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About Cerberus

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    The Abyssal Inn

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  1. Sming - What you do when the suffering threatens to overwhelm you is find a way to place the suffering in context. Find an explanation or reason why the suffering must take place. The answer will be as varied as the individual sufferer. For instance, I believe that nothing in the Universe happens without a reason, even if I don’t or can’t comprehend that reason at the moment. I also believe that suffering shapes us as people, refining our character in the was a crucible refines ore. I suffer for a reason, and I can accept that. Perhaps you can discover your own rationale.
  2. Accepting that you have Depression is the same as giving a name to the thing that afflicts you. And to know the name of something is to have power over it. Acceptance allows you to focus your thought and energy on what is known about the problem, and to narrow your choice of actions down to those that are recognized to have a positive effect. If you don't accept your illness - if you vascillate about its nature and its causes - you scatter your mental and physical resources when you need them the most. Depression cannot be cured, but it can be treated, and some people achieve remission. Not everyone (35+ effervescent years of treatment-resistant depression suggest that I may not one of the lucky ones ) but even the most profoundly affected can find some relief of symptoms. Take the proverbial bull by its proverbial horns.
  3. Iceberg - You're looking at this from a sleep perspective, but for so many of us who struggle mightily at times to simply get out of our beds, the issue has nothing to do with sleep. It's a classic symptom of worsening depression. You list your Dx as BP1 - how are you doing in that regard? Are you in a depressed mode? If so, how are you coping? I would recommend that you take a few moments to sit down and honestly assess yourself, your mood states over the last couple of weeks, run down the lists of symptoms of depression in BP1 patients, and see how many of them apply to you at the moment. It could be that in the scramble of trying to keep up with school and whatnot, depression could have crept up on you without your really recognizing it. it's perfidious like that. It could be a sleep issue the way you're thinking, but it doesn't hurt to give your brain a holistic overview from time to time.
  4. It has been said that the difference between being miserable and not is having one nickel more than you need for your monthly bills. I can attest to this, to a degree. I have been on both sides of the equation. I have struggled financially, I have been stable financially, now I'm in dubious waters again. When the question of whether you have the financial resources for your necessities is constantly looming over your head, or at least never very far away, it is an unavoidable drag on mental health, and exacerbates any existing MI a person may be experiencing. This is a quite separate question from whether a person has sufficient funds for exceptional (or even adequate) mental health care. To this degree, at least, I would say that having enough money is always, always a benefit to mental health.
  5. All - This topic deals with life-and-death issues, and as such it naturally provokes strong opinions. The Moderating Team feels that the discussion has been a bit overheated, and that it may be in everyone's best interest for us to lock the thread, at least temporarily, to give everyone a chance to reflect, and to cool down. We will revisit it at a future date. Cerberus Moderator
  6. Non-daily check-in: I’ve been in bed for the better part of six days due to depression, ennui, and lack of raison d’être. As I have lain in bed, I have cogitated on the fact that my ability to have successful (read: non-hate-generating) communication with neurotypicals is getting worse instead of better. It seems that I must make a choice between actively stirring the emotions in my head to a screaming boil in order to try to commune with them, or find peace in a rational mind but get bricks through my window because I believe that feelings don’t equal facts. 😛
  7. Ahoy. I went to a meeting with the county judge executive over a troubling matter, and it went reasonably well. I managed eye contact throughout. My son visited in the evening and helped me with circuits. I just hope he didn't give me his sniffles. I bought the flea, tick, and assorted vermin repellent for the cat to the tune of $114 for a 6-month supply. I could have bought a new cat. I should say at the outset that there's no way I'll be able to reply to this daily. I've always been shite at journalling. But I'll try to remember to stop by.
  8. That's a starter dose of Effexor. At that dosage, your Effexor is working primarily on serotonin, as I understand its effect. You might ask about a mid-range dose to see what effect that has on you and to see if tweaking your norepinephrine helps. If that's still no go, you still have the option of trying the high dose and seeing if dopamine is the culprit. See? Options!
  9. Twizzy - Depending on your Effexor dosage, if it helps you to a degree, you may not need to switch out meds, but rather up (or down) the dose. Effexor is an MRI - multiple reuptake inhibitor, kind of like the Neapolitan ice cream of crazy meds, and its therapeutic effectiveness on each of the big three neurotransmitters - serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine - appears to key to the low, mid, and high dosage ranges respectively. I take the sky-high, ceiling-scraping, moon-lickingest dose my pdoc will let me because I need help with dopamine. It could be that your Effexor is helping with your neurotransmitter needs, but not enough help with the right one, so a dosage tweak could be in order. Also, in my case, my pdoc gives me an Adderall chaser to augment my dopamine release and give the Effexor a leg up. It might be possible to find a companion med to augment your Effexor for the strategy you need as well. Courage!
