Single Status Update
Sometimes I become enraged by my illness. If I were more depressed, I'd be indifferent. I feel i have a right to hate myself when my depression lifts enough to think/feel/speak. Sometimes, i become consumed by self-hatred and I'd rather slip back in to leaden depression.
Holy shit bxt, that describes me exactly! I've never seen somebody else put it into words like that. When my depression is so severe that I can barely sit upright, I don't obsess so much about how shitty my life is because I'm so disabled that I know there's absolutely nothing I can do.
But when it gets to moderate-severe levels and I have a bit more energy, I start hating myself with a passion and ruminate about how worthless I am, and comparing myself to other people. Sometimes I also get angry at my condition.