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H2point0

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About H2point0

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  1. Thanks. I didn't realize I was accountable to people I don't know on the Internet instead of my family and my doctors. It never stated in the user agreement that I must list my meds. I notice some people do and some don't. And seeing how I got such a warm welcome (from "staff" no less), I'm surprised I don't feel the desire to share! You could have asked, like you did the person who posted above me and admitted to taking NO meds. If you had asked politely, I would have clarified. Actually, I think I clarified pretty politely considering your initial response anyway. Why did you ask that particular poster for more info and attack me rudely instead? What were you hoping my reaction would be? What would you (or I) gain from the way you wrote to me? Did you think that if I was actually off all meds that I would read your post and suddenly understand that I needed them? If someone reacted to you this way, how would you have felt? Was it just that you wanted me to leave? I don't understand what else you could have hoped to gain from your communication style. Furthermore, how would my listing meds be somehow more "credible"? The only credible proof one could offer would be medical records. I've more than explained myself (as compliant) and there is still this nasty attitude. Why? Why would you react to someone this way for simply answering a question and then continue to react the same way after further explanation? And as before, you are wrong. Please read when in doubt. You can click and see other posts I made. I've only been here a month and even I know that. In other posts, I have said meds I've used and do use. In fact I even posted in the newbie thread because I wanted to do things right. I explained myself and my meds there AND elsewhere. I can understand that someone might not want to click on individual users as this would take time, but if I were going to make the claims you made falsely about me, I think I might look at more than one post. The jumping to conclusions was pretty rude and very off-base. And instead of an apology or even an acknowledgement that maybe someone reacted inappropriately (after all the thread was about GOING OFF MEDS) I get further attacked? It must be a really hard job being the watchdog for all the people who are taking psych meds in the world. I mean honestly you have time to police the boards and make sure to call out all the people you assume might not be on the right meds? This seems reasonable to you? I was enjoying my time here until this thread. If your goal was to get rid of me, congrats! As a "staff" member, you should feel proud that you decreased the size of your community. I was just looking for others who had the same experiences as I did. I wanted to talk to people who understood what it felt like. I started posting because I felt safe. I was wrong obviously as now I feel hurt and misunderstood (and I feel like you are calling me a liar as well). Great "support" board. Thanks to those of you who were actually civil and engaged in chat, blogs, and forum.
  2. To me, this sounds like you miss hypomania, "seeing connections you used to see, less inspired... "and if you are having hypo and mixed episodes, I guess I don't see why you are second guessing needing the meds. If it's interfering with your life then that's not being medicated for the good of others around you. I don't know any docs who hand out meds so society can deal with you. It's the other way around, so the patient can deal with daily life. But anyway, to answer your question, I don't stop. I have a family that needs me to be there and be stable. Screwing around with my meds isn't an option. I guess I can see why people would think about it, if they aren't working or the side effects are awful...but it's still a bad idea. I understand what you are saying and yes a part of it was missing hypomania. My hypomania has always been a part of me for my whole adult life. And my question was more philosophical - I didn't mean people don't need any medication. I wasn't even saying I definitely don't need meds. I question my decision all the time. But it is important to understand that my meds ALSO interfered with my daily life. They just did it every day, not cyclically. You know there are other people in this thread who aren't on ANY meds at all. It is weird how people want to tell me what I should do, even though my pdoc, tdoc, and primary care doc have all supported my decision to try this. Have I offended someone or done something wrong? Am I not welcome because I'm not medicated enough?
  3. Thanks! I never knew there was such a thing. I guess it's not something they'd advertise without being asked lol.
  4. I'm sorry. Is this directed at me? Yes, I know this is a pro-med site (I lurked) and yes I DO TAKE MEDS. I just don't take a mood stabilizer. Something both my old pdoc and current tdoc approved. It was not a decision I made like what I wanted for dinner. I talked to ALL my docs about it (except the pacemaker clinic) and my husband. My last session I was discussing it with my tdoc again. (And it is my 3rd med I've tried BTW.) I take something for both depression and anxiety as needed. I also go to BI-WEEKLY therapy and my tdoc gets updates from my pdoc (she gave me a list of new ones to call) and my primary care doc because I signed a form saying she could. Honestly I feel really hurt that I just had to type out a "defense" of my situation. I'm going to assume that you just misread what I wrote and that you didn't mean to come off as unwelcome, but that was a really harsh response that took me aback. If for some reason voicing the truth - that my med made me feel a certain way and so I stopped them (which was a direct response to a direct question) is not something that is a welcome on this site, I will gladly bow out. I certainly don't want to feel this way reading responses to me.
  5. My cats make me feel loved. My dogs make me feel like a competent leader. I feel clever because of training both. Even the fact that I have to care for them daily makes my mental and physical health better as it gets me out of bed.