  10. Twizzy - In reading your account, I found myself wondering if your suicidal ideation may not be as well managed by your medication as it could be, and is actually on a constant low boil just beneath the surface all the time, and your skill set for coping is both 1) overtaxed and 2) not geared for constant, chronic assault. Bear in mind that suicidal ideation is never a normal state of a well mind, and is always a sign that you are symptomatic. My experience for the last three decades has been that therapy is at its most useful when you have meds that fit your chemistry and do what they're meant to do. You shouldn't have to beat back the Suicide Monkeys with your wits alone. Definitely let your pdoc know about this.
  11. The last thing you need right now is a hernia. No more levity for you.
  12. The DSM-V has put the cat amongst the pigeons with its reclassification and renaming of conditions that we common folk thought we had a handle on. [Conspiracy theorists, this is your chance to shine: Do you think the the professionals did it all just so they can reinforce their standing as the only ones who claim to understand all this? Ahem.] For instance, those of us Aspies who discovered Aspergers Syndrome and finally understood why we were different from everyone else suddenly now learn from the DSM-V that there's no such thing. ? The thing is, the actual conditions haven't changed, just the labels. I was diagnosed years ago, correctly, with Major Depressive Disorder with Dysthymia - Refractive, and I still have it. The shorthand for it is/was Double Depression. I've fought it for over 35 years. I find that it's becoming rather more helpful in talking with my pdoc to concentrate on the actual symptoms individually rather than try to keep up with the terms that glom them all together for differential diagnosis. I mean, what am I paying him for? Let him take the clues and solve the mystery. Notloki, something you might consider is to get a copy of the DSM-IV and check your symptoms against that, and see what your dx would be. It may be that more people are suffering the same brand of crazy as you, they just don't know it has a different name now.
  13. Insomnia confirmed. And maybe you should lay off the gym until you've recovered from the concussion...?
  14. Everyone - The nature of this particular board, The Confessional, is such that gripping fears, strong emotions, and reflexive rebuttal combine to make both contributors and readers more vulnerable than usual. The Moderating Team understands this dynamic, and its tendency to result in conflict. The actions and feelings herein "confessed" often generate a sympathy and desire to both help and validate a member's struggle with an eagerness proportional to the distress. Unfortunately, this eagerness and concern is sometimes misconstrued as overbearing. We Moderators are not immune to this, as we are members first, and may suffer in similar ways to a member posting. In the present case, it appears that some of the standard methods we Moderators use to both guide the direction of threads and challenge members to new perspectives on their struggle did not have the desired effect. As a result of the defensive reaction (not uncommon when a person posting is already predisposed to fear judgment) the actions and comments of our Moderators in this thread have been incorrectly characterized as having particular motivations. We are gratified that Antecedent was able to come to this conclusion independently. In a broader sense, though, we still feel we must address the particulars to alleviate any misunderstanding by the general reader. jt07 and Iguana(Gearhead) both suggested that Antecedent take the discussion to a blog - not in an attempt to silence or divert the discussion, but because many of our members have found our blogspace a very effective means of self-expression and self-therapy. Indeed, Antecedent commented on feeling better having written in the blog, afterward. The issue of unsolicited advice seems important here, and in need of clarification. Crazyboards is a peer-support forum. By definition and by inference, a person posting to the boards here should expect advice from peers, even here in The Confessional. A claim that a person did not ask for advice seems inconsistent with this interactive nature of the forum. Our blogspace, on the other hand, is intended for more freeform and open expression, and members have the ability to control whether comments (and the advice they may contain) are accepted at all. No Mod or Admin is going to insist that any member change a belief, habit, or treatment - we have neither that power nor that authority, and are first and foremost members here ourselves. If we err in seeming to be too emphatic, it is out of genuine concern for members' well-being... and because we're also human. (Well, some are. I don't think I'm entirely human, but have no proof.) Regardless, none of us is ever motivated to force any kind of change in a member, and we trust that an understanding of that basic truism may help prevent future misunderstanding. The last thing we want is for our members to come here and feel worse when they leave then when they arrive. Because, yes, we do know how much it hurts. We're just trying to help keep peace in the asylum. With this, we consider the matter closed. Cerberus For the Moderating Team
  15. Alien - I understand that you say that if you go to the hospital you will lose your job, but a job isn't going to be any use to you if you lose your life. Now, if you can channel that same concern the other way - "I can't kill myself because I would lose my job" - then that might actually be helpful. But allowing your job to get in the way of saving your life is not rational. There are other jobs, and if you're a temp, an agency might be able to help you return to employment quickly after you recover. You absolutely must be clear with your pdoc about what you're feeling. Use specifics. Your pdoc is only as good as the data you supply. And no more of this worrying about whether you're inconveniencing people. It's never convenient to be unwell - that's why we pay doctors.
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