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About Cerberus

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    Not Entirely Human

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    The Abyssal Inn

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  1. Granted. You are now an eel. I wish this ringing in my ears would stop.
  2. Cerberus

    What if...

    You would only have a 50% chance of that; you could get a Kangaruman.
  3. What an unusual perspective. I have always found myself headed downward into the anus hole of depression. Perhaps you are having a moment of unexpected optimism?
  4. Easily granted! Your astigmatism is completely eliminated. Instead, you now have double vision and see two of everything - but the images are sharp and crystal clear! I wish I didn't have such dry skin.
  5. Granted. Your bracelet is now too small for you. I wish I could see supernatural creatures.
  6. If talking to your pdoc about the way you take specific meds is problematic, perhaps you could shift the nature of the conversation a bit and talk about what the overall strategy is in your case. For instance, I'm prescribed Adderall along with my Effexor XR not because Adderall is gernerall a stimulant, but specifically because Adderall is a dopamine release agent. That pairs along with the Effexor at my dosage being a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. Together, they're targeting what we believe to be a dopamine deficiency caused by a failure of my system to produce enough and keep it long enough. You might be able to get your pdoc to respond in terms of targeted therapeutic dosing along the lines where you're finding relief, if you're able to share the fact that it's happening. (Adderall, incidentally, is not an opiate, but an amphetamine.)
  7. @Fluent In Silence - Sir, on these boards we just sell shoes. Actually, I have always found that the surest way to induce a period is to begin a sentence. : : crickets : : I'm out.
  8. Granted. A powerful tornadic vortex of wind swoops down and sucks all the smoke away, sending it to God knows where. Along with your house. I wish my face was more symmetrical.
  9. Granted. You treat them with an experimental compound that causes them to violently repel all molecules not attached to them within one hour of contact. Then you go out, and an hour later, all your clothes suddenly violently fly off of you in public. I wish I did not loathe exercise.
  10. Gently granted. When you wake, it will be the wear 17,004, and the human race will have evolved into nearly unrecognizable beings, tall, weak and unable to communicate with you. At night, the Mutoes come out from underground and you discover that, once again, you can’t sleep. I wish I knew how to fly a helicopter.
  11. Granted. Congratulations on being the first citizen of Mars. I wish it would snow.
  12. Granted. But now the movie was made a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away and you'll have to wait 150,000 years for the broadcast to reach Earth before you can see it. I wish I enjoyed exercise.
  13. [That is oddly specific and has the ring of personal experience...]
  14. Granted. Now your “Uncle Gino” who paid off your debt wants you to do a “favor” for him - marry his youngest daughter, Ignacia, who has a harelip and a unibrow - or else. I wish I could travel in a submarine.
  15. Cheerfully granted. Unfortunately, you now find that your skeleton is missing certain key bones. I wish I could discover a new species of dinosaur.
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