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liam0909

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  1. After a year and a half of a buttload of antidepressants and mood stabilizers, I got a new counselor cuz my old one really didn't know me well, and after a couple sessions we determined the original problem was most likely triggered by a real-life event that I had been storing in the back of my mind. Mild PTSD in a sense. (I feel guilty calling it that sometimes cuz it was just a school thing, no death or anything.. but she seems to think it affected me enough to call it that) So if that's true, I never really needed any of those meds. And, right after we determined that, I was read, symptom-by-symptom, the description of type 2 ADHD, and it was spot on in every area. And I guess it can cause bipolar and depressive symptoms when the disorder becomes too stressful, which contributed to the bad memory, and it is very possible for a "comorbidity" between ADHD and other things, like mood swings, depression, and anxiety; however, we went over some of my major mood swings in the past, and these almost all seemed to be situational as well. Either way: We've determined the main problem was the ADHD. I'm on 10mg of Focalin 2x a day (immediate release, the XR made me crazy upset at the end of the day) and I am functioning much better... In the sense that I am uppity, social, and motivated. However, I am still on 100mg of Lamotrigine/Lamictal and as I've been off and on it for quite some time now (and never was off long enough for me to adjust) I've gotten used to feeling a little dull. In a sense. I couldn't tell it was the Lamictal that was doing it because we were switching through so many medications at once, but we always kept the Lamictal because it was "the only good one". But I've felt like this for so long, and now that I have some of my spunk back, it's like the other half is still missing. Basically, I can do schoolwork and retain it, sing, play music; enjoy movies, music, and TV shows; be naturally positive and social. The downside still present? My sense of humor is still gone. I can't pull a bunch of funny stuff out of my butt anymore and have my friends say, "Where do you even come up with this stuff?!" When someone asks me "How are ya?" all I can think of to say is "Good." There's no other ways to respond in my head. I can't have deep or funny conversations with people, and I've been mispronouncing words and forgetting words I want to use to finish a sentence. A lot of my vocabulary seems to have died, reading books is really hard, remembering song lyrics is hard. And it just feels perpetually now. Everything feels like it happened a week ago, and my past feels jumbled and non-chronological. I don't really hold interest in anything or get excited anymore, either. So someone please tell me this isn't in my head? Everyone I talk to (minus my counselor, who I haven't spoken to yet) just say stuff like "Well maybe you're just tired" or "We all get like that sometimes" UH NO, this is completely different. I feel like part of my brain took a vacation.
  2. Thank you all!~ It's nice to have someone to relate. This is kind of irritating to handle right now, but it's nothing severe I suppose. I'll wait it out for a couple of weeks at least, when my somewhat-recent change in meds will have most likely kicked into affect, and then see if anything's changed and what I want to do. I don't want to give up on either one yet, as a vast number of people seem to have great things to say about both of them.
  3. A lot of people always tell me to listen to music when I'm depressed or having a depressive episode. The problem I have is that I don't feel anything when I'm depressed and listening to music. It either reminds me of a good memory in the past (making me more upset) or doesn't remind me of anything (making me feel nothing at all). When I'm "hypomanic", or even just happy, I can get chills, tap my foot or bob my head to the music, or close my eyes and let it flow through me. During depression though, I just kind of sit there and get bored. I just don't feel like, when it comes to depression, music is as therapeutic as everyone says it is. It's so ineffective, in fact, that it's usually a good detector of whether I'm having a depressive episode or just feeling plain old upset. That's just me though. Does music help when you're depressed or no? If so, what types of music do you find to be especially helpful?
  4. Abilify didn't work, so right now I'm on 900mg Lithium and 100mg Lamictal, and as the days pass... I notice that I don't really have any ideas. When I woke up this morning, I felt refreshed as sleep always does help, but then I didn't know what to do with myself. I just thought of the two only possible options in my head: Eat and watch TV. There wasn't a single idea of another way to occupy myself in my head. Whenever I'm in conversation lately, I don't come up with anything funny, I just reiterate old inside jokes and try to play off what my friends are coming up with in order to (somewhat) be part of the conversation at all. It seems forever since I've made a joke. It's also really hard for me to write stories or songs, and I just feel really uncreative - as if something's blocking all my ideas from forming. Lastly, I've been really self-absorbed lately as a result of not having much else to think about and that always sucks for me and everyone around me. My self-confidence is beginning to go down the toilet again, and I plan to see my psychiatrist about it. However (and this seems to happen quite a lot with me): I only began to notice these problems immediately after the appointment that I just had. In this case, I told her I hadn't noticed anything wrong and things were going just fine, so my next appointment isn't for another 3 weeks or so. I don't wanna make her mad by coming back so soon or my mom mad for making her drive all the way out there again, so I'm not gonna say anything for now. I was wondering as a sort of temporary relief, though, if these are common symptoms for either of these drugs? If so which one is more likely causing it? I just want to know it's not all in my head I guess. lol.
  5. Alright. I hear ya both out, I actually got some sleep and I went back up to about a 5 (out of 10) mood-wise. I didn't realize there was a pretty rough titration involved. I'll stick it through for the next 4 weeks, until I see my pdoc, and until I've at least been on the 100mg for a while. Thanks!
