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About divinedesign21

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    planet earth, milky way galaxy
  1. Squirmy, May I suggest looking around for a healthier therapist? Just a thought... My sister was Bipolar and she was in Grad school getting her Masters in Psychology when she committed suidice. There are people out there who hold degrees who are not "wrapped too tight." Just because someone has a "title" doesn't make them God.
  2. I want to scream at people who say, "Anti-depressants are from the devil." If you are a pastor or a person in AA/NA/CA, that does not mean you are qualified to dispense medical advice. At various times throughout my recovery I have had people at church and/or meetings (AA) tell me I should not take Zoloft. Every time I have listened to one of these unqualified persons, I've nearly become suicidal and/or relapsed. I always wind up in the ER. I have found out the hard way that the ER is not someplace you want to be if you are overstimulated. /rant.
  3. Thanks friend So far this week I've lost six pounds. Yay!!! Plus, I am back on my Zoloft. Double yay!!!
  4. Obesity causes heart disease, so I'm pretty concerned about my pant size. Not to mention that I'm diabetic. That disease can cause you to lose life and/or limb. So, yeah, it's a big deal. I'm 5 foot 4 and 176 pounds. I'm WAY over my weight limit. Then, there's the problem of not having clothes that fit, and not having money to buy new ones. Oh, yeah, and my self image sucks to begin with, so it's making me MORE depressed. On the bright side, I lost 5 pounds in 2 days on Atkins. That's the only diet I have ever been able to lose weight on.
  5. Ok, i'll just be perfectly honest. I fucked up. I started using drugs again and didn't have the money to see my pdoc for my six month refill. I also decided that I wanted to try taking Amino Acids and Fish Oils instead of screwing around with Medicaid, who take their sweet time filling my meds each month. BIG MISTAKE. So, I called my pdoc and explained that I am out of town until January for the holidays and needed a refill. He called it in. But, due to the fact that I'm in IL right now, the RX had to be filled in FL (b/c i have Florida medicaid) and mailed to me. I just got it yesterday. Anyway, I've been off of it for nearly a month and since then I've gained 20 pounds!!!! It was the 20 pounds I lost when I went on Zoloft to begin with. Now I'm 181 pounds at 5 foot 4. Just in September i was a size 7/9. Now I'm a 14. This sucks.
  6. I'm on Zoloft and it makes me feel kinda high in the sense that i'm really happy and nothing bothers me.
  7. Sometimes I dream while I'm still mostly awake...if that even makes any sense. So, I understand where you are coming from.
  8. So, you're on speaking terms with your parents, who are both alive. If you can swing a 2nd or 3rd shift part-time job, that will be three adults in the house on different schedules, making it harder to plan a robbery. Since you are a student, you might as well take advantage of free or discounted counselling at the school to find a field that you are reasonably suited for that has a chance of providing a paying job, and to help you get your head on straight. Way to invalidate his feelings.
  9. Because it costs a fortune for a new patient appointment. I am not working yet. No money. I am on Florida Medicaid and it would take at least 45 days to get approved in another state.
  10. When I get angry at someone else or myself, I hit myself repeatedly in the head. I guess it's a form of self-punishment. I've made a lot of really stupid decisions over the past year and I feel completely helpless and trapped. Now I'm living in Chicago and I don't have a doctor here. Just got here 2 weeks ago. I guess I could call my pdoc in Florida, but he's such an asswipe he'd probably say something stupid like, "I need to see you." I need help!
  11. I know it's hard. I had to depend on my boyfriend for a long time until I could get well enough to go back to work. But yes, people suck for the most part and I never trust someone to help my financially. Because either they back out or they hold it against you. Best thing is to only depend on yourself.
  12. Well, I didn't go in today based on the fact that my behavior yesterday was quite bizarre. Someone cut me off in traffic and I chased them down, turned my brights on them, cut them off and slammed on my brakes, got out of the car and gave them the finger. BAD. VERY BAD. I had nightmares all night long. It was awful. I had such bad anxiety last night that I had to take 2 Trileptal just to calm down. Now I'm depressed because I know people are going to be disappointed and there's nothing I can do about it. I've got to go to an AA meeting.
  13. My sister died in February. She was Bipolar and she also drank a lot. In the end, she took her own life by standing in front of a train. She was 24. My mother didn't even bother to tell me. I had to find out from my sister's friends on Facebook. I went crazy. I drank. I smoked crack. I drank more. Not good for a recovering addict and BP person. AT. ALL. But then I snapped out of it and I have nearly six weeks clean now. However, I haven't been able to find work for a long time due to my background and also the fact that no one is really hiring. So, I got a job in a restaurant. BIG. MISTAKE. I'm also diabetic. So, they make us go six hours without eating. Yes, we can take a break, but that's only if we're not busy. I have to go to the bathroom a lot because of the diabetes. So, it seems like in one of my manic phases, I took on a job because I thought I could conquer the world at that time. And now if I quit, everyone will think, "Well, that's just her, she can never keep a job." And it seems like it's true. I'm so sensitive and it's just so damn hard being around people. Esp. a lot of people. Ugh. I hate being in this position.
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