Jump to content


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Foobi

  1. Have had this problem for many years, along with the anxiety. Some days worse than others. I'm unable to take any medications for it because I have glaucoma. I get up at least three times a night to pee. When shopping, I know where the cleanest bathrooms are located. It's just one of those things that accompany the anxiety. On a good day, I can sit through an entire movie without using the bathroom! I refer to the bad days as FU (frequent urination) days. The tough part is, my bladder gets so full that I can't ignore it. Friends and family are used to my frequent bathroom visits. I call it my second home. I hope you can find some help for your situation. I know how uncomfortable it is. Take care.
  2. You are definitely not alone! Having stopped medication and starting a new job sounds very stressful. I don't know how long it takes to adjust after being on medication, but it seems to be different for everyone. I know some meds stay in your system longer than others, but it might be difficult to adjust psychologically. I've stopped and started many meds in the past 45 years (started when I was 20). Sometimes it took me a few months to adjust. Again, I can only speak for myself. It might be a good idea to check with your Dr.to see if you need to wean off more slowly. I also want to tell you what others have told me. Don't be so hard on yourself. You can replace the soap dispenser! I've had those feelings in the past. Sometimes I pace back and forth until I'm exhausted. Just stay safe.
  3. I understand! I had posted something similar quite a while ago. I feel as if my life has been a performance for others, subject to their approval . Even the simple act of washing dishes I imagine that someone is evaluating my technique. In my case, I think it's part of my bpd. I have this basic emptiness, and need to have everyone like me no matter what. I am very aware of this, and try to do things "just for me", but it's hard to break the pattern. However, that's just my stuff. Anyhow, we all have our ways of coping, just don't give yourself a hard time about it. Take care.
  4. I know that constant anxiety feeling. Benzos are a short term fix, but you can develop a tolerance to them. I took Valium for 13 years and had to go through withdrawal, so I stay away from them. Of all the SSRI's paxil has helped me the most, but everyone's different. I so empathize with you. Some people don't understand that this is much more than just being nervous. My Pdoc prescribed hydroxyzine (vistaril) for severe anxiety. It can make you drowsy, but it seems to help. I hope your able to get relief soon. I've been going through this for at least fifty years. I can tell you that it can and will get better! It doesn't feel that way when you're in the midst of it, but it will ease up. All the best!!
  5. Thanks for the encouragement and support. It really helps!
  6. Thanks for the info. I'll give it a fair try and hope it works for me too!!
  7. Hi Everyone, Really stressed lately. Crying as I type this. I've dealt with bpd, depression, anxiety etc. for so many years. I've changed much of my destructive behaviors and behave more like an adult. However, at the ripe old age of 64 the infant inside still comes out. I've had that "falling over a cliff" felling lately and it's getting worse. My Pdoc prescribed lamictal starting with 25 mg a day. It's been 10 days and I've been feeling worse. I've also gotten 2 migraines in two weeks, which is unusual for me. I called my Pdoc today, and she wants me to give it more of a chance. I just don't know if it's pushing me the rest of the way over the cliff. I think the only real me is the scared infant and everything else is a facade. I'm not suicidal or anything, I just don't want to fall apart again. I know there are no definite answers, I just wanted to vent to people that care and understand. Thanks.
  8. I withdrew from Valium about 30 years ago. What a nightmare! "Back in the day" ( the seventies), doctors prescribed them like candy. Yes, they worked beautifully for a short time but my tolerance increased very quickly. Definitely a short term med. SSRI's are better for chronic anxiety. They don't take it all away like Valium did, but they make it more manageable. Anyway, I hope you find something safe that works for you. Best of luck!
  9. Apology definitely accepted! I never even scrolled down far enough to know there was a family matters section. Also, I'm even more overly sensitive than usual when I'm physically sick. Yeah, it's just about impossible to talk to him, but I know something's gotta give. Thanks so much for responding.
  10. Thanks for correcting me in a sensitive matter. That, I can handle!
  11. Thanks Humanoid. Yes, thesystemsdown, I have bpd and have posted before....in the first person. Maybe it's my BPD, but I found your reply rather insensitive. Others have spoken about family members and how it affects them. I was just trying to feel better. Wow!!
  12. I guess this post is just to vent, because I know the obvious answers. I know I've already said in earlier posts that I was in my sixties, and have dealt with BPD all my life. My two brothers and I grew up in a chaotic household. Lots of yelling and extreme emotions, however, my parents loved us and did their best. I always thought I was the most dysfunctional with my bpd. My one brother appeared to be the "golden boy". He earned his PHD in psychology, had a great job and beautiful family. His wife also earned her PHD in psych.. I know you can't judge a person by their education, but outward appearances looked good. Anyhow, the first sign of trouble was their agreement to live separately in the same house. They would live together "for the sake of the kids" which, to me sounded like a dumb decision . Ok, so the kids are grown and the wife moves out. My brother develops pancreatitis and retires. He first lives with his newly married son, then my other brother. He claimed he was not treated well either place. I, of course offer him a place with me and my partner. He has been here 5 years, it was supposed to be temporary. He says he needs to smoke pot to have an appetite. I didn't want to smell it in the house, so he bought a vaporizer. He claims he is working on a project that, in his words, can possibly change the world. It is a system for managing retirement funds. He never seems to perfect it though. He is intrusive, tells us everything he watches on tv, and every detail of his life. He overreacts to the slightest criticism. At the same time, he is like a sad 3 year old and my heart goes out to him. I know he should move, but I don't have the heart to force the issue. I don't get physically ill often, but I've been sick all week.I am drained. Anyway, sorry I'm so long-winded but there are compassionate people here and I know you understand. Thanks for taking the time to read my tale of woe!
