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Everything posted by basuraeuropea

  1. yeah, there are some really benzophobic doctors out there and i feel like the anti-benzodiazepine movement within psychiatry is only growing as time passes when there are truly some of us who need and rely on benzodiazepines. i'm glad that you get decent coverage with your HMO being disabled and all.
  2. are you able to change insurance carriers? because you have a shitty hmo. OR can you get your psychiatrist to write you two scripts - one that your HMO will pay for and another that you'll pay for out-of-pocket with the latter being the benzodiazepine?
  3. my employer doesn't check at all. i mean, i work a highly-skilled white-collar job, so i don't think that there's much policing of drug use unless it's visibly apparent or something. anyhow, marijuana in gummy bear form puts me to sleep and kinda helps with anxiety, but if i smoke it, BAM! paranoia central + panic attacks. i guess that has to do with the amount ingested? anyhow, i don't use it because i don't find it very pleasant ingested or smoked.
  4. i think i might try 15mg of trintellix and 40mg of cymbalta (instead of the 30mg i was on previously with 15mg of trintellix) because 20mg of trintellix is just way too difficult for me to take. the side effects way outweigh the benefits.
  5. so i decided to go up to 20mg off trintellix last night and drop the last 30mg of cymbalta and i wouldn't have done this if i had not been having pretty severe breakthrough anxiety several hours between my klonopin/lyrica doses. it's a gamble, but yeah, i can go back to 15mg and resume taking 30mg of cymbalta even though that's funky and i was having that terrible breakthrough anxiety which is, as you know, a pretty severe setback for a panic disorder sufferer. this isn't directly related to cymbalta/trintellix, but rather dropping ambien which was playing a dual role as an anxiolytic and a sedative hypnotic. i've lost that anxiolysis, however, i've also lost the sexual dysfunction associated with ambien which was far more that i had thought. i'm hoping this works! thanks so much for all of your help during this transition @CrazyRedhead!
  6. okay, @CrazyRedheadI need advice and you're just the one to give it because you're on 20mg of trintellix. so since discontinuing ambien i have had some normalization of sexual functioning which has been fantastic for me in general - the question my doctor has is whether the increase to 15mg from 10mg of trintellix had something to do with it as well as both changes occurred around the same time. so, he has proposed two options: continue with the cross-taper and see what happens knowing that the sexual sides may increase on the full 20mg of trintellix or hold everything steady and perhaps wind up on two antidepressants (15mg of trintellix and 30mg of cymbalta) and never know if things would improve even further. i don't know what to do!
  7. thanks, @CrazyRedhead. yes, the next step of the cross-taper is to raise trintellix to 20mg and drop cymbalta. thanks for the encouraging words. i had an appointment this past week with my psychiatrist who said that he will monitor me closely and if things don't improve over the next few weeks to a month then he will attack the problem from a novel method but didn't mention which or what he was leaning toward. my guess is that he doesn't quite know yet. my next appointment is in three weeks because of the suicidal ideation that i've been having due to the life-impairing side effects. anyhow, for now i'll just continue with the cross-taper as i'm due to be off of cymbalta completely by tuesday evening of this week. so far i'm doing okay without ambien...
  8. as an update, i'm now on 15mg of trintellix and 30mg of cymbalta and nearly done with the cross-taper. i'm also trying to drop the 10mg of ambien for the sake of simplicity if i am able to without my anxiety spiking a ton and creating problems. tonight is the first night going without the 5mg that i had gotten myself down to and thus i'm posting at 1:15am. other than my appetite normalizing, there have to-date been no other benefits. i suppose one could say that's a very large benefit and it is, but i've otherwise been really quite disappointed in trintellix as it feels like any other ssri to me. i could be cross-tapering onto paxil for all it feels like. still sexually dysfunctional, still depressed, but i now weigh 137 lbs.
