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Posts posted by Wonderful.Cheese

  1. 10 hours ago, Iceberg said:

    I think delusions are irrational but not all irrational thoughts are delusions. CBT aims to address irrational thoughts and replace them, but these thoughts aren’t necessarily part of a delusional pattern. For example, a student makes one mistake on a test and immediately jumps to the conclusion that they are a terrible student, even though One mistake does not necessarily support this conclusion. This is typically referred to as a “cognitive distortion.” A delusion is prevailing, illogical thought. While the conclusion that you are a bad student may be baseless, a delusion is much more removed from reality, ex “I got this test wrong because the university is conspiring to make me fail.” ... something that is beyond the scope of a “normal” person (normal in quotes because we all know how useless that term can be) 

    Thank you wise iceberg!!!!! You are so smart! This now makes a lot more sense to me. I understand the difference now. I didn’t know what the heck tdoc was talking about but now I do! Thank you again!

  2. I told my tdoc about my back neighbor spying on me and taking pics of me and the possibility of cameras installed by said neighbor, and tdoc said that was an irrational thought. I didn’t quite follow.

    She said something else about how it doesn’t make sense for neighbor to do that and to look at the facts, such as neighbor is probably just mowing her lawn. I looked confused (I was confused because I know neighbor is taking pics of me without my permission), tdoc then said “sorry I don’t want to make you feel more anxious and confused.”

    So then tdoc said to replace the negative thought that neighbor was spying on me with a more neutral or positive thought to stay positive. Which kind of made sense. I do want to be more positive.

    But when I told this to pdoc a few weeks ago she said it was a delusion and part of my SZA. It’s embarrassing to bring up so I had been putting off telling tdoc because of certain privacy details. So just what the heck is an irrational thought then? How does it compare to a delusion? If at all?

  3. Regardless of how you feel about rexulti, their website is offering a free coloring book for those who enjoy adult coloring books! It comes in PDF format so you can easily download and print. I just printed mine now. I think I’ll take my rexulti then color a bit. Ha!

    Enjoy guys!



  4. So what do you all plan to do with the upcoming holidays with COVID still such a huge and dire problem?

    My husband and his family are very unconcerned regarding how serious COVID is. It’s like they don’t believe it’s literally a dire situation.

    His family is huge. There will be like 14+ people total for thanksgiving and Christmas. No masks or hand sanitizer. I, of course, will be the outcast if I don’t go.....or if husband doesn’t go because he feels pressured to stay at home with me. So I will probably have to go, against my better judgement. I am afraid because our state is one of the worst in the nation for COVID cases.

    Yes, I want to see my niece open her gifts. But my MIL is a high risk and if she gets COVID it will be bad. And I take sedating meds. Will I have to stop them if it gets hard for me to breathe if I ever got COVID? This just seems like a disaster waiting to happen. 

  5. 1 hour ago, CeremonyNewOrder said:

    I have to fill out a questionnaire before all my appointments but it's frustrating because it's geared towards being all about depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. There is nothing about mania, psychosis, or OCD. Thus, my numbers may look "good" because I'm not as depressed as having other issues. 

    This. I currently fill out a specific depression screening form for my pdoc too before each visit. She has all her patients do one. Well I have trouble concentrating (voices) and sleep a bit too much (meds related) and have low self esteem. But I am NOT depressed. Well the form probably shows mild or even moderate depression. When in fact psychosis is a bigger factor here. It causes the hard to concentrate and the oversleeping (the AAP’s I’m on can be sedating). That scale is good for some but flawed for others! 

    Anyway @CrazyRedhead I agree with everyone. The number scale with no definition of what the numbers signify in meaning, is not good at rating symptom severity. What is the difference between a 9 and an 8 then for depression? Say 8.987653477 for depression next appointment. With a serious look on your face. Wait. Better not do that!

    Honestly though, as hard as I know it is, probably the best thing to do is to ask for clarification of what the numbers mean. Or if you can rate your depression and other symptoms differently or not rate them but describe what has been happening good and bad or something like that?

    Just some thoughts. I’m so sorry to hear you are not having an ideal outcome so far with this pdoc. I hope things get better for you. 

  6. I am up to my eyeballs in distress. I. Can’t. Anymore. Ever. For anyone IRL. They ask too much of me. They Think I’m on disability and have all this free time at home to do as I please. More like sit and suffer and be tortured. I don’t get anything done. Voices are harsh tonight and I can’t focus and I need to redo grocery list and pick up tomorrow twice two different stores and oil change Tuesday and I JUST WANT TO QUIT DRIVING BUT NO ONE LETS ME. I’m not a safe driver I get so distracted and more  

    Also, everyone expects me to do all this shit for them all day. I need rest. I’m disabled. I can’t anymore. I’ll end up dead. 