  13. I was just wondering if there were any other seniors (over 60) dealing with bpd. I've managed to stay on an even keel for several years (not without some scary times ), but it has become more difficult to deal with stress lately. I'm very fortunate to have a partner of 34 years, but I want to be able to deal with whatever life throws my way. It's tough dealing with this disorder and aging too. I know the whole thing about living in tHe present, but it's not very easy lately. I welcome any advice or support. Thanks!
  14. Wow! What a terrible experience for you. She seemed to totally lack empathy, which in my opinion is an essential quality for a therapist. Also, that whole "wheel" thing sounds kind of demeaning. I mean, she's not teaching second grade. I've experienced similar things as an inpatient. When you're suffering mentally and physically it's like being kicked in the gut. I hope you find a qualified therapist. In the meantime, there are some wonderful, caring, people on this site who will be glad to offer support.
  15. Thank you Jessamine. It really does help to have someone there for me. I would also be happy to offer help and support to you too. Thanks again!
  16. I so appreciate your responses and reassurance. I do have a caring partner that has been with me for 34 years, but it's difficult for her to understand my disorder. I'm so glad to have found this site. I don't post often, but when I do I have always gotten very helpful responses. Thanks so much for caring! I will say that some things have gotten easier over the years and it's worth fighting through the dark times to get to the other side.
  17. Ok. I'm 63 years old, and have been dealing with bpd oh, let's see.....forever. Anyhow, I am painfully aware of the basic emptiness, etc. and think I have grown over the last 30 years or so. The scary thing is that I've had a few "nervous breakdowns" (for lack of a better description). They've all started as a huge panic attack that doesn't subside. I then go through a hellish period of anxiety, depression, despair..and all the other horrors we all know and hate. They seem to happen every few years with no obvious reason. At those times I have needed either hospitalization or more meds. I wonder if all the times in between are just my false self muddling through and the emptiness just takes over. I just wanted to know if anyone could relate to this (hopefully you're not going through it now). I guess I'm just having a fearful time right now. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
  18. I used to have that feeling when I was younger too. I remember actually pinching myself to see if I was dreaming (I was around 12 or 13 when it was at it's worst). In my case it seemed like there was an anxiety overload and I was escaping. However unpleasant, it was better than feeling panicky. Just remember, it always passes! Fifty some years later, and I'm still plugging away. I'm sorry you're going through this. Hope it passes quickly.
  19. Thanks Titania and Lauren1083 for your encouragement. It helps to know that other people understand. Lauren, I know what you mean when you say your heart hurts. It's a terrible feeling. You are not alone either.
  20. Here goes. I was diagnosed with bpd about 30 years ago, after I stopped self medicating with bourbon and valiums. I'm 63 now, and have made some progress, However I am still "empty". I function as if someone Is always watching what I'm doing. Not like paranoia, but like they're grading my performance. It's usually someone I know and respect, kind of like a parent figure. When I try to just focus on me, it's a real empty feeling. Outwardly, I seem much better than I am inside. Is this a common bpd thing? I find it maddening and scary. Any feedback would be appreciated.
  21. I have had disturbing thoughts (off and on), for about 40 years. I have some OCD mixed in with anxiety, depression, and bpd. They are worse when I'm tired or stressed. I know it can be very distressing. Take heart though, talking about it can really help. Also, appropriate meds can help ease the anxiety.
  22. I've been a member for about a year, but only visited a couple of times. I've had psychiatric problems for at least 50 years. It's been a roller coaster. I've been diagnosed with bpd, ocd, anxiety, depression, etc., etc. I functioned we'll on Valium and bourbon for several years, but of course had to stop. Valium withdrawal was hell! I've been on Paxil cr and deplin for the past few years. Anyway, I'm able to plod through life as best I can. I occasionally fall into a pit of emotional horror, but manage to climb back out. Well, anyhow I'm glad I found this site. I love the intelligence and the humor......so much better than that mushy/gushy crap!
  23. Hi, I've had panic disorder since childhood (I'm 62). I also have some bpd crap mixed with depression, sprinkled with a host of other stuff. Let's see.....oh yeah, I've had 3 psych hospital stays. I'm currently retired and continue to muddle through life. Oh, also I'm gay which went over really well in the '60s. Anything to help the old self esteem, right?
  • Create New...