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Wonderful.Cheese

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Everything posted by Wonderful.Cheese

  1. Thanks gear. I just didn’t really know what to expect. It’s been so long since I started taking it daily instead of a PRN only. I do wonder if I’m starting to feel a very tiny bit improved. Thank you! Very good to know and hear. I didn’t know if I was crazy to think I could be very slightly improving so fast. Not out of the water yet though.
  2. Can a zyprexa increase of 10 mg work fast for reducing manic symptoms? As in starting to help in days even? Or does it take longer to see even a tiny bit of improvement? I was taking 20 mg and now I’m at 30 mg total (15 mg twice daily). This will be my third day of the increase. I think this dose increase is what I needed all along, you guys. I was so bad about taking the PRN consistently. I never took more than one PRN pill a day (25 mg total daily) and I confess I took it like once per week, if that. I kept forgetting or didn’t want to take it. Bad, I know. I’m sorry.
  3. I’m dumb I’m sorry. 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Antecedent

      Antecedent

      you're not dumb you are the cheddar that makes everything better, rain or shine, depressed or manic or in the middle (and I hope the middle comes around again soon!) you are always a ray of sunshine and I'm glad you are here

    3. echolocation

      echolocation

      you're a good cheese, and you're not dumb. i like seeing you here. crazyboards is better because you are here.

    4. jarn

      jarn

      You're not dumb Cheese.  One of the reasons we all like you is because you're so caring and give great advice.

  4. I am going off of lamictal and won’t be on a “true” mood stabilizer (topamax is for weight and eventually maybe adding gabapentin for anxiety?). But I guess my flavor of SZA is more psychosis heavy. I’ve always responded best to AP’s and not mood stabilizers. I don’t even notice my reduction in lamictal. And I have been on lithium and briefly Depakote and never missed those when I got off. Best of luck to you with Depakote. I have heard good things about it with regards to mood stabilizing. I know/knew of people who took/probably still are taking it.
  5. I wish I hadn’t heard the words that lead to the message from the universe telling me that no one likes me. It’s really broken my heart. I just can’t believe it still. I can’t move past it. It hurts me greatly. I am just a burden that no one likes. Nothing can change my mind I don’t think. I heard everything. Ok. Going to bed for real now. The universe is out to destroy me. Why now?
  6. “All the moments of life have been leading up to this point.” I just heard that. It was weird and I’m scared. I have to stay alive for the sake of others. My parents already lost one child. It should have been me instead though, right? But I also feel afraid though that the universe is coming after my life one way or another. Anyway, I better eat a piece of bread or something (just to get something in my body) and head to bed (it’s just about 6 pm). I don’t know what else to do right now. I’m scared.
  7. I’ve heard chatter from afar, a voice somewhere commenting on my actions and movements, a voice somewhere commanding me to do bad things to myself, random words or phrases sent to confuse me all the time, etc. I can never seem to find where this or these voice(s) are coming from. When I’m really bad off I wander the streets talking to the voice(s) trying to find where they are coming from. I usually end up in the ER with a shot of AP at that point with court orders galore. Not fun.
  8. Manic out if my mind. Need something like a sledgehammer to knock me down. It’s gone too far. God juice is overtaken me

    1. aura

      aura

      Worried about you, Cheese! Have you been sleeping?

