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Everything posted by dancesintherain

  1. So she took the step today that I thought she would take--stopped the 5mg of zyprexa. As far as next steps are concerned, she's open to the possibility of rexulti or loxapine (though she preferred rexulti), but would ideally like to try playing around with the depakote dosage and/or gabapentin dosage first. I don't see how either of those changes make sense. Maybe they do and I'm just missing it. I understand not wanting another drug--I don't really either--but I want to get rid of the residual hallucinations. She also debated starting a daytime dosage of gabapentin. I nixed that as we have already tried it really recently. So, confusion.
  2. thanks Cheese and Iceberg. Cheese, I appreciate your experience with the various options. That's helpful to know. Iceberg, I haven't tried loxapine. It can go in the worth considering category. My problems with other APs isn't an effectiveness issue, but is that I hit really bad side effects with nearly all. Risperdal gave me pseudoparkinsonianism, seroquelXR caused movement-related issues, invega caused balance issues. If all are the same, I might try rexulti over vraylar just because of hte long half-life issue cheese mentioned. I'll see what my pdoc thinks. This might be premature because she might want me off zyprexa for a few weeks before starting something new. But I just wanted to see what's out there.
  3. So things are going pretty well. I almost don't want to rock the boat by changing anything. But I'm still having auditory hallucinations nearly every night at bedtime and occasionally during the day if I'm in my bedroom. I don't want to accept that as as good as it gets, though I guess I might have to. I stayed at a friend's house last night and, true to past experience, I had no auditory hallucinations at bedtime. It was bliss. It made me realize just how much I want the last of the hallucinations to go away. I'm going down on zyprexa and if all goes as planned, I'll be off it completely within a month (currently at 5mg). Fanapt is my main AAP and does a really good job (I was previously dealing with close to constant hallucinations). I can't increase the dose because my pdoc doesn't want me to take more than 12mg at one time and I can't take it at night because it gives me insomnia (ironically). The only two AAPs that I haven't tried are rexulti and vraylar. Do either of those show potential for hallucinations? If so, what are their typical side effects? The only typical AP that I've ever tried is thorazine and that's because I was really out of it and they needed to hit me with something quickly. It was way too much, but I don't know what dose they gave me. Would any of the typical APs be something I should consider? thanks!
  4. I’m not sure if this helps at all. I did exposure therapy for ptsd related stuff. She had me use a subjective unit of distress scale to rate a bunch of different things that could cause anxiety/trauma symptoms. For example, the drug raid was one trauma that we worked on (the main one for the exposures) and looking at a picture of a stationary helicopter might be a 1, but being in handcuffs and watching a real drug raid happen might be an 8. That list led to a hierarchy for how we tackled things, starting with the lowest distress and progressing to the most distress causing. It was hard, but really helpful. I’ll stop with that because I’m not sure if it helps since it’s a different disease, but let me know if you have questions.
  5. sorry I can't help with this one...the only visual hallucinations I've had have been extremely clearly hallucinations (e.g., cookie monster in my bathtub) that the neuro in the hospital thought was due to amantadine.
  6. sorry it was frustrating. even if you can see that it makes sense, that doesn't make it fun.
  7. I'm glad they got you in. Best wishes. I'm glad that you feel motivated.
  8. I'm glad the intake happened sooner than expected. I hope you don't have to wait very long.
  9. thanks @juniper--definitely something to be cautious about. I didn't have psychotic symptoms back when I had it a few times, but I also wasn't actively hallucinating at the time. Now I've got bedtime-related hallucinations that don't seem to be fading.
  10. Thanks @Blahblah. I haven’t tried CBD oil and am open to the idea if it’s legal. I think it is, right?
  11. I’ve had a sharp increase in the frequency of nightmares. For a while, I was having one to two per week. Then I switched to one every other week. Now, I’ve had three in the past week and they’re more vivid. ive had a few major medication changes in the same time period. Could any of them be the cause? I tapered off lithium, tapered off gabapentin, and started provigil.
  12. Heard back from someone who would know. Still technically forbidden--even with a valid script--since still technically illegal from a federal law perspective.
  13. Thanks Iceberg. I’m guessing that’s probably the case for me, but I figure I would check.
  14. checking out the work impact...until I know that i'm clear on that front, I can't do it. There's a fairly high chance that it's forbidden since it's still illegal federally. I'm open to giving it a try if my work doesn't complain.
  15. thank you both. He wants me to consider using it for sleep. My anxiety is pretty bad, too, but that wouldn't be the main purpose. I'd consume some before bedtime. I've tried a lot of things and not many have been great. He would have me ask sleep psychologist first and it would depend on my pdoc being open to it. I've tried it about 4-5 times in the past and it was fine...nothing miraculous, but a noticeable lift. No psychosis, though I get that that can happen. I'll have to watch for it given the SZA.
  16. So today my therapist threw a curve ball at me. He prefaced it with a lot of "I just want us to explore the possibility and take some time thinking about it" and stuff like that. But eventually he raised the possibility of medical marijuana prior to bed. It may be a moot point because I think my work forbids it. But I've got an email in to our union rep in order to ask to be sure. Anyone use medical marijuana? I have a friend who qualifies locally, so I can work out the mechanics with her. My therapist said that he just knows a few people who have had good luck for the symptoms I struggle with.
  17. I only had two (two were congenitally missing) but I had to get both of them pulled prior to getting some oral (teeth) implants. I'm glad yours aren't hurting.
  18. sorry I missed the repiy. so insurance has turned down the prior authorization for provigil. sigh. now I've got to see if my pdoc wants to prescribe something else or try an appeal.
  19. Just one ex's idea...it's Lori's idea. She's a friend of her ex-girlfriend, but they've become friends too. All I've been given is "you have the same sense of humor" and things like that. Nothing as far as interests. I can explore those though.
  20. so...my ex-girlfriend is setting me up with one of her ex's friends. I've known her for eight years and she hasn't done this before, so I have faith that this isn't just the "hey you're both gay, you should date" phenomenon. (yes, that's a thing) I've been told that, among other things, we have the same sense of humor. I'm looking for suggestions on things to remember for a first date because it's been a while. If it helps, the two of us will be meeting at my ex's house and chilling there while she makes dinner. The idea is to have it be low key. Where it goes from there, if anywhere, is up to us. edited to add - I put this in general relationships rather than in LGBTQ because I feel like general relationship advice is warranted. I'm a little hesitant given recent explosions, but I feel like it's worth asking so that I can try to settle my anxiety.
  21. something similar to this just came up in therapy recently. I'm going to start dating again (or, at least, I'm meeting someone who an ex is setting me up with). My question to my therapist was how do I explain my dating history and the fact that I'm 38 and have never been married. Part is the fact that I came out in my 20s and was engaged to a guy (I identify as lesbian, just late to realize it). I was three weeks out from getting married. Details past that would be a long story not pertinent to your question. Part is the fact that my mental illness has gotten in the way. Tdoc's slightly simplistic but honest appraisal is that a person who I click with is not going to be phased by it and/or is going to learn to work with it. I don't eagerly anticipate having to divulge mental health stuff, but I can see his point. That said, I have a lot for someone to swallow. I'm first going to go on this meet-up thing with my ex's ex's friend (that's the lesbian dating world for you). If that doesn't work out, I'll be back on okcupid because it's what most people on my geographic area use. I won't put the mental health diagnosis in my profile (though that's a personal preference). I will raise it fairly early, but generic.
  22. thanks Iceberg, that makes sense. It's funny that I said it jokingly...but now that I think about it, it might not be a bad idea.
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