    I just want to go to sleep but - things. The yelling. I’m a piece of shit for not doing everything for everyone. It’s so much pressure to be fake for everyone though. I haven’t made my niece 1 hat this year yet. Auntie = fail. I know. I suck. I have “all this free time.....” please someone 

  7. I’ve been manic (pdoc official-ed!). I’ve been taking my PRN zyprexa daily for a while now to combat this.

    It must be helping because I have the insight that I am fed up with being manic. Anyone else get this feeling or insight during the end period of mania?

    Everything is so slow in the world. Makes me want to punch holes in the walls. I’m still having some overspending issues. I’ll be broke for a long time paying off credit cards. I’ve made some very impulsive decisions and actions. Etc.

    This insight has to mean I’m getting less manic, correct? I just hope that I don’t crash too hard.

  8. I’ve been manic (pdoc official-ed!). I’ve been taking my PRN zyprexa daily for a while now to combat this.

    It must be helping because I have the insight that I am fed up with being manic. Anyone else get this feeling or insight during the end period of mania?

    Everything is so slow in the world. Makes me want to punch holes in the walls. I’m still having some overspending issues. I’ll be broke for a long time paying off credit cards. I’ve made some very impulsive decisions and actions. Etc.

    This insight has to mean I’m getting less manic, correct? I just hope that I don’t crash too hard.

  9. 15 hours ago, Gearhead said:

    Being “manic enough” to try socializing sounds appealing on the surface, but in truth is not a good time to start trying to make friends. You’re a lovely person, Chee. Get your mania under control first so that people can meet the real you.

    Thank you gear for your wisdom. I followed your advice. I decided to wait for the next group meeting which is not next week, but the week after. Hopefully things will be better by then and I will be in a better state of mind and can join the group. I think my tdoc might be disappointed but I will explain to her about: mania. She doesn't get anything besides depression or anxiety. I guess I need to educate her. Time for professor cheese to bring out the textbooks. LOL

    15 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

    I second gearhead.  I get why it seems like it might help, but really it's just likely to start things off on a bad foot. 

    So true. Thank you dances for your wisdom too. I don't want to start things off on a bad foot. So I did not attend last night's knitting group. I was a little bummed but I will see how I'm doing in 2 weeks when the group meets again and reassess and go from there. Thank you again for helping me.

  10. I fear I have forgotten how to socialize with people. I haven’t done so in a very long time. I have no friends and it’s been ages since my therapy groups at the county clinic were stopped (my only form of socialization). I have no friends. I only have my mom and husband to see.

    I want to try this local library knitting group (held online for now) but I’m nervous. But also manic enough maybe to try. But also nervous.

    How do you socialize? Right now I’m thinking of a million excuses not to try the group. I don’t want to get called weird again as happened to me before.

  11. @Iceberg

    Shoot me down if I’m dumb, but you have been trying all your current PRN meds right like the halcion and the Thorazine? Any increase in those as a possibility since you know they do help as a PRN?

    Have you tried low dose seroquel IR with clozapine for sleep? Or tried zyprexa with clozapine? Were these trials before you tried the clozapine?

    Saphris put me out like a light but ymmv.

    Hmmm. I will let you know if I think of anything else. I am sorry if this wasn’t much help. 

  12. How do I approach this subject of possible ADD with my pdoc? It’s been brought up in the past but proper testing was never completed so I was never treated for it or diagnosed. I take nuvigil to muddy the picture even more (for sleep disorders, though). And I know stims aren’t good for psychosis or mania either.

    As a child I got lost in my head. I would climb on my desk and I remember the teacher yelling at me like “what are you doing? Get down and listen!” And I remember watching my friends swing on the swing set only to get distracted and lost and next thing I know all the kids are almost back to the school entrance (recess over) and I’m daydreaming by the swing set still!

    But it spilled over into my adult life as well. I run around this home of ours like a chicken with no head. I start a million things at once bouncing from here to there all over. I don’t finish anything. (I’m not manic) I have to use a giant planner to get maybe 2 tasks completed.if I’m lucky and can remember to stay on top of looking at my planner throughout the day to focus on what I need to do. I’m so exasperated with my brain! It’s so rotten!

  13. On 10/9/2020 at 1:49 PM, Iceberg said:

    have always felt that the hardest thing that people with "treatment resistant" MI is summoning the strength to acknowledge when you reach the point of "these meds really suck, but right now I know that this is the most symptom control I've had so I need to work with it."

    Truth. Thank you so very much. I needed this. Your words are perfect and so very accurate. You are so smart. Thanks again for the help. 

