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About xxyercutexx

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    I'll find strength in pain.

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  1. Sorry I meant to say "funeral" not "wedding" when refering to my cousins facebook status.
  2. I desperately need some opinions on my current situation, it is driving me mad. My younger sister who was wheelchair bound passed away in September at the age of 16. My mother and step father we'll call him Joe (he adopted my sister and was her legal father for 10+ years) were both completely shocked and devastated, she passed away peacefully in her sleep and Joe had discovered her the following morning. They were both grief stricken, they had lost their special needs daughter at such a young age, it was tradgic. I was suffering too but they took it the hardest being they had just lost thei

    1. The one lurking behind you

      The one lurking behind you

      I was obsessed with this song when it first came out( I was 9) and I still love it today, it is so beautiful!

  4. Currently listening to my oldschool jams: TLC - "creep" <3

  5. "Come take a walk on the wild side, let me kiss you hot in the pouring rain. You like your girls insane."

  6. I went through almost same thing. It started with G.A.D I experienced the racing thoughts, depresonalization- I felt like I was out of my body, looking down upon myself and like the world was a dream and nothing was real. I was paranoid that people were talking about me or plotting to hurt me / kill me. I became very anisocial and lost all my friends because I couldn't connect with them anymore (like you had mentioned) I also hate the "zombie, dull" feeling that my meds make me feel, but unlike you I usually just quit taking them which is bad. I should go to my pdoc and get a different medicat
  7. I do not have firends, only aquiantances. On a professional level, at work I can pretend I am outgoing and talk to them fine but I refuse to get close to people. I just do not like people. I feel that most people in society are "normal" therefore can not relate to me, so why bother being friends with them? Besides friends a needy and use you for their own benefit. I hate most "normal" people because: -They seem shallow to me. I prefer talking to people who have walked in my shoes and have deep souls. -The "point system" as mentioned above. -They only talk about shallow topics, like the w
  8. Wow, I thought I was only one who thought this, thank you for sharing. Ditto, you think this too! How do you manage around therapists, i get really anxious and put my barriers up. (sorry if this is a little off topic) I'm not entirely sure how I manage. I put my barriers up as well, which leads to me saying "It's hard to explain..." all the time. I get very withdrawn and also obsess about what I'm saying, for example, is what I'm saying consistent with what I said before, they'll think I"m lying, I'm obviously a fake.... And then it's a tail spin from there. So basically, not much g
  9. So we cannot delete our accounts on here? That scares me... You guys should change that, some people post personal things when they are crazy. If anything an account on a website called CrazyBoard should be able to be deleted if the person wishes. Not cool. Fix that please?
  10. thank you guys so much for your insight. when my family tells me to take my meds i don't want to take their advice, but when you guys tell me it makes me re-consider since you guys are in my shoes. i have calmed down a bit and will get back on my meds tonight, hopefully i can stay on them. i am not suicidal, the urge comes and goes very quickly, but it is terrifying because it will be so strong then calm down, like now i feel better. it makes me think "what if i would have ended my life?" then i wouldn't be here right now. my biggest struggle is forcing myself to take my meds every day.
  11. Nobody around me seems to understand what I am going through and when I tell them they just look at me like I am crazy which makes me feel crazier. Or they just say "it's ok, how can I help." "talk to me." but I don't want to talk, I am sick of talking, especially to someone who has no idea what I am going through. My SO is pressuring me to get a part time job so we can move back in together. I would love that but I am not ready to function in society right now. Him pressuring me does not help, it just makes my anxieties worse and makes me feel more guilty. My dad whom I am living with a
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