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Everything posted by EndlessStorm

  1. i totally understand. I tried to talk to my parents about it, it was like taboo. Something they never wanted mentioned, like they are ashamed i have a MI. My mom was soo addiment that she in no way contributed to my MI, and that it was not from her genes. haha. I find it kind of repulsive she reacted that way, and I take offense to it. But, honestly no one will understand me and the way I think, the things I do unless they too have a MI. This is something, I am learning, and trying to come to terms with.
  2. the rain is back again, i dont like rain, but i LOVE thunderstorms and lightening.. y is it?? kinda contradicting

  3. haha. i love that, next time someone catches me im going to use your tactic.
  4. So I read on here all the time while on forum or looking at others' blogs... People with Bipolar 1 tend to be suicidal or harmful to themselves... However, I was diagnosed Bipolar 1, and I do get all the manic symptoms except for hallucinations .. I have hallucinated on occasion but its never been anything scary or bad, its usually funny stuff that makes me laugh .. I once had a conversation with Jerry Seinfield and he was blue during one of these episodes... thats basically the extent of my mania.. I have had affairs, blown money, been extremely drug abusive etc.. But never have I wanted to hurt myself or die or harm anyone else for that matter... except for when I had a depressive episode around 15. I do have a lot of irritability and mood swings, i will throw things when enraged or fighting with my DH but thats it. Now, I just know that this is a MI I have and I choose not to let it run my life.. I believe in Jesus and the bible, therefore suicide would never cross my mind, bc I know I would not be able to spend eternity with my husband, and children when ever that time comes. So I'm just curious if there are people with this MI like me that do not have the suicidal, self harming attributes.. bc if not then I think I might possibly have been diagnosed wrong and maybe there is something entirely else wrong with me. idk.. but im curious to see what some of you have to say.
  5. Literally this is my and my husband to a T. I feel like I wrote this.
  6. rainy days make me feel like bleh.

  7. cleaning up the mess i made while manic... its taking longer than i expected.

  8. Im a SAHM with 3 very young kids (5 yr, 2 yr, 5 month) .. so i think i must just enjoy the peace... I cannot wait for all three to be in school, my oldest son is in K5now, but when all three are in school I would like to go back to school myself, bc even with the kids, being home all day can be quite boring...
  9. That I am the happiest, when all are asleep.The house is quiet, and I am alone.. Its really the only time in my day (or i should say night-early morning) when I actually find myself smiling bc im truley happy... Isnt this kinda warped? Dont get my wrong, i like to be around people. Just not as much as Il ike being by myself.......
  10. im a bit well vague...

  11. I am unfortunately in the same boat as you! I am a SAHM of 3 young children. (5, 2, 5 months). There are moments through out my day, where I am calm and I took look at my kids - seeing htem behaving so well- & and wonder "how can I get so irritated and mean to these beautiful sweet kids?" But, I do. I can get eaily overwhelmed, upset, mad, scream, and its like an out of body experience. I don't know who I am when I do it. Its like I'm not me, the anger just takes over. I often wonder is this an episode, am I too stressed, do i need a different medication, am I just really not happy where my life is right now? I've just recently been diagnosed and put on Lithium 600 mg a day. As far as I can tell, my moods have actually gotten worse. Although, I am thinking more clearly, and I feel stable when I'm not lashing out at the tiniest thing. I am going to therapy once every two weeks right now, and I can say that day and the day after I do feel immensley better. So, I would suggest going. It can't hurt to try and see if it helps. If it doesn't, you can always stop going. But, I agree, as mothers we can not act like that to our children. And is it unfair to them, and ourselves. I hope that you find the help, and the clarity that I am currently working towards right now. We deserve better and a happier life.
  12. Hey everyone! Thanks for the warm welcome! I appreciate it!
  13. Im not quite sure how to operate this site yet. But I wanted to introduce myself bc I find I have cut off all relationships outside of my marriage bc of the mean/crazy things I have done while in mania. I am recently diagnosed as Bipolar I. I was put on Lithium yesterday 300 mg capsules twice daily. My name is Ashlyn! I hope to find a good online community with people like me who can understand my thought process and well me!
  14. When Im having a manic episode I tend to change my whole life, and end a long term relationship for something new and different. And always after the episode (they last between 1-2 maybe 3 months usually) I regret making that decision, but there is no going back. I even ended my first marriage during mania.... So i would say dont make any decisions that can forever change your life. Like a relationship.
  15. EndlessStorm


    From the album: Just Little Me

    I like this picture bc its a pic of me but I dont look how I feel, and I look like Im a happy person?!
  16. EndlessStorm

    Just Little Me

    A compilation of pics of myself!
  17. EndlessStorm

    Just Little Me

    A compilation of pictures of myself within the last few years :)
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