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Wonderful.Cheese

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Status Updates posted by Wonderful.Cheese

  1. I see tdoc tomorrow and I have to confront her about this GAD primary DX issue. I’m nervous but it has to be done. I’m worried I won’t stand up for myself enough. I might have to find a new tdoc if she insists on her idea. Yuck.

    1. argh

      argh

      how'd that chat go?

    2. Wonderful.Cheese

      Wonderful.Cheese

      Oh sorry!  @argh Just saw your comment now! It went ok. She said she wasn’t changing my DX and it will remain the. Same as what the clinic has it as, so it’s SZA BP type and GAD secondary. I don’t know hey my insurance says reason for visit “GAD”. So odd 

  2. Super nervous for my pdoc appointment. Thinking of bringing my husband with. Bad idea? I’m so anxious. 

    1. shesellsseashells

      shesellsseashells

      I think bringing your husband is a good idea. I hope all goes well.

  3. I swear the Bluetooth speaker on our counter has a camera and audio recording device inside of it. It came from a certain store that I do not trust. I’ve told husband this before and he just unplugged it. I don’t even have privacy in my own home! I just want to trash it! 

    1. coraline

      coraline

      I sometimes think my phone is listening to me..

      It will suddenly come on and have on the screen saying ok Google is listening..if I have it near me..

      It freaks me out..so I keep it in the other room..

      I can relate to to what you're going through..

      The fear..

      I try to convince myself that my head is messing with me..

      Or try to figure out a way to make me feel safer..

      Like how you are unplugging your device..

      I know how hard it is to convince ourselves that it is a malfunction in our thinking..

      But I do believe that's what it is..

      But do whatever that makes you feel better..

    2. echolocation

      echolocation

      is there a place in the house you could put it where it can't bother you? do you have a basement or an attic, or a closet nobody goes into much? 

      i hope you feel better when you wake up. nobody should have to feel unsafe in their own home.

    3. Geek

      Geek

      Could you put something over top of it? Like a big mixing bowl?

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  4. Again: shower badly needed. 

    Again: poor time management.

    1. confused

      confused

      I have been there often.  Just do what you can.  You can take a shower when you have time.

    2. Geek

      Geek

      ❤️.

  5. I need a shower. It’s been nearly a week. 

    1. echolocation

      echolocation

      i've been showering once/twice a week for quite a while now... it's sort of embarrassing how bad i am at showering even when i'm stable!

    2. CrazyRedhead

      CrazyRedhead

      @Wonderful.Cheeseand @echolocation, Here's an interesting fact about bathing/showering:  Medical science says you really only need 1-2 showers a week, unless you have a job where you get dirty, or you work out/exercise a lot:

      https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/324682.php

      Even though it seems to be the social norm these days to take a shower daily, most people don't need to, and it may even be harming our health....Taking a shower every day washes off all the beneficial bacteria on your skin, and all the natural oils on your skin.

  6. I want to catch up more with you guys and update but...running late again as usual! Maybe later I hope!

  7. By golly, I’m going to go to the gym alone today (a major feat for me). Nervous though. 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. mikl_pls

      mikl_pls

      Yay! Congrats cheese! I haven't been to the gym in over a year and now I have fatty liver. Ugh! I need to get to the gym and get my ass back on that diet.

    3. Wonderful.Cheese
    4. echolocation

      echolocation

      that's fantastic, cheese!! i'm really proud of you!

    5. Show next comments  3 more
  8. My WBC is back to normal because I’m practically off the clozapine! Good news! I don’t need to see a specialist! Yay!

    1. aura

      aura

      What a relief!

    2. jt07

      jt07

      That's great news, Cheese!

    3. echolocation

      echolocation

      excellent! i'm so glad to hear that coming off of it is already starting to benefit in some ways. :) 

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  9. Anxious about the extra lab test today because my WBC has been consistently high. I hope it is nothing serious and will go away once clozapine is gone. 

  10. I need a shower. I think it’s been a week. Ok. Here goes nothing. I’m going to go just do it now. Ugh I don’t want to though. 

    1. Wonderful.Cheese

      Wonderful.Cheese

      Hey! I did it! I showered! The dark deed is done! And my hair is even long enough now to put it in a ponytail! So I don't have to fuss with it even!

  11. I  know who is stalking me online. I hope she can find some inner peace instead of just lashing out at people who have “wronged” her long ago. 

    As for me, I’ve come too far and I don’t let people walk all over me anymore or take advantage of me anymore. I’ve gotten stronger. I hope for her sake that she can grow stronger too.

    1. coraline

      coraline

      I hope you're not getting stalked..

