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Everything posted by Wonderful.Cheese

  1. Manic out if my mind. Need something like a sledgehammer to knock me down. It’s gone too far. God juice is overtaken me

    1. aura


      Worried about you, Cheese! Have you been sleeping?

  2. Thank you wise iceberg!!!!! You are so smart! This now makes a lot more sense to me. I understand the difference now. I didn’t know what the heck tdoc was talking about but now I do! Thank you again!
  3. I told my tdoc about my back neighbor spying on me and taking pics of me and the possibility of cameras installed by said neighbor, and tdoc said that was an irrational thought. I didn’t quite follow. She said something else about how it doesn’t make sense for neighbor to do that and to look at the facts, such as neighbor is probably just mowing her lawn. I looked confused (I was confused because I know neighbor is taking pics of me without my permission), tdoc then said “sorry I don’t want to make you feel more anxious and confused.” So then tdoc said to replace the negative thought that neighbor was spying on me with a more neutral or positive thought to stay positive. Which kind of made sense. I do want to be more positive. But when I told this to pdoc a few weeks ago she said it was a delusion and part of my SZA. It’s embarrassing to bring up so I had been putting off telling tdoc because of certain privacy details. So just what the heck is an irrational thought then? How does it compare to a delusion? If at all?
  4. Regardless of how you feel about rexulti, their website is offering a free coloring book for those who enjoy adult coloring books! It comes in PDF format so you can easily download and print. I just printed mine now. I think I’ll take my rexulti then color a bit. Ha! Enjoy guys! https://www.rexulti.com/us/mdd/additional-resources?ceid=emrxbcon00804&utm_medium=html&utm_source=email&utm_content=resources&utm_campaign=reg_6mo_news_tool_in
  5. So what do you all plan to do with the upcoming holidays with COVID still such a huge and dire problem? My husband and his family are very unconcerned regarding how serious COVID is. It’s like they don’t believe it’s literally a dire situation. His family is huge. There will be like 14+ people total for thanksgiving and Christmas. No masks or hand sanitizer. I, of course, will be the outcast if I don’t go.....or if husband doesn’t go because he feels pressured to stay at home with me. So I will probably have to go, against my better judgement. I am afraid because our state is one of the worst in the nation for COVID cases. Yes, I want to see my niece open her gifts. But my MIL is a high risk and if she gets COVID it will be bad. And I take sedating meds. Will I have to stop them if it gets hard for me to breathe if I ever got COVID? This just seems like a disaster waiting to happen.
  6. I wish my neighbor would stop taking pictures of me while I workout. If or when she tries to bring them to the police she is the one that will be in trouble. It’s illegal. I didn’t give her permission to do that.
  7. This. I currently fill out a specific depression screening form for my pdoc too before each visit. She has all her patients do one. Well I have trouble concentrating (voices) and sleep a bit too much (meds related) and have low self esteem. But I am NOT depressed. Well the form probably shows mild or even moderate depression. When in fact psychosis is a bigger factor here. It causes the hard to concentrate and the oversleeping (the AAP’s I’m on can be sedating). That scale is good for some but flawed for others! Anyway @CrazyRedhead I agree with everyone. The number scale with no definition of what the numbers signify in meaning, is not good at rating symptom severity. What is the difference between a 9 and an 8 then for depression? Say 8.987653477 for depression next appointment. With a serious look on your face. Wait. Better not do that! Honestly though, as hard as I know it is, probably the best thing to do is to ask for clarification of what the numbers mean. Or if you can rate your depression and other symptoms differently or not rate them but describe what has been happening good and bad or something like that? Just some thoughts. I’m so sorry to hear you are not having an ideal outcome so far with this pdoc. I hope things get better for you.
  8. I haven’t eaten yet and.....pretty much 5 pm. I function. Riiiiiight. 