  9. i mean, i think, @Cerberus, that it's a given that those on the spectrum, along those with personality disorders and those with severe forms of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are not by any means approaching normalcy in any social manner; really, in manner at a all. i never at all said, however, that i wanted opinions of those who are normal, as no one on this site suffering from any form of mental illness is 'normal'. we are all suffering, but some are so far from those who are not affected by mental illnesses and part of the norm amongst the general population that their input, while valuable to those, i'm sure, within their own respective communities, isn't of any value to me as what am i going to find of value in an autist stating that he/she doesn't understand the value of human interaction? absolutely nothing to an anxiety sufferer taking a benzodiazepine and an ssri. i've been a member of this forum for nearly a decade, but i haven't posted much because while i do have severe variants of my respective disorders which lie along the depressive and anxiety spectrum, i have found a home on sites dedicated to generalized anxiety disorder as well as panic disorder with agoraphobia rather than here and even then, i don't visit those sites often because my life here and there goes to hell, however, generally over the course of the years, it's been closer to the norm than what i've seen here. i just thought i'd pop on over, but clearly the members of this site are far too different from me and far more affected by mental illness in daily life as demonstrated by this thread in which there are far too many autistic individuals or those with personality disorders or those who suffer from disorders involving psychosis, and i can't forget those with personality disorders that it's clear i'm not at home here and my place is on forums dedicated to those aforementioned and dedicated to anxiety and depressive disorders. i hope that you all do get the treatment that you deserve in order to live fulfilling lives, because it's sounds like it's needed.
  10. i mean, i didn't want to be exclusive by stating that people on the spectrum weren't really necessary within this thread, but i should have been more clear as to who i wanted feedback and opinions from. as for the 'no offense but' usage, it was clearly used in sarcastic response to the poster who used it invariably to offend in the post above. again, i really should have made the post stating, 'for those who are suffer from depressive and anxiety disorders...' but i didn't, because again, inclusion. and for the poster who asked where the normal people are on crazyboards - they aren't here, they're living their lives without mental illness proving to be a great hurdle in the way of major life goals. note that normal was placed in quotations and it was placed in quotations for a reason. you interpret that as you wish. that's all i have to say about that.
  11. thanks so much, ladies! i was expecting to crash and burn after dropping remeron but i didn't experience any of the withdrawal symptoms that i have experienced in the past trying to get off the drug. trintellix didn't make me nauseated either, which i was worried about. at least it hasn't yet. and the switch back to ambien went very well. my appetite today was below normal, which was a welcomed change. i'm within reach of my goal weight as i'm 140 lbs right now and i should be around 135ish, so i don't have much more to go and it seems that this combo will assist greatly. i'm hoping to perhaps end up on 15mg of trintellix, although i'm not sure how to do that yet, but my mind is constantly working on trying to figure out a solution. my doctor wants me maxed out on 20mg, but i feel like the side effect profile will be more pronounced at that dosage. we'll see.
  12. i began trintellix last night, @CrazyRedhead and @Iceberg! i thought it was best to do so given the side effects that I was experiencing, the amount of depression that was burdening me, and my desire to better my quality of life. i did take a chance and dropped remeron at the same time, which in the past has been very disastrous, but as of right now, some 10 hours later, i am feeling relatively fine - the same as one would expect to feel when switching from an snri to an ssri and nothing more. no brain zaps to speak of as of yet and i probably won't experience them because i'm going from an snri to an ssri. my anxiety levels are elevated but manageable. i also switched back to ambien because i prefer that drug more than sonata or lunesta and am taking 10mg currently, but my doctor said to increase back to 15mg as necessary should anxiety levels become uncomfortable to try to counter those. anyway, wish me luck as i really hope that things change for the better. i'm a bit concerned that my end goal dose of trintellix will be 20mg/day, which is the max as i'm on the max dose of cymbalta, and only because i would imagine that on any high dose of any medication the side effect profile is generally going to be more pronounced.
  13. i mean, no offense, but i wouldn't expect someone on the spectrum to even be commenting on this thread let alone understanding what "normal" people wish or don't wish for. you should take a step back and be respectful of the desires of others, whatever those may be, as clearly there are differences between us and you are coming off as both offensive and bitter.