      It's a scary thought if you are and I hope it's not true..

    2. coraline

      coraline

      @Mousse 

      Cheese has worried and believed someone was stalking her for as long as I have known cheese..

      I think it's dismissive to say that someone that believes something to be true..

      Is doing something to get a rise out of people..

      We are here to support each other..not fight or belittle each others beliefs..

    3. Geek

      Geek

      You have been concerned about being stalked for a long time. Whether it's actually happening or not, I don't/can't know and it really doesn't matter. The fear and anxiety you have is real and I am so glad you're feeling safer and stronger!

  12. How do you go IP when you need it, but it’s been 3 years and you’re too weak and terrified to go there alone? 

    1. Butterflykisses

      Butterflykisses

      I stop thinking about it, get in the car, and drive there. Sometimes you just have to stop *thinking* and just do it...and it has saved my life multiple times..

    2. Unstrung Harp

      Unstrung Harp

      Cheese, sometimes you know and your care team doesn't see it. If you're in danger, go to the hospital. You're entitled to advocate for yourself.

  13. I’m in so much pain. I don’t know if I can wait a week like this for nurse to talk to pdoc who probably won’t do anything anyway. The sensor in my brain says I’ll be gone soon. I’m sorry I’m a “complex case” and don’t deserve help. 

    1. coraline

      coraline

      You have nothing to be sorry about..being called that was ridiculous..you do deserve help..I wish you weren't in so much pain right now..your pdoc can't force you to stay on a med that's not working..please advocate for yourself when you do talk to her..I hate seeing you like this..if you can't hold on then ip as scary as it is may be your best bet..do it for yourself..

  14. $160 a month total cost for clozapine right now with insurance. The labs and cost of the pills are awful. I don’t think I can justify staying on something that doesn’t even seem to be helping that much. 

  15. I see tdoc today. My mom is taking me because of the bad weather and slippery roads. Thanks goodness. I need to see someone on my team.

  16. I don’t want to be anymore, but I cannot disappoint others anymore than I already have

    1. Geek

      Geek

      I’m sorry you’re feeling so badly. It’s awful to feel like that. 

      I can’t speak for others but you don’t disappoint me. ❤️

    2. Wonderful.Cheese

      Wonderful.Cheese

      Thanks my dear geek. You always know just what to say. ❤️

  17. My pdoc cancelled on me last minute today. 

    1. Wonderful.Cheese

      Wonderful.Cheese

      Thanks guys. I got in about a week and a half later. So not horrible but also not ideal when doing a big med change. Hmm

    2. mmaryland

      mmaryland

      Would your psychiatrist at least talk to you on the phone briefly, just to see how the meds are working/not working and if minor adjustments in med dosages are necessary. At the end of the day. you know yourself better than anybody. I would suggest staying on the dosage and not do anything "big" with your cocktail. Too often in mental health treatment you have to step up and be your own psychiatrist. do your own thorough research, and pay attention/note any changes in behavior/thinking/mood etc. I think you got this!!

    3. Geek

      Geek

      I'm so sorry Cheese :(

    4. Show next comments  3 more
  18. I don't know if I can do this! I have to leave for my pdoc appointment in 10 mins. Plus the roads are snow covered. I'm panicked. 

  19. What do I say even? I’m nervous. I don’t want to see case manager. I’m so tempted to skip. 

    1. deeschmee

      deeschmee

      It's okay to feel nervous. It's just a feeling.

      I think you should go ❤

    2. Wonderful.Cheese

      Wonderful.Cheese

      Thanks. I Did end up going! :)

       

  20. Pdoc wants my anti drooling med to be in my weekly med box. So I had to drop that off to the clinic today. I guess she doesn’t trust me with a lot of meds right now. 

  21. Thank goodness for anti drooling meds (specifically glycopyrrolate!)! It has cut down the drooling so much! I can sleep at night!

    1. looking for answers

      looking for answers

      thats great! u were worried about it@!

    2. echolocation

      echolocation

      i'm so glad to hear that! it was getting quite bad there.

  22. Woke up coughing like heck again. It was hard to breathe. But pdoc doesn’t want to start any med for the drooling and choking yet! Ridiculous I say. She must want me dead. 

    1. mikl_pls

      mikl_pls

      I say call back immediately and ask for the glycopyrrolate (Robinul)... lol. She did say, afterall, to call back in between appointments if it gets worse. She didn't express exactly when in between...

  23. Very nervous. Panicky. About to to go the rehearsal dinner for the wedding.

  24. About to take my first dose of clozapine now. Bad idea to take it when I’ll be alone in the house for hours?

  25. Trying bright and. White lollipops!

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