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  1. OK, Ive been depressed, very and dissociating as well as going into a rage and this is the worst ever, it even scares myself, its like I became a demon on my wife, no physical violence but Im very worried about it happening again. Therapist says I need inpatient, Pdocs own NP thinks I need inpatient, but Pdoc thinks nothing of it nahhh I don't need that. I don't want it, it sucks but Im really concerned with that rage as a well as a depression that has me showering once a month, barely getting out of bed and when I do Im a manic monster. I guess the question is, why would he not want me too, when everyone else does and rare as it is, Im wiling, I was willing to go straight from his office. He says call him first, see you in two months.
  2. Started out with this therapists, had fantastic rapport. She really done a lot for me with a lot of issues. Now after a year I find it hard to talk to her, its like my therapy is going in reverse. Weird. Anyone else have this? Could it be she knows too much about me and that's making me clam up now, like I don't want anyone to know me that well, maybe that's it. I just leave aggravated now, like the two of us are on two different channels
  3. OK, kind of a conundrum here, I have what has been a pretty good therapist albeit some diffucult questions, but thats their job. This is the third therapist Ive had, Im 50. The first problem is yesterday she tells me my job for the week is to process whether I want to divorce my wife, yes thats right, one week. Now I admit in therapy Ive complained about wife, normal I think, Ive said Id like to take off for Colorado, of course Im bipolar goes with territory half the time, dont do it, but think about it. Now my previous therapists when the subject of marital problems came up, and it was a too much they all have told me almost identical in so many words "I can recomend you to a good marriage counselor but I am already biased to you and there are two sides to every story, it wouldnt be ethical to continue this path' (again paraphrasing but generally the statement) anyway then theydsubject. So my question is "what do you folks think? Ethical? Not? if so one week, really? I am not even seeing her for anything with marriage, again yes I complain about my spouse, sometimes, probably like the whole damn country complains. Now the other question, so I called the insurance primarily to check her credentials and why visits vary from 25 to 35, 40 ,45 minutes and supposed to have hour, or at least the customary 50 minutes. Well during that call I find out my diagnosis is an ICD F43.23 adjustment disorder, mixed anxiety and mild depression. So I called insurance again and found out its NOT for billing it makes no difference to them what the diagnosis that is for dr.. So as it says below I am Schizo-affective, bipolar 1, PTSD, self harm. Now I am not hung up on labels myself, call me anything, except when they matter for other reasons of which they are quite important. So I dont get where this 29 year old therapists almost fresh out of school knows more than the three psychiatrists Ive had who have seen me through 15 plus hospital stays, Ive lost count. Anyway they have diagnosed me first, bipolar 1 w/psychotic features (yes I see and hear things that arent there quite often) and then mind you they each, Ive been fortunate, they each have had over 30 years experience each. Nonetheless, the problem is much as I like this therapists Im not sure how I can resolve what feels to me as though I cant trust her, I dont feel her handling of marriage issues is ethical, I dont feel she is qualified to handle my ACTUAL condition, sorry Ill take 3 Pdocs word, and how do I know I'm getting correct treatment if she cant diagnose or is arrogant enough to not somewhat concur with drs, I mean even I know psychotic features, halucinations, command voices, self-harm none fits with her diagnosis, not playing "google doctor" just going by past pdoc's and other tdoc's. I forgot to tell ya'all she changes subject when Ive brought up the hard stuff like suicide, bipolar, self harm, psychotic features especially.
  4. I have never had a therapist that can't make up her f&*king mind how long a session is. Supposed to be 45 minutes, maybe running over, at least thats what was explained in first session. This woman it dont matter it may be 40, 35 and now were getting into 25 minutes, for Christ sake I dont want to drive the distance for 25 minutes. Plus what the hell is the insurance paying for something different every week. I know I should say something but I guess IM at this vulnerable stage where right now I just dont have it in me. Although I do feel like telling her next wednesday I called my insurance companies cause I was concerned why their only paying for 25 minutes now, see if she gets the hint. Also, just tired of never knowing how long I have to talk or if I'm gonna be instantly cut off. this is a new one on me, before an hour was an hour, maybe fifty minutes but it was consistent week to week.