  14. i, contrarily, would rather have companionship. that's a deeply personal preference, however, i would argue that most of the world's population, if given the opportunity between the two, solitude and companionship, would choose companionship.
  15. oh, well, in that i wholeheartedly agree with you in theory, although in my experience and depending on the severity of the mental illness, how it presents itself, the treatment and the treatment's side effects, i have found that it's significantly more difficult.
  16. i made it down to 15mg of sonata which is still a considerable amount, however, it's been halved from the 30mg that i started at. i feel fine and feel that i would be able to reduce it further and with each reduction depression lifts incrementally and sexual functioning improves also incrementally so it's clear there is a correlation here. however, and this is a big however, i ate the entire kitchen last night, so that unfortunate side effect has returned on this drug as it presented itself on ambien. i'm unsure what to do -- switch back to lunesta at a lower dose maybe 1-2mg? i don't know. or to continue on with this drug and keep reducing until i can't any longer. the problem with the latter is that i'll likely continue to binge eat and i'm not about to gain back 35lbs lost. so i really don't know what to do here. any suggestions would be appreciated.
  17. i don't think this is true. i think that as one who has been in a longterm relationship before shit really hit the fan, that companionship and love provide for a more profound outlook on life and a deeper sense of happiness than one can achieve alone. that's been the case for me and we all prioritize different things, but humans are inherently social creatures and love is an amazing phenomenon perhaps unique to our species where loyalty might be more common amongst others inhabiting the planet. anyhow, suffice it to say that i would love to reenter the dating scene and find someone but there are psych issues (depression most of all at the moment, even though my primary refractory diagnoses are within the anxiety spectrum) holding me back and also a fair bit of sexual dysfunction that has been problematic to say the least also holding me back. that is the lesbian's dating world, but as a gay guy, it isn't much different on this side of the aisle. the communities are just so small and tight-knit. i've been out of the dating scene for such a long time, though, and i also have explaining to do because like wtf have i been doing for the past decade that has prevented me from dating is going to be a question that i'm not totally prepared to answer and i'm not totally prepared to date, either although i want to so very badly.
  18. i also find dating difficult due to self-esteem issues, anxiety and sexual dysfunction as a result of the medications. the pandemic has put everything on hold, although now that i'm fully vaccinated (i'm youngish -- 35, but was one of early ones to receive vaccination doses because i work in educational administration) i feel like i should be being more proactive but i'm not because well, the same issues that prevented me from dating before are still present.
  19. @Icebergi haven't. do you think it would make any difference? it was brought up once because i had inquired but both my doctor and his nurse said that it was unlikely to produce a different side effect profile because it's the same compound which makes sense. i was able to reduce to 20mg of zaleplon, btw, and am trying 15mg tonight to see if i can remain stable. this drug does work, although it takes the worst of both zolpidem and eszopiclone, the only benefit being that i can remain on a lower dose of the drug which isn't quite worth it unless side effects remit.
  20. i ate a significant amount during the middle of the night tonight, although it wasn't a binge eating episode, i would say that i wasn't able to or wasn't easily able to control my eating. thankfully i was able to stop after eating a number of cookies and i felt terrible. also, notable in that i took 20mg/zaleplon tonight which means that i may be able to get on on a lower dose of zolpidem, although i think that even on a lower dose of zolpidem i would have problems with major binging. i'm down to 140 lbs and i can't afford to gain weight after losing 35lbs thus far. i'm naturally a thin person, or that is to say prior to beginning treatment with remeron and ambien together along with the rest of the cocktail, i had always hovered around 135lbs without any problems or issues. i'm wondering how the hell to get off of remeron but it's doing a lot. it's easier to reduce sonata than remeron by far, but oddly, it's not easy at all to reduce lunesta.
  21. thank you to everyone who has shared their story. i know things are difficult for many of us here on this site, although it appears that 'normalcy' within the romantic and/or social sphere(s) has affected most of us, no matter how 'normal' we may appear externally, particularly within our respective careers. it is disappointing to read the pain within these stories, i do have to admit.