  14. 15 hours ago, Iceberg said:

    Also- just because sedation is a side effect doesn’t make it a sedating med. Vraylar, Rexulti and abilify all list somnolence, sedation or fatigue as an adverse effect but none are used primarily for sedation. After all of me being a killjoy- I totally understand where you’re coming from here. I too was once on three antipsychotics, it sucked. I don’t remember good chunks of that time cuz I was either sleeping or stoned. My doc, despite being private pay and seeing me however often necessary, refused to consolidate and it drove me mad. Then he had the nerve to tell me that “I” relied too much on medicine. - well how about don’t put me on 6 of them and I’d be happy to rely less on meds! Even back when I was in high school my parents and docs often had to shoot down my ambitions med change plans. So yeah, all I can say is I’m sorry 

    You’re right. I get ambitious med change plans too I guess. And you’re right about abilify listing a side effect of tiredness. But generally it doesn’t happen like that in real life, not that I have seen anyway. I never thought of it like that. Thank you.

    And iceberg, you are anything but an ass. I promise you that. You are lovely. And always good. So don’t worry about that one bit.


  15. 4 hours ago, Blahblah said:

    Same here @Wonderful.Cheese I'm not even on any sedating meds or A/Ps. I've literally done so many blood tests and they don't find anything abnormal.

    Stimulants were helping but yep, you just build a tolerance and then I end up worse if I try to go off. Stupid meds. I think I'm just sick & tired of life.

    I'm sorry you feel the same too. It really sucks.

    And you are so right. I felt worse when I tried to go off nuvigil too. Ugh.

  16. 9 hours ago, CeremonyNewOrder said:

    I have your problem too. Stimulants work but then I build up a tolerance and my new pdoc is taking me off them anyways. I too am interest in sunosi but my sleep doctor didn't even know what it was when I brought it up :( I assume you do CPAP. If not that might be something to look in. I do CPAP and I know its helping my health but it doesn't make me wakeful. I think its the APs. They are just so sedative. 

    I'm so sorry you have the same problem. I can't believe your sleep doctor didn't know what sunosi was! I used to do CPAP but it didn't help one bit with anything. My sleep doctor was fine with me stopping it since I was so extremely borderline with having sleep apnea anyway. 

    I agree. I think it's the AP's too. They are sedative. But what do you do, you know? Can't go without them, unfortunately.

    8 hours ago, Iceberg said:

    Doesn’t hurt to call though right? I understand this. I have lost many a day to a mistimed or skipped adderall dose 

    I guess so. I am hesitant to try anything new though. And I think sunosi will be way too expensive anyway. Even with the copay card (which doesn't even specify much info about how much it actually pays towards your copay.....eeeek). I'm sorry you can relate too. Ugh.

  17. I’m tired all day long. No matter how much caffeine I intake. 

    I think I’m taking too much klonopin with afternoon zyprexa 10 mg dose not helping.

    Husband got mad when I even suggested lowering my klonopin if pdoc said ok.

    Can nuvigil poop out? Or is it the afternoon zyprexa 10 mg along with klonopin at afternoon and evening 1 mg each time (3 mg total klonopin daily dose).

    I am so sick of being tired. I know sunosi is new. But expensive. And most stimulants make me irritable and more psychotic sadly, because I also have suspected ADHD but I never got formally tested. So I could really benefit from a real stimulant.

    Do I call my sleep dr? I feel nothing can be done. I guess I will sleep my life away. 

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  18. @Banana Smurf

    I don’t know either. When I hear voices that aren’t mine and thoughts that aren’t mine placed in and all inside my head completely, I and past pdoc’s have considered that to be my own internal junk. Those pdocs have always asked me if I hear the voices inside or outside of my head, so it must matter? I guess.

    I hear voices that aren’t my head voice and not inside my head too that originate outside somewhere. Sometimes I go looking for the origin but I never seem to find the source. Mostly the sounds or voices revolve around my deepest fears but some have been bizarre. Like hearing my husband being sick for instance (which is an immense source of stress and fear for me), or just horrible and bizarrely like babies being murdered (that was awful.....husband had to come home and calm me down). Or sometimes just annoying chatter in the background that won’t stop and drives me batty.

    The zyprexa I’m on now along with 2 other AAP’s, has helped moderately with the voices. Messages from the universe are still a regular occurrence but have been less frequent I guess too. I guess I’ll always deal with this stupid illness (SZA) but I’ve come so far from being institutionalized so many times for so long for such a huge chunk of my life. 

  19. 3 minutes ago, jarn said:

    Thanks @Iceberg.  That makes sense.

    @dancesintherain yeah, I'm worried he'll put me on clozapine.  Though, as I am working from home for the foreseeable future, now's the time to do it!  I talked to him about going on a more weight-neutral AP, and he was open to it.  But I don't know if I'm just not trying hard enough to eat right.  

    What weight neutral AP are you wanting to be on jarn? I’m on my phone so I can’t see what you’ve tried. Sorry. 

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