusing myself and making it that much harder to complete the task.
  9. It's getting to be a bit much. I don't really carry on conversations with myself, but I'll just blurt phrases out loud and sometimes repeat them a few times. The most common ones are "I wanna go home" , "I'm so fucking stupid", "I just wanna die", and "I hate myself". Usually I can control it, but today in a tutoring lab I kept talking to myself under my breath...I tried to catch myself and just give myself a "play by play" as I was working thru my math problems under my breath, I hope nobody heard me. I've been over heard at work a few times, but they couldn't really hear what I was saying, so they just figured I was thinking outloud. I guess it's more so vocalizing my thoughts, but It's all so negative. It's a bad habit and I don't know how to stop. it's embarrassing.
  10. Your mind might just be worn out from your mixed state.
  11. I stare at a blank wall in a mixed state or if I'm really stressed. My mind is almost always racing, so just staring off into space and having my brain completely shut off is just a coping response for me I guess. Sometimes I'll do it for hours and sometimes for just 10 minutes or so.
  12. Yes! Me and my best friend weren't in school during the fall semester so we tried to go to 2 concerts a month. One "big" performer and one local show.
  13. Congrats on starting the quitting process Everyone's different in how their body reacts with meds, I hope this works out great for you, but I would def recommend keeping a mood journal bc of how severe some of the mental side-effects are. I started smoking at age 14, got up to 2 packs a day by the time I was 15. I smoked like a train till I was almost 19. Doesn't sound like a long time, but my cigs were my babies. I almost always had a cig in my mouth, and I wasn't a "glamorous" smoker either, my friends would joke about me having sex with my cigarette lol I really enjoyed smoking, I wasn't trying to quit. I didn't want to quit. But one day I lit up and felt a lil sick to my stomach. I put it out, and lit up about 20 mins later and got physically ill. I did this all weekend and finally gave up. I can't smoke anymore, I get sick. A few times I've smoked a few while drinking and felt 10x worse the next morning. The only time I'll smoke one is if I'm having a panic attack, it gives me something to focus on I guess? But other than that , I get sick as a dog. Good Luck!! Ps About a week after not having a smoke, you can smell and taste EVERYTHING! Lol I thought I was prego bc I randomly quit smoking and could smell everything lol
  14. I wonder if a person was prescribed a mood stabilizer or something of the like if that would help any ther crazy reactions people are having.
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