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About Screamingbutterfly

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    Bowling, movies, music, mini golf, shopping, tattoo's, piercings.

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  1. Unfortunately I have medicare and medicaid and my prescription drug plan they don't pay for much liquid. i have gotten denied a few liquid medications. I do know Remeron comes under the tongue. I do take amitriptyline I am able to swallow the pills since they are tiny. It seems the medicines that are even chewable are not absorbing. I also break open the geodon capsule and dump the powder in a drink. It's getting frustrating since I am trying so many things to get them to absorb correctly. I seem to have a serious malabsorption issue going on here. Right now it feels like I am not even on any meds. I appreciate the replies. I will try to see if any liquid meds are covered but I highly doubt it.
  2. Thank you for the replies and link. I was told about vitamins not absorbing but not much was mentioned about psych drugs. My psychiatrist has thankfully dealt with gastric bypass patients before and switched all the medications to IR even prior to surgery. Even got chewable tegretol. Even with those changes I'm not still seeing the results from the meds that I used to work. So on the 15th I'm going back to Pdoc to see what he recommends. The only thing the surgeon warned me was my depression may worsen for a while. Just didn't think it would be this bad!
  3. Feel free to move this if it isn't in the right section. Wasn't sure where to put it. Anyway, I had gastric bypass on November 6th. I have lost a lot of weight however I seem to be losing my mind too. I was very stable on my medication before surgery. However, since then none of them seem to be working. I am on some anti depressants and mood stabilizers. I called my Dr. and can't get into them until the 15th. Has anyone else here had the surgery or know of someone who has and what medications they have had good luck with? Over the years I have tried a lot of different meds that didn't work but maybe now that my stomach is different they would. I can't keep feeling this depressed and crying over ever little thing. Luckily, my boyfriend has been supportive but I don't want him to see this side of me. I want him to see who I really am. The happy person he met. I miss feeling like my normal self. The only good thing is until I see the Doctor I have medication for anxiety which I was nervous to take with medicine for pain, but he said it would be safe and good until I can get in. All comments and help are appreciated! I should have added does anyone know what medications would absorb best since the surgery causes malabsorption? I never responsed to Ssri's and such since I have treatment resistant depression.
  4. Any opiate and muscle relaxer might make you groggy. After a while you should get used to them more. Maybe try spacing them out a bit. With opiates tolerance does occur and you would most likely need a higher dose eventually. The rate someone builds a tolerance is different in people. I've been on and off pain management for years. If you really need the medication it is definitely worth it. If a time ever came that you needed to get off them you could taper or use a replacement drug to get off it to lessen withdrawals. I've never tried soma for muscle pain but I have heard good things about it. I take zanaflex and it works well, just was a little sedating at first. Hopefully this helped.
  5. Thanks everyone for the support, it took me a few days to reply since I was busy. Some of the suggestions here were very helpful. I did end up going on a date and I told him the basics so he would just be aware of some of my triggers ( not on a date though that wouldn't be a fun topic). We have known each other for a while and he was very nice about it. I definitely want to get in therapy over this and I have to try to tell my pdoc when I see him. I always struggle with this issue of telling my mother for the reasons I listed. Sometimes I wonder if some of my behaviors and anxiety would make more sense if she knew. An ex mine claimed he said something, but he was abusive so I don't know if he was just trying to upset me. I always wonder if she does know because one day I was really triggered in the car when I was driving with her, I told her she has no idea some of the things I have been through and why certain things upset me. This one time she said that I could tell her whatever and this is not normal for her usually she just lets me be. If she does know I think she would have brough it up by now, or unless she is waiting for me to. She does have a degree in psychology herself. For the last few days I have been having a lot of nightmares and things since I'm under some stress from just having gastric bypass. Finally they have seemed to ease up a bit. Thank you for the replies and I always read them even if I don't have time to respond right away.
  6. I apologize if this is long but I really need to talk about this. I will try to keep it as pg 13 as I can since I don't want to upset anyone else too much. If you think this may trigger you it's probably best you don't read this. I certainly don't want to send anyone else into a trigger because I know how horrible it feels. Anyway I'm going to try my best to talk about this because no one knows about the rape since I kept it all to myself and recently I see how it effects my dating life. I'm on a waiting list for therapy since anyone who takes my state insurance it backed up. So here it goes. When I was 15 years old I was in an abusive relationship. I broke up with my boyfriend at the time and decided I should see other people and have some fun. I met a guy online who was 25. Looking back I should have realized this persons intentions probably weren't good. Anyway we went on a date and he seemed nice. He asked if I wanted to go back to his place and play board games. Me, being young and stupid actually believed this. When I got back to his place is when the horror began. He locked me in the room with himself. Then he put on pornography for hours. Telling me because I'm fat I will never be as good as these girls. No man would ever love me. He also said if I was lucky enough to date someone because they would settle for me they would be to embarrassed to take me anywhere. Also he told me I will never be as good as any other woman a guy dated, all their ex's would be so much better than me. Then he told me in detail about every woman he had ever been with. After he was done being verbal is when the actual rape happened. He was very voilent to me to the point I started bleeding in the female area. I had only had sex once before this happened. Finally when he was done he dragged me downstairs and insisted I drink. I refused because I was taught in school to never take a drink from a stranger. He got very angry then put me in the back of the van. The drive felt like forever but we ended up in a pretty isolated place. He then told me how he was going to kill me in detail and that I would never be found. Oddly, even though this place was pretty deserted a cop came driving around and sat near the location. My