  9. I am up to my eyeballs in distress. I. Can’t. Anymore. Ever. For anyone IRL. They ask too much of me. They Think I’m on disability and have all this free time at home to do as I please. More like sit and suffer and be tortured. I don’t get anything done. Voices are harsh tonight and I can’t focus and I need to redo grocery list and pick up tomorrow twice two different stores and oil change Tuesday and I JUST WANT TO QUIT DRIVING BUT NO ONE LETS ME. I’m not a safe driver I get so distracted and more Also, everyone expects me to do all this shit for them all day. I need rest. I’m disabled. I can’t anymore. I’ll end up dead. I just want to go to sleep but - things. The yelling. I’m a piece of shit for not doing everything for everyone. It’s so much pressure to be fake for everyone though. I haven’t made my niece 1 hat this year yet. Auntie = fail. I know. I suck. I have “all this free time.....” please someone
  10. I’ve been manic (pdoc official-ed!). I’ve been taking my PRN zyprexa daily for a while now to combat this. It must be helping because I have the insight that I am fed up with being manic. Anyone else get this feeling or insight during the end period of mania? Everything is so slow in the world. Makes me want to punch holes in the walls. I’m still having some overspending issues. I’ll be broke for a long time paying off credit cards. I’ve made some very impulsive decisions and actions. Etc. This insight has to mean I’m getting less manic, correct? I just hope that I don’t crash too hard.
  11. I’ve been manic (pdoc official-ed!). I’ve been taking my PRN zyprexa daily for a while now to combat this. It must be helping because I have the insight that I am fed up with being manic. Anyone else get this feeling or insight during the end period of mania? Everything is so slow in the world. Makes me want to punch holes in the walls. I’m still having some overspending issues. I’ll be broke for a long time paying off credit cards. I’ve made some very impulsive decisions and actions. Etc. This insight has to mean I’m getting less manic, correct? I just hope that I don’t crash too hard.
  12. Thank you gear for your wisdom. I followed your advice. I decided to wait for the next group meeting which is not next week, but the week after. Hopefully things will be better by then and I will be in a better state of mind and can join the group. I think my tdoc might be disappointed but I will explain to her about: mania. She doesn't get anything besides depression or anxiety. I guess I need to educate her. Time for professor cheese to bring out the textbooks. LOL So true. Thank you dances for your wisdom too. I don't want to start things off on a bad foot. So I did not attend last night's knitting group. I was a little bummed but I will see how I'm doing in 2 weeks when the group meets again and reassess and go from there. Thank you again for helping me.
  13. I fear I have forgotten how to socialize with people. I haven’t done so in a very long time. I have no friends and it’s been ages since my therapy groups at the county clinic were stopped (my only form of socialization). I have no friends. I only have my mom and husband to see. I want to try this local library knitting group (held online for now) but I’m nervous. But also manic enough maybe to try. But also nervous. How do you socialize? Right now I’m thinking of a million excuses not to try the group. I don’t want to get called weird again as happened to me before.
  14. @Iceberg Shoot me down if I’m dumb, but you have been trying all your current PRN meds right like the halcion and the Thorazine? Any increase in those as a possibility since you know they do help as a PRN? Have you tried low dose seroquel IR with clozapine for sleep? Or tried zyprexa with clozapine? Were these trials before you tried the clozapine? Saphris put me out like a light but ymmv. Hmmm. I will let you know if I think of anything else. I am sorry if this wasn’t much help.
  15. How do I approach this subject of possible ADD with my pdoc? It’s been brought up in the past but proper testing was never completed so I was never treated for it or diagnosed. I take nuvigil to muddy the picture even more (for sleep disorders, though). And I know stims aren’t good for psychosis or mania either. As a child I got lost in my head. I would climb on my desk and I remember the teacher yelling at me like “what are you doing? Get down and listen!” And I remember watching my friends swing on the swing set only to get distracted and lost and next thing I know all the kids are almost back to the school entrance (recess over) and I’m daydreaming by the swing set still! But it spilled over into my adult life as well. I run around this home of ours like a chicken with no head. I start a million things at once bouncing from here to there all over. I don’t finish anything. (I’m not manic) I have to use a giant planner to get maybe 2 tasks completed.if I’m lucky and can remember to stay on top of looking at my planner throughout the day to focus on what I need to do. I’m so exasperated with my brain! It’s so rotten!
  16. Truth. Thank you so very much. I needed this. Your words are perfect and so very accurate. You are so smart. Thanks again for the help.
  17. You’re right. I get ambitious med change plans too I guess. And you’re right about abilify listing a side effect of tiredness. But generally it doesn’t happen like that in real life, not that I have seen anyway. I never thought of it like that. Thank you. And iceberg, you are anything but an ass. I promise you that. You are lovely. And always good. So don’t worry about that one bit.
  18. Could Caplyta replace all 3 AAP’s I’m currently on? It says main side effect 25% of people had was sedation. That’s great news! Just think, I could be on ONE AAP with a low side effect profile that’s sedating!
  19. Yes I indeed have. It doesn’t work well for me. Nuvigil plays with my brain better. I have no idea why.
  20. I'm sorry you feel the same too. It really sucks. And you are so right. I felt worse when I tried to go off nuvigil too. Ugh.
  21. I'm so sorry you have the same problem. I can't believe your sleep doctor didn't know what sunosi was! I used to do CPAP but it didn't help one bit with anything. My sleep doctor was fine with me stopping it since I was so extremely borderline with having sleep apnea anyway. I agree. I think it's the AP's too. They are sedative. But what do you do, you know? Can't go without them, unfortunately. I guess so. I am hesitant to try anything new though. And I think sunosi will be way too expensive anyway. Even with the copay card (which doesn't even specify much info about how much it actually pays towards your copay.....eeeek). I'm sorry you can relate too. Ugh.
  22. I’m tired all day long. No matter how much caffeine I intake. I think I’m taking too much klonopin with afternoon zyprexa 10 mg dose not helping. Husband got mad when I even suggested lowering my klonopin if pdoc said ok. Can nuvigil poop out? Or is it the afternoon zyprexa 10 mg along with klonopin at afternoon and evening 1 mg each time (3 mg total klonopin daily dose). I am so sick of being tired. I know sunosi is new. But expensive. And most stimulants make me irritable and more psychotic sadly, because I also have suspected ADHD but I never got formally tested. So I could really benefit from a real stimulant. Do I call my sleep dr? I feel nothing can be done. I guess I will sleep my life away.
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