  6. My puppy, a glass of milk, and that I was able to sleep in today!
  7. Right now I am between pdocs (trying to get into a new one), but I see my cardiologist, primary care doc, tdoc, and pacemaker clinic. I am always at the docs. Anyway, my primary care doc is handling my psych meds, but even before I quit my old pdoc, I had stopped taking one of my meds (mood stabilizer). I didn't feel like "me" anymore. I never cried at commercials or songs anymore. I never wrote for hours anymore. I didn't see all the connections like I used to. I was more tired, less inspired, indifferent. I actually wondered if I would be bothered if I killed someone. I wouldn't kill someone of course, I had no compulsion or desire to, but I had this feeling like the experience would be an indifferent one for me. And I didn't feel badly about that. I didn't feel passion or compassion. I felt like I was sleeping my life away. Since quitting my med, I've had 2 hypomanic episodes and 1 mixed. My tdoc is there for me if I need her, but I'm not going to lie, the second hypo and the mixed were hard to deal with. It interfered with my day-to-day life. I know that I am not the same as everyone else, but I sometimes question if that's necessarily a bad thing that I should medicate. I know some people need medication (and I know I might be one of those people and have to go back to a mood stabilizer) but I often wonder how often people are medicated for the good of those around them as opposed to for their own good. And what does that mean anyway, "for your own good" when good is so subjective? I'd like to see if I can handle my mania. It's probably a dumb move. My life won't be "normal" especially during episodes, but I think I might like living it better.
  8. I actually felt "abnormal" on my mood stabilizer. I probably need one, as I'm cycling through hypomanic episodes and I'm worried about when/if the full on mania will hit again, but I hated the way it made me feel. I guess that's probably pretty common. My tdoc thinks I do OK with CBT and minimal meds, but it definitely interferes with my ability to do "normal" stuff when I go hypo. But that feels normal to me kwim?
  9. I might like a link or something like that when I get my tax returns lol.
  10. Myself. I know, I know. It's sad. What is your best feature?
  11. Like others have mentioned, atheism should not be under "religion" or even "Religious belief." It's a lack of belief. We don't classify ourselves as having a belief because we don't ascribe to Santa Claus or vampires. There's nothing else that one can abstain from believing in and have it classified as a belief. It would be an endless list of classifiers if we identified ourselves by all the things we don't believe in. Especially if you let a three year old's mind go wild for an hour. I also agree that many of these are not exclusive (especially agnostic). I tend to think everyone is agnostic regardless of whatever else they believe based on faith. Faith means you don't know for sure. Faith is like hope. But nobody could possibly know of course. As for MI and religion, I have to admit that I feel much of religion is brainwashing which happens to everyone. I do think my depression as a tween (and the fact I grew up feral) made me more susceptible to the tactics they used. I had a very Jesus Camp experience, except that women weren't allowed to be ministers see? Anyway, once I read the Bible and researched all the other Christ figures and history and world religions I couldn't hang with it. And they were terrible at answering questions. Also, I got into it to help people. I did the sandwiches and blankets under the bridge and I gave my $3 of babysitting money because I thought it would go to that. But it went to a new gym. I guess the old one wasn't good enough. I missed out on french fries every Sunday so all those jock guys could play ball all Friday night while I was babysitting. Yay. Heh, but all this happened before BP. I decided as a teen that I didn't like any of those gods anyway, (and heaven sounded so boooooring) so I'd just try to be more moral then they were. It's funny because I stayed good friends with some of my hard core Christian buds, even though I was never an apologist. It was like a personal thing for them. Like the verse about praying in private and not for show. But some people ousted me or I ousted them. It ruined everything between us. And it was both of our faults. Or neither. I don't know, it just didn't work.
  12. Oooh I love that necklace!
  13. Of course control is an illusion. I called it an illusion because I too feel it is an illusion. Playing with it or imagining I have it doesn't mean I really think I'm in control. My pacemaker won't even let my heart beat too fast and I have tons of physical limitations for someone in her 30's, but I like to imagine I'm in control. To think of the things I can try to control. To think what it would be like to exert that control. Or my brain likes to think of it I guess because I don't sit and try to think of these things. I mostly try to think of kittens.
  14. Pay off my house, my car, and my student loans. Then build a cat heaven in my home! If you had to eat one food for a year (breakfast, lunch, dinner) what would it be?
  15. I am more of a TV person. There was a time I could name all the Star Trek Next Generation episodes within the first 3 seconds - including season and episode #. Then there was Friends, then South Park. I still have them all memorized. Parks and Recreation, Flight of the Conchords, The Sarah Silverman Program, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It drives my husband nuts that I mouth the words to the shows we watch. I'm not proud of this or anything. I mean there's no glory in knowing something because you mindlessly watch it every night to sleep. But in my defense, I was in theatre and memorize the first few read throughs. Movies are hard for me. I watch a lot of horrors and thrillers, but mostly for research (ha, seriously). I hate romances. I hate romantic comedies. I hate dramas where kids die or parents die and leave kids. Movies I watch more than once: Bringing Up Baby Demolition Man Louis C.K. standup Heathers Clerks Enough Meet Me in St. Louis These are not good movies mind you. They are just movies that allow me to feel comfort in some aspect of them.
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