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Unstrung Harp

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Everything posted by Unstrung Harp

  1. Just a little attempted coup over here in the U.S. Nothing to see here.
  2. Sorry about the tear and the reaction to the dye. I guess it's good they found the tear finally though.
  3. I've had the most luck finding doctors I like, including PCP, through a chain of recommendations from other doctors. I got my last PCP through my Pdoc, because I was concerned my at the time current doc wasn't taking me seriously because of my MI. He referred me to someone he knew who was married to a psychiatrist, on the theory that she would be more understanding, and she was wonderful. From her I got several great referrals to other specialists. I think doctors tend to know not just the clinical skills of other doctors, but whether they're personable and have good bedside manner. Any chance
  4. I did recently for about eight months but eventually went off the Depakote because I gained 40 pounds in six months. At the peak I was on 750mg Depakote and 150mg Lamotrigine. We added in Vraylar after two months or so because the Lamictal did not seem to bring my depression under control, but I had been in a bad depressive episode. Full blown mania with psychosis is not an issue for me.
  5. We will be staying home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, as much as I don't want to. We considered going to my niece's house, where it would have been her, my sister, my other niece and her boyfriend. The boyfriend works in a grocery store and my kids are in school part time, so I wasn't comfortable with the risk on either end, particularly with my sister being in a higher risk group than I am. We have discussed just the four of us going to my niece's house in mid-December for some kind of celebration, but it will depend on how things are going. I don't think you're wrong to not want to go to h
  6. The fact that’s even a question right now and that so many Americans voted for four more years of this bullshit is incredibly disheartening.
  7. I am taking about 3mg of Ativan daily right now, which is a larger amount of benzo than I have historically taken daily, and I have only rarely dosed with a benzo regularly. But that's a big part of what's getting me through right now. Good to know you didn't have trouble returning to your regular dose after the infection.
  8. It’s good that you’re going to bring this up with tdoc, echo. I hope they can help you work through it. I would encourage you not to be hard on yourself though, and to try to reframe your thoughts that you’re “behaving badly.” Self injury is a coping mechanism, albeit not one that’s useful or healthy in the longterm. You’ve clearly got some things going on and are having some trouble regulating how you act on your emotions. But I don’t think you’re behaving badly. Beating yourself up about it is unlikely to help, and you don’t deserve it.
  9. I brought it up with my Pdoc, who sent me to a psychologist for a few hours of neuropsychological testing. I wasn't given historical questionnaires for anyone. In the end the psychologist found I did have some deficits, but attributed them to anxiety. I discussed my disagreement with this with Pdoc, who is a good listener and pretty collaborative about my care, and he went ahead and prescribed me adderall anyway, which helped for a few years (though it did initially make me hypomanic and got me the bipolar diagnosis and an AAP). What I really wish for are the kinds of services I imagine I woul
  10. We miss you. Sorry you got whammied by this. I hope it all passes soon.
  11. I definitely think living with depression or other serious MI is traumatic, especially if you've experienced thoughts or actions of self harm, or hospitalizations. I can separate who I am from my MI, in that I know that I am more than my MI, but I have a hard time separating my history and things that I have struggled with in the past or continue to struggle with from myself, because here I am living with all of those entrenched bad feelings and their consequences for years of my life. There's also the trauma even when relatively healthy of wondering when will it come back, will I be able to f
  12. Not my pupper, but still adorable. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrAm5YVvXx8&fbclid=IwAR0P3zOQnpIKIFfZFL1K0Hkh4RJ8WaJGqHR_T--rVrdv80vopcUGs5D0Yds
  13. I can definitely relate to what you’re saying, and though it gets worse when I’m depressed I think for me it is largely a symptom of social anxiety disorder. It happens to me even when I am not especially depressed. I go out and end up questioning everything I’ve said and whether the people I was with really dislike me, beating myself up, etc. When I’m depressed, though, it can be especially brutal self talk like you mention. I’m sorry you’re going through that. You mention an anxiety disorder, but has social anxiety in particular come up as a possibility?
  14. I think I might have akathisia from the new med. can’t get comfortable.
  15. I hear what you’re saying about wanting to stay informed. That is something I’ve struggled with especially over the past four years, how to balance that with my mental health. I can see how news at night can be activating when you’re trying to wind down, as opposed to early in the morning or at lunch. But it is hard sometimes to replace something that’s part of your routine.
  16. I find that watching news as opposed to reading it is especially bad when I’m feeling anxious or fragile, with all the physical stimulation of the chyrons and the chatter and their tone of voice. When I’m in overload I try, usually unsuccessfully, to avoid even reading the news, but a lot of that is tied into avoiding Facebook for me because I follow a lot of news outlets there. Also, the world, particularly here, is a dumpster fire right now so I find it hard not to get amped up from the news these days. Sorry that was long.
  17. The day after my second dose and I feel not sedated exactly, but wooly in the head. It hasn't knocked me out either night, and I've actually had insomnia. It's only 20mg, so hopefully I will adjust and we'll be able to up the dosage to the twice a day that seems to be indicated.
  18. Thanks, Cheese. I took it last night with dinner and wasn’t excessively sleepy today, just dragging, but I slept on the couch last night because my husband announced he felt like he was getting sick so I skittered away (he seems better today, though I don’t feel so great, which hopefully is the geodon). I did discover online a potential serious interaction with my tamoxifen that I have to discuss with pdoc, so maybe I’ll have to stop taking it. That’s interesting. Different doses or med combos? I’m disappointed both that I don’t get the cool geodon swag and that my Pdoc never disc
  19. ugh. that's disheartening. I don't really know what else we would replace the Vraylar with, and lamotrigine is not, I believe, generally used as a mono-therapy.
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