  5. I'm going to have to ask about the "insight" that you mentioned, although I am pretty sure she meant "control it" and that this question DID have a right or wrong answer. Meaning if I said I could control, that would have been wrong, now what she would have learned I'm not sure.
  6. Ive actually had hallucinations and voices for quite some time. Most of the time its been the same kind of hallucinations so it hasn't bothered me. Lately I guess the last year Ive seen these opaque black figures, they don't talk or anything, but it is almost like I pick up this totally malevolent vibe that just sends absolute fear through me. Has anyone else picked up vibes rather than voices or something spooky looking for lack of a better word?
  7. Had a question from therapist yesterday that kind of made me think, thought I'd bring it here. She ask me: Do you feel you're at a point that you are in control of your bipolar now? After some thought had to answer truthfully NO, I've never really felt in control of it at all. Basically in two hours or at any time my whole mood can change like flipping a switch, and I really don't immediately notice the switch. But it seemed a pretty profound and fair question, maybe some folks are more in control of it. Kind of wonder if there was a right or wrong answer and by the way I've been bipolar for roughly 25 years if it matters. well actually schizo-affective, bipolar 1 type for the last couple years, if the labels are important. s
  8. So Ive really been feeling bad so i tell my therapist like 4 or 5 times Im feeling suicidal, the last time I ask if "I appeared too happy because I do tend to put on a happy face, even when depressed", she says that don't really happen then she says "Well I've been told I can recognize someone suicidal very well". I thought on the way home, dont really happen oh yeah like Robin Williams. Anyway, as she is only 29, I wondered and remembered everytime I bring up Bipolar, Depression, PTSD, Halucinations and voices and especially self-harm she changes subject. And later that night I cut. Now I am wondering although she is a clinical social worker, is she really qualified for mental illnesses beyond basic couseling or not confident in those areas. For the most part I do really like her but, hey, as you can see below I got quite a mess of mental problems, I do need someone competent in those areas.
  9. Gearhead, yes I asked them today what it was about?,The secretary, told me it was routine, everybody had to do it. I told her that they made all the jewish people get into the gas chambers but that don't make it right. She said she would have NP call me not to take test yet, I told her I had no problem with lithium level as that was relevant.
  10. Wonderful cheese, NP stands for nurse practitioner and I should have said it originally but just like you I have got drug screens at mental hospitals and psych wards as routine procedure, in fact I usually got the whole blood work-up with it.
  11. Anybody else have to get a drug screen from NP at Pdoc. First time ever in over 22 years with new Pdoc. I don't have a drug addiction history.
  12. Alright folks I've just been bumped up to "schizoaffective bipolar type" from "bipolar 1", do I still belong in the bipolar section of crazyboards?
  13. Thanks for the replies everyone. I am guilty of using humor to hide true emotions and insecurities myself, this therapist as I said dont seem to have a sense of humor whereas a therapist I was with for 10-12 years actually (softly) threw her thermos at me when I'd get to sarcastic or tell a really bad joke. Guess I kind of miss her technique, but she moved across the country. Guess I'll just have to get used to this one cause I really really like her otherwise, just have to adjust to her different style (think I'll still have to joke though lol, can't resist). Once again, thanks all for the great comments and advice.
  14. I've noticed that three of the therapists I've had do not have a sense of humor. I tend to joke when I'm nervous and I have noticed all of them including the current one that I really really like; when you tell a joke they don't laugh, they don't talk, they just give you this droole (spelling) blank, silent look. What is this some kind of psych. trick or what? I find humor seems to loosen the tension. Well I don't know, any comments are welcome.
  15. Thanks for all the great answers everybody, very informative. I have another question if anyone knows......What are the psychological effects or symptoms if any? depression, mania..........
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