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About apetasticaL

  • Rank
    scatterbrained scribbler

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  • Gender
  • Location
    va, usa
  • Interests
    books, paper, sharpie pens, rivers/oceans/streams/lakes/ponds, outside [at night], the goddess eris, the god dionysus, broken things, solitude, conspiracy theories, body modification, heavy bass lines, unhealthy relationships, alternative media, incense, sour gummi candy, vanilla tootsie rolls, tarot, scented candles, control, late nights, strong coffee, herbs, colored duct tape, perpetual existential crises, societal disgust
  1. I'm 25 and was diagnosed in 2006, when I was 18. I was initially seasonal affective disorder (when I was 15) and major depressive disorder (when I was 17). I have been suffering from mood swings and self-injury since I was very young-- I had probably been ill for almost ten years by the time I was diagnosed. No official bipolar history in my family, but there is major depression and schizophrenia on my mother's side. My father was adopted so we have no clue as to his family history.
  2. Bluechick-- thank you for all of the suggestions. I did not expect anyone to reply so thoroughly. I will be taking your ideas to heart and trying to follow them. I relapsed again leading to a situation that is completely ruining my family. I need sobriety but there is so much in me saying "just drink, it doesn't even matter anymore".
  3. Since I have no insurance or access to money, the only two options I really have are a 28 day dual diagnosis program through the local state mental institution, or entering into a sober living house for a couple of months. However, I don't really have the financial flexibility to stop working for a month or more. I am looking into IOP programs but many require insurance. There are programs offered by my local community services mental health clinic, but I would not have a way to get back and forth for 3 nights a week. Living out in the country and not having a car is really screwing me. I have a care team through the clinic although I am not quite as honest with them as they should be. Its a free clinic anyway, its not like they actually care about my wellbeing. I'm just another tally mark on a sheet. God forbid someone be poverty-line poor and try to get help for addiction or mental illness. Thank you all for your replies.
  4. I also have susbsituted obsession over food with obsession over alcohol/drugs. Both seem equally as dangerous as both have the distinct possibility of killing me. Although, starving only is better than starving AND drinking myself into a stupor.
  5. I drank. More bad things happened. New sobriety date is May 23. Maybe I should stop posting in this thread until I can get my shit straight.
  6. I have been trying to quit drinking and drug use for a long time, at least since I joined this forum and probably before, although not as seriously. My best streak of sobriety was from late November 2012 to late January 2013, almost two months. Since then, I have been stopping and starting, overdoing it, once again making a fool of myself, wasting money I don't have and then stopping again. For the past couple of months, the longest I will make it is one week before I am drinking again. I was even sneak-drinking at my parents house, in which I got caught and almost ended up kicked out of my house. My current obsession is renting a hotel room for a week and drinking as much as possible since I am not welcome to drink in my parents house and I can't drink liquor or as much beer/wine as I would like at my boyfriend's house. I just want to be left alone and lie in bed and guzzle whiskey for days. Today is day 2 of sobriety. I didn't sleep last night and have been obsessing over drinking. I just want to quit for good. I want to be able to count my days and feel my head clear out and the toxins removed from my body. I want to continue fellowship with my friends in AA and be able to make them proud as I ccollect my chips. But I am SO TIRED of all of these restarts and "day one"s!! To those who have collected a few 24hrs of sobriety-- is it possible to eliminate the obsession?
  7. I find him amusing, and a character to keep an eye on. As an aside, for some strange reason, he follows me on Twitter.
  8. Depakote was great at squashing my mixed states, but made me gain 40 pounds in two months. Both the doctor and I decided to nix it before I became noncompliant. I know many people it has done wonders for, though.
  9. I really miss drinking with my friends too, but I have learned that I can't just have one or two drinks. It always turns into a binge, and often turns into a bender. I don't feel that I have control over my alcohol consumption, and I am always wary of having something bad happen, like it has done in the past. Speaking of not having any control over drinking, my new sobriety date is May 11, 2013.
  10. Old addictions: alcohol mainly, but I would abuse any drug I could get my hands on. Also self-injury but to a minor degree, it is more of an impulse thing with me. Current addiction: my eating disorder
  11. Back down to one week in the No Drinks club. I spent the better part of 3 months in a nasty depression and relapse. I have been attending AA meetings and found that they really help me, although I know they are not for everyone. I just want to do anything possible to keep my sobriety. I am tired of my life being ruined by alcohol.
  12. i stockpile pills either way. i have an "in case of apocalypse" stash, which is especially poignant considering what day it is.
  13. drinking throws me into psychosis. definitely call your pdoc if you don't feel better.
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