Unstrung Harp

I’ve been thinking about jt because it’s been almost a year. It was in the news that someone in Florida got brain-eating amoeba and I remember it came up in the question thread that both of us were terrified if we swam in fresh water lakes we’d get brain amoeba. Random amusing factoid to remember about someone. Anyway, I miss jt. He was always really kind to me.

Not currently. I’ve got quarantine hair. Do you like ferris wheels?

To answer some of your questions from my experience (two times in one hospital). Both voluntary admission.The place I've been does not seem to like you bringing your own toiletries, or at least full sized products (which I guess one could drink?), and seem to like to give you their own. I have both shared a room and had my own room depending on how crowded it was. When I shared, they were nice enough to let me move to my own when people left (I asked). They did do round the clock fifteen minute checks. I tried to time showers and getting dressed for just after they'd been through so I didn't have to worry about privacy as much. The hospital I was in encouraged you to not be in your room during the day, and to participate in group activities, but if I had a migraine or felt emotionally awful and didn't feel up to leaving my room. there were no repercussions, they just checked on me and encouraged me to come out and participate. And there was a little bit of time in between sessions when I could have some alone time, and after dinner. Yes, the TV seemed to be on most of the time if there weren't an activity going on in the common area, and people had to sort of compromise on what to watch. Books should be fine, cell phones more likely than not will not be allowed I would think (we had a couple of free phone booths we could use and people could call us on). Whether or not you go in directly or through the ER also probably depends on the hospital. I unfortunately had to go in through the ER even though my Pdoc is head of psychiatry and called ahead to the social worker the last time. I guess they still had to triage me and go through the insurance stuff before I went to the ward. As an aside, make sure there are no strings or cords whatsoever in any of the clothes you bring, even ones that seem harmless, because they will likely take the clothes away (but return them when you leave). I will say, that though it was painful deciding to go in both times and having to deal with the intake process, and I don't think anyone enjoys being on the psych ward, that I didn't have a bad experience either time. It was a relief to not have to think about keeping myself safe, and to push the restart button. I hope that whatever you decide it goes well for you. Definitely not an easy decision.

Have you looked into whether your school has medical and psychological services intended for students? That might be a relatively cost effective way of finding a therapist and/or psychiatrist.

Don't forget comfy pants that don't have strings and a sweater. Second the book and some markers and coloring book. If you take any other meds besides psych meds best to bring them along to give to them in case they don't have what you need in the pharmacy.

Thanks for weighing in. I have noticed that while initially very specific things that happened triggered these delusions for me in April, the kinds of things you mention can also set them off for me out of the blue as well. I haven’t really broached this with pdoc because I kind of don’t have the language to talk about it, and am mostly able to talk myself out of the thoughts to some degree.

Concerned.

So happy to hear Beaux is on the mend.

Anxious and unfocused, per usual.

So sorry to hear that, ladybug. Sending healing thoughts to Beaux. I hope the vets can help him.

I'm not really good at winding down leading up to sleep, which I guess is a big part of sleep hygiene, but I often listen to guided sleep meditations as I'm going to sleep, which seems to help. Sometimes I just play the meditation app's nature sounds (I do the ocean but YMMV), and that also helps me. When I remember I drink herbal tea with name's like "Rest Well" an hour or so before bed.

Morning meds Read 10 pages Meditate Dishes Vacuum Get some exercise Return dog onesie Prune rose bush - raining Do software tutorial Work on conclusion Call dermatologist office Dealt with some emails I've been avoiding

On the one hand I got some work done and feel somewhat good about that, on the other hand I can't get out of the cycle of berating myself for everything I say or do.

Worried.

I had my phone therapy appointment with Pdoc today, and was really thrown that my neighbor and her daughter were sitting out on their porch, which is like twenty feet from my car. I had the windows closed, so sound was probably muffled, but found myself talking quietly on speakerphone and turned down the volume on my phone. It made me a little paranoid and I didn't like it. And she was probably wondering why I was sitting in my car talking on the phone for an hour, even if she couldn't hear, so overall I felt very self conscious. Pdoc is making noises about going back to office visits in two weeks after the stay at home orders are most likely lifted, and I have mixed feelings about that.