  9. Thank you wise iceberg!!!!! You are so smart! This now makes a lot more sense to me. I understand the difference now. I didn’t know what the heck tdoc was talking about but now I do! Thank you again!
  10. I told my tdoc about my back neighbor spying on me and taking pics of me and the possibility of cameras installed by said neighbor, and tdoc said that was an irrational thought. I didn’t quite follow. She said something else about how it doesn’t make sense for neighbor to do that and to look at the facts, such as neighbor is probably just mowing her lawn. I looked confused (I was confused because I know neighbor is taking pics of me without my permission), tdoc then said “sorry I don’t want to make you feel more anxious and confused.” So then tdoc said to replace the negative thought
  11. Regardless of how you feel about rexulti, their website is offering a free coloring book for those who enjoy adult coloring books! It comes in PDF format so you can easily download and print. I just printed mine now. I think I’ll take my rexulti then color a bit. Ha! Enjoy guys! https://www.rexulti.com/us/mdd/additional-resources?ceid=emrxbcon00804&utm_medium=html&utm_source=email&utm_content=resources&utm_campaign=reg_6mo_news_tool_in
  12. So what do you all plan to do with the upcoming holidays with COVID still such a huge and dire problem? My husband and his family are very unconcerned regarding how serious COVID is. It’s like they don’t believe it’s literally a dire situation. His family is huge. There will be like 14+ people total for thanksgiving and Christmas. No masks or hand sanitizer. I, of course, will be the outcast if I don’t go.....or if husband doesn’t go because he feels pressured to stay at home with me. So I will probably have to go, against my better judgement. I am afraid because our state is one of
  13. I wish my neighbor would stop taking pictures of me while I workout. If or when she tries to bring them to the police she is the one that will be in trouble. It’s illegal. I didn’t give her permission to do that.
  14. This. I currently fill out a specific depression screening form for my pdoc too before each visit. She has all her patients do one. Well I have trouble concentrating (voices) and sleep a bit too much (meds related) and have low self esteem. But I am NOT depressed. Well the form probably shows mild or even moderate depression. When in fact psychosis is a bigger factor here. It causes the hard to concentrate and the oversleeping (the AAP’s I’m on can be sedating). That scale is good for some but flawed for others! Anyway @CrazyRedhead I agree with everyone. The number scale with no definit
  15. I haven’t eaten yet and.....pretty much 5 pm. I function. Riiiiiight. 

  16. I am up to my eyeballs in distress. I. Can’t. Anymore. Ever. For anyone IRL. They ask too much of me. They Think I’m on disability and have all this free time at home to do as I please. More like sit and suffer and be tortured. I don’t get anything done. Voices are harsh tonight and I can’t focus and I need to redo grocery list and pick up tomorrow twice two different stores and oil change Tuesday and I JUST WANT TO QUIT DRIVING BUT NO ONE LETS ME. I’m not a safe driver I get so distracted and more Also, everyone expects me to do all this shit for them all day. I need rest. I’m disabled
  17. I’ve been manic (pdoc official-ed!). I’ve been taking my PRN zyprexa daily for a while now to combat this. It must be helping because I have the insight that I am fed up with being manic. Anyone else get this feeling or insight during the end period of mania? Everything is so slow in the world. Makes me want to punch holes in the walls. I’m still having some overspending issues. I’ll be broke for a long time paying off credit cards. I’ve made some very impulsive decisions and actions. Etc. This insight has to mean I’m getting less manic, correct? I just hope that I don’t crash t
  18. I’ve been manic (pdoc official-ed!). I’ve been taking my PRN zyprexa daily for a while now to combat this. It must be helping because I have the insight that I am fed up with being manic. Anyone else get this feeling or insight during the end period of mania? Everything is so slow in the world. Makes me want to punch holes in the walls. I’m still having some overspending issues. I’ll be broke for a long time paying off credit cards. I’ve made some very impulsive decisions and actions. Etc. This insight has to mean I’m getting less manic, correct? I just hope that I don’t crash t
  19. Thank you gear for your wisdom. I followed your advice. I decided to wait for the next group meeting which is not next week, but the week after. Hopefully things will be better by then and I will be in a better state of mind and can join the group. I think my tdoc might be disappointed but I will explain to her about: mania. She doesn't get anything besides depression or anxiety. I guess I need to educate her. Time for professor cheese to bring out the textbooks. LOL So true. Thank you dances for your wisdom too. I don't want to start things off on a bad foot. So I did not attend last ni
  20. I fear I have forgotten how to socialize with people. I haven’t done so in a very long time. I have no friends and it’s been ages since my therapy groups at the county clinic were stopped (my only form of socialization). I have no friends. I only have my mom and husband to see. I want to try this local library knitting group (held online for now) but I’m nervous. But also manic enough maybe to try. But also nervous. How do you socialize? Right now I’m thinking of a million excuses not to try the group. I don’t want to get called weird again as happened to me before.
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