  22. ah, so it seems that some people are and some people are not. like you, @wookie, i also look outwardly normal by all measures, but inside i am definitely not. the pandemic aside, i was just really referencing life in general. the pandemic will pass and the situation may improve or it may not. i have a lot of things going for me, but i also have a lot of attributes associated with the disorders that people would consider detrimental. it's difficult for sure but i do want companionship much like the vast majority of others on the planet. i don't think this is a sign of negative symptoms showing themselves, i think this is a very real and a very valid concern of yours, unfortunately due to the stigmatization that surrounds those disorders in particular.
  23. thanks, @CrazyRedheadi'm feeling okay today - a bit of dysthymia. this medication really isn't a substitute for the magic that was ambien but for whatever reason just doesn't work out. i am okay, though. hopefully things will continue to improve as i continue to take the medication and other medications leave my system.
  24. hello all, i have been thinking lately a lot about the relationships that i have with others, friendships mostly as i haven't had a romantic relationship in quite some time due directly to mental illness. oddly enough, though, i have been able to grow a 'grown-up career' and thrive. i lost that career once over the past ten years due to a run of atypical antipsychotric trials and the medications working so terribly for me, but i quickly recovered and picked up where i left off. anyhow, i was wondering, because most of us here have very severe disorders or very severe variants of disorders, how this impacts your romantic relationships and how many of you guys and gals are in fulfilling romantic relationships? at this point (i'm in my mid-30s) and haven't been in a relationship for about ten years and at that time was actively dating before my already treatment-resistant severe-variant anxiety disorders took a turn for the worst and i stopped due to, well, progression of the illnesses. i would love to get back out there but because i'm so impacted by mental illness, i feel like it's such an ingrained part of who i am and wonder if this will prevent romantic relationships - everything from future relapses to minor instability, medication issues to sexual issues due to medications. like, yes, there is a relatively long "sexual window" during which i "work" currently and i have to take dexedrine outside of that time because i'm not normal. nothing is normal and i want a normal relationship but with someone compassionate and i feel like i have to put this information out there somewhere on dating profiles online and i feel that that makes me vulnerable in some way because as much as mental illness is a part of me, it's a part of me that is stigmatized by society and will, no doubt, drive good people away because they have been told or have heard that mental illness = violence or mental illness = the most severe form of schizophrenia out there where we are never in touch with reality which again brings us back to potentially being violent or just outright bizarre. that bizarre quality i think is what makes us so actively and passively avoided once they know that we are or have not been well. i dunno, i suppose i'm just looking for tips on how to deal with this and jump back into the dating world because 1. i'm on a lot of medication to treat severe disorders 2. i fall unstable every now and again, sometimes more severely than others and 3. i'm shy, so meeting people in person is difficult for me unless i'm at work and those people are, for the most part, a lot older than i am, so...yeah. like, how do i do it? how do i stick it in an online profile without blasting out BTW, I'M A BASKET CASE? i know that some of you lead very normal lives relative to me and i know that i lead a very normal career life relative to some of you. i'd like to bridge the gap between my career life and my social life in a positive direction because i do get lonely like anyone else would and i'd like companionship like any other.
  25. so yeah, second day on sonata. first day was at 30mg of the drug, however that may have been too much, so having 5mg capsules in order to fine tune the nightly dose, i reduced to 25mg which is only slightly above the fda recommended max of 20mg/night. i'm going to try 25mg again tonight and i fully expect one of those two doses to keep me stable during the entire day which is reallllllllly weird because of the super short half-life, but the z-drugs are pretty great in this fashion. also, no worsening of depression, appetite is normal, and libido seems to be returning, although i'll have to wait a while to see what remains and what doesn't on the sexual side effect front -- perhaps til the end of the week if i do see gains in the area, and earlier in the week if it's another lunesta experience, but i don't think it's going to be. i think we may have found a winner, kids! and without having to go through the physical and mental pain of changing several of my core medications. i'll update later in the week, but this is really quite promising!
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