  6. Hi again. Thanks for all the replies, guys. hmariewv, I hope you don't keep feeling like this!! I'm going to keep trying to find a medication that works for me and I hope you can too! I definitely believe you though. The problems with the creativity seem to be more of a negative self-image and less of reality for me - I just got a 100 on an Advanced Composition essay.. Either way, I hope things work out for you! dennindetroit, I am trying to titrate until I can get to a "target dose" which I read about somewhere. It doesn't seem to be working yet, but I hope that in time the Lamictal will have a better effect on me. Thanks for the positive input, it helps I didn't want to come back to this post until I noticed significant results, but unfortunately, something weird has happened to me. I was managing OK on the Lamictal 25mg in the morning (I am still on 4mg of Abilify [2mg morning, 2mg at night] and then I went up to 50mg after 2 weeks. I had a slight mood bump, but things were ok. When I told my psychiatrist a week later how tired I was feeling, she suggested I take the Lamictal at night instead of in the morning. She told me to take an additional 25mg tonight, none tomorrow morning, then 50mg that night. I had a really weird irritable mood the next day, it was awful, but it went away the following day right as I was going to bed. Then, the day after, I was in a near-perfect mood the whole day. I didn't know where it came from. Then the following day I started feeling..suddenly, depressed. Not irritable, but more like that "why bother?" feeling, permeating and just refusing to leave my head. That night, I started feeling so spacey and tired I could barely function. I was slurring my speech, unable to come up with words to speak, and so dizzy I had to hold on to things to keep my balance. My thought process whenever I wanted to do something was just, "what? why are you doing this?". I stood in front of the faucet while I was brushing my teeth for about a minute wondering why I left the water running, but flooded with thoughts as well of "why should you even turn it off?" and then, like I was watching a movie, noticed that I was turning the water off but wasn't actually trying to. I was laughing giddily as well, but inside I was really concerned and upset. I had never been that spaced out in my life. Eventually, the spaciness stopped that same night (yesterday), but I have been depressed ever since. I feel like I've cycled into one of my "down" moods, contemplating why I should do anything other than eat, except I don't feel suicidal. It feels like I went temporarily nuts and now I can't be even somewhat happy or motivated. I tried exercising for a good hour earlier and it just made me feel worse. Is there anything to stop this?!
  7. Okay, I was on Lamictal 25 mg for 2 weeks, then 50mg for 2 weeks. (I was on the 2.5mg Abilify this entire time as well.) At the end of the 50mg stretch is when I started feeling inadequate, having a breakdown here or there, etc. So I assumed it was the Lamictal's fault. I admit I was getting it in my head that one drug was right and one was wrong - simply for that reason that hypomanic moods can be so enjoyable and I guess I subconsciously craved one like I originally got on the low dose of Abilify. I was still feeling depressed on only 25mg Lamictal & the 2.5mg Abilify, though, so my thinking was irrational, I guess. After that, I was on 100mg for 9 days before I basically demanded that I be taken off the Lamictal. I feel pretty dumb about it now Especially considering how depressed I am now on just the Abilify. So my psychiatrist agreed to let me begin the 25mg Lamictal again as of a week ago (with the Abilify, just to prevent any "down" moods while I wait to increase to 100mg).. Which means in a week I'll go up to 50mg, and then 2 weeks after that I'll go to 100mg. And then after those 2 weeks I can be taken off the Abilify and see how I feel. That day seems so far away and I just wish I could stop taking the Abilify now But I've been patient before, I guess I can be patient again now. And you're right about hypomanic episodes being seductively enjoyable! From what I understand they cause have some agitation or super-mania in others, like those with Bipolar 1, but for me they're just like pure happiness and creativity and it kind of sucks that I'll never be able to experience them anymore !
  8. Hi! Can someone please give me their opinion on my situation? Originally I was put on 2mg of Abilify for my Bipolar 2 and I felt perfect - From the second I woke up my personality was in full throttle, I felt witty, energized, able to get stuff done, and overall just really happy. If anything went wrong to put me off during the day, sleep always cured it and I would wake up feeling good as new. Due to the positive reaction, I was put on Lamictal along with the Abilify because of how similar it was and that it would have a better effect on me with less of the risks that the Abilify has (I would eventually get taken off the Abilify). However, every increase in the dosage of the Lamictal led to me being really spacey, less and less confident in myself, feeling like and being less of a person (I felt like a zombie, almost no personality whatsoever, struggling to think of something to say when anyone talked to me), and becoming less creative. I had motivation at times, but it felt robotic, like I didn't really want to do it but I was doing it anyway. I'm normally very confident and I think people like being around me (during my elevated moods, anyway) so it felt really awful. I had to practically beg my mother (I'm still in high school) to convince my psychiatrist that it wasn't doing me any good, as neither seemed to believe that it was causing me any trouble. So I got taken off the Lamictal and have been waiting for the side effects to go away. I was increased to 5 mg of Abilify, but that high of a dose seemed to knock me out, so now I'm taking 2mg morning, 2mg at night, which seems to keep me stable. Those side effects of the Lamictal I described, though, still haven't gone away. I still feel awful and my self-confidence is at about a -10. It's been 10 days since I've last taken it and apparently the drug's supposed to be out of my system within 6-8 but I still don't feel "better" yet. Could I be permanently messed up because of the Lamictal or could things change soon? I just miss that motivated, effortless euphoria I felt when I originally was on the Abilify, before I ever got put on the Lamictal.. I'm craving it!
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