Unstrung Harp

I'm sorry. That does sound scary. Hopefully it will at least be helpful in controlling the spread, but certainly anxiety-provoking.

I like this shiny new update.

Yes. Exactly those things.

Just a little attempted coup over here in the U.S. Nothing to see here.

Sorry about the tear and the reaction to the dye. I guess it's good they found the tear finally though.

I've had the most luck finding doctors I like, including PCP, through a chain of recommendations from other doctors. I got my last PCP through my Pdoc, because I was concerned my at the time current doc wasn't taking me seriously because of my MI. He referred me to someone he knew who was married to a psychiatrist, on the theory that she would be more understanding, and she was wonderful. From her I got several great referrals to other specialists. I think doctors tend to know not just the clinical skills of other doctors, but whether they're personable and have good bedside manner. Any chance

I did recently for about eight months but eventually went off the Depakote because I gained 40 pounds in six months. At the peak I was on 750mg Depakote and 150mg Lamotrigine. We added in Vraylar after two months or so because the Lamictal did not seem to bring my depression under control, but I had been in a bad depressive episode. Full blown mania with psychosis is not an issue for me.

We will be staying home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, as much as I don't want to. We considered going to my niece's house, where it would have been her, my sister, my other niece and her boyfriend. The boyfriend works in a grocery store and my kids are in school part time, so I wasn't comfortable with the risk on either end, particularly with my sister being in a higher risk group than I am. We have discussed just the four of us going to my niece's house in mid-December for some kind of celebration, but it will depend on how things are going. I don't think you're wrong to not want to go to h

It looks like we did this thing.

yes please.

The fact that’s even a question right now and that so many Americans voted for four more years of this bullshit is incredibly disheartening.

I am taking about 3mg of Ativan daily right now, which is a larger amount of benzo than I have historically taken daily, and I have only rarely dosed with a benzo regularly. But that's a big part of what's getting me through right now. Good to know you didn't have trouble returning to your regular dose after the infection.

It’s good that you’re going to bring this up with tdoc, echo. I hope they can help you work through it. I would encourage you not to be hard on yourself though, and to try to reframe your thoughts that you’re “behaving badly.” Self injury is a coping mechanism, albeit not one that’s useful or healthy in the longterm. You’ve clearly got some things going on and are having some trouble regulating how you act on your emotions. But I don’t think you’re behaving badly. Beating yourself up about it is unlikely to help, and you don’t deserve it.

I brought it up with my Pdoc, who sent me to a psychologist for a few hours of neuropsychological testing. I wasn't given historical questionnaires for anyone. In the end the psychologist found I did have some deficits, but attributed them to anxiety. I discussed my disagreement with this with Pdoc, who is a good listener and pretty collaborative about my care, and he went ahead and prescribed me adderall anyway, which helped for a few years (though it did initially make me hypomanic and got me the bipolar diagnosis and an AAP). What I really wish for are the kinds of services I imagine I woul