attacker let me go because he was about to get caught. He said if I said anything to the cops that he would find me and things would be MUCH worse the 2nd time around. So out of fear I said nothing and walked home even though I hurt like crazy. When I got home of course my stalking ex who abusive was hanging outside my door and he was pissed that I saw someone else so he then hit me on top of how bad I was already hurting. I tried just to forget about what happened. I started having nightmares all the time and sleep walking. Even tried to jump out of a window while sleep walking. My mom had no idea what happened and she was probably wondering why I was having all these weird symptoms. Three months after I started having the worst abdominal and pelvic pain. My dr. sent me for a cat scan and low and behold my left fallopian tube was severely inflammed. I ended up in the hospital to get IV antibiotics right away because he gave me an STD which turned into pelvic inflammatory disease. Lucky for me it ended up going away. I realized how this effects my dating life. Anytime a guy I date talks about an ex it sends me into a trigger because I feel I will never be as good enough as other people they have dated. I can't see pornography or hear about it in graphic detail because I go into an extreme trigger. Once and ex boyfriend left a porno laying around and I go so triggered I ran outside and almost got hit by a car because I was in such a daze. I have in the past tried to get therapy over these issues. One therapist told me I need to just get over the ex and porno thing. Another one tried exposure therapy and it actually made it worse not better. I have a new psychiatrist and haven't even told him yet. That is why I don't have the PTSD diagnosis yet. Like I told people in chat the other night I try to talk about it to him and I just freeze up and the words don't come out of my mouth. I feel so alone with this just because I haven't told anyone. Didn't want to tell my mother fearing she would blame me for bad choices or yet hearing that would make my family more upset. I am currently getting to know a guy right now who I REALLY like. I think at some point it's best I tell him about what happened if we get in a relationship so he can understand where I'm coming from. I want things to work out with the next person I am with and the trauma not get in the way. I feel so alone in this so I figured it would be best to vent here. I appreciate any feedback that is given and I apologize this was so long.
  7. I'm happy to hear things worked out for the better and you have Flash. I guess life doesn't always go according to plan but that doesn't mean it can't turn out well.
  8. I didn't take your reply as preaching at all. It was very helpful and it was something I needed to hear in order to better help myself. All the points you made were 100% true. I just don't have many people to talk to this about issues like that. I'm on waiting list for therapy in order to get more help. I try talking to my mom about these kinds of things but she never gives much insight on things unless she is teling me something I am doing wrong. I tried to talk to about this issue with her and all she said was no one can tell you what to do. That is true however, I needed more helpful posts like these that made me think a bit.
  9. You are right Titania. I really should improve my overall self esteem. I'm really sorry that your stepmom pushed your dad out of your life that is just awful! If your stepmom really loved your father she should have accepted he had kids or she never should have dated someone with children at all.
  10. Thank you for your reply it was helpful. Like I said I really don't have an issue with someone else having kids. It just makes me feel bad that I might not be able to with them. I would never ever date someone and tell them to not spend time with their kids, I would actually encourage it. The issue here I realized is my fear and self esteem about my own fertility. If you take that factor out I have no problem with someone else having children. I'm really glad I posted this. Opened my eyes up to things and that is what I needed!
  11. You are certainly right. I guess I just have a habit of putting the cart before the horse because I have been warned of the worse. So I guess in a way I'm just trying to prepare for what may be hard thing to deal with when it has always been something i have wanted very much. I really don't just base my self worth on that, just this has always been one issue that is very tough for me. I just hear how other women struggle with their fertility and it scares me.
  12. Thank you for the post it was very helpful. I love children and being involved in their lives wouldn't bother me as long as I got some alone time with my partner. What does bother me is when the time comes that I do want to get pregnant and try fertility drugs and all that. If that fails I feel I will go into a horrible depression because they could have children with someone else and not me. So in a sense I feel my worth wouldn't be as much as the person they did have children with. Once again that may not be true but that is how I feel for some reason. That they could share that with someone else and not me. That is what I have trouble getting over.
  13. Anytime I fill an online dating ad I always say I want someone with no kids, but wants them in the future. The reason I say this is because I suffer from PCOS and Endometriosis so I don't know if I can have children of my own. I really hope I can. So for me it would would be really painful dating with someone who has children, but then if they couldn't with me it would make me feel awful. Also I feel like if I did end up pregnant they wouldn't be as excited as someone who is having their first child because they already have been through it. Maybe that really isn't true but that is what I feel. Guys still message me and they have kids even though I say I don't want that. My mom said since I'm 25, it's going to be harder to find someone with no kids. Sometimes these guys do really seem like nice people who I would otherwise be interested in if they didn't have children. Part of me wants to get over this but I don't know how and if it is even possible. Does anyone else feel this way or have advice about how I should or shouldn't get over this? It's really been bothering me for a while since I know I could be missing out on great people. Part of me wishes I didn't have these female issues and then maybe I wouldn't feel this way. All comments and advice are truly helpful and wanted!
  14. Today is my birthday and it sucks since i just had surgery I can't do much. I'm trying to enjoy it anyway.

    1. humanoid


      Happy birthday! Hope something will brighten your special day! :)

    2. Screamingbutterfly
    3. jt07


      Happy, happy birthday!

  15. Had surgery on the 6th. Got home last night and so far I am doing pretty well.

    1. jt07


      Glad to hear that you are ok and doing well!

    2. humanoid


      Glad you are doing good, hope you continue to do so!

    3. Duelist


      Glad to hear you're doing well! Hope you have a speedy recovery!

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