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brokenchina

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About brokenchina

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  1. I started driving in July, I actually enjoy it.
  2. Where'd this year go?

    1. melissaw72

      melissaw72

      My thoughts exactly!

  3. Mostly no. I'd prefer to not have to deal with it, and it does affect me quite negatively in general. I've been trying to work through it. One positive thing of sorts though is that I have been able to relate to more people though through my experiences with mental illness, including people close to me who also have mental illness that I might not relate to as well otherwise, and that's something that's good. That's not necessarily thoroughly "positive" though, because I'd also really prefer that said people didn't suffer from/have mental illnesses themselves.
  4. Yeah, quite often actually... just not as much these days since I'm not in school. I'd have periods where I couldn't physically speak for an hour, two hours. It seemed like it only got worse the more someone tried to get me to respond to them (and my at-the-moment inability to do so was seen as defiance...) It's also hard in general to rely on my hearing what someone says. I don't feel as comfortable with just hearing and processing; I prefer reading things or having some other visual thing.
  5. Does anyone here have this diagnosis? For an explanation, I haven't ever been diagnosed (my sleep problems have all just been labeled as "insomnia" since I was 10) but recently (and with too much free time during the day on my hands) I've been trying to see how I can get good sleep without being constantly exhausted during the day and waking up at least 2 or 3 times every night... still under the assumption that I was always just doomed to have crappy sleep forever, a little under two weeks ago I started going to bed when I was tired after taking my medicine—usually between 3:30-5am—and waking about 10 hours later, without more than 2 awakenings. I haven't experienced inappropriate daytime fatigue since. And my moods are consistently stable as well. Without any sleeping medications, I am not sleepy until about 7am or 8am the morning after the night I was supposed to sleep. But I can't go on like this forever obviously. The way I naturally rest. There will eventually need to be a time when I need to be somewhere in the morning. My current treatment (medications) leave me feeling in an exhausted limbo of sorts if I force myself to go to bed at a "normal" time. My moods also are bad when I make myself go to bed, probably because when I force it I get shitty sleep. If anyone has this diagnosis, how did you go about getting evaluated? From what I read, DSPD doesn't seem very well-known...? I've never been evaluated for sleep disorders, despite the fact that sleep is probably one of my biggest problems.
  6. i'm on a phone at the moment so apologies about any errors or anything i make i've been feeling down on and off this summer in general. and also quite irritable. but within the past week and a half or so i've stayed down while still being irritable and having racing thoughts. first "suicidal thoughts" came on i think sunday morning; well it was the first time in awhile that it really came into my head. i journaled a bit and cried some then felt a bit better, but ended up taking a 6hr nap and crying again in the late afternoon. went out and walked around a pretty area so i felt ok the rest of that day monday came along and i felt "good." a bit too good, and definitely too good in comparison to the day before. mostly race/hyperactive. went and saw my pdoc but since i was feeling "fine" that day he didn't seem as concerned. still concerned but probably not as concerned if the appontment had been done the day earlier. though he did ask if i felt like i needed to be in the hospital (not sure how serious e was) today i honestly don't know what the actual fuck i'm feeling. anxious, racing thoughts, irritable, and also tired and slow and kind of sad. right now i'm not sure if i want to scream and hit something or cry or what i'm only really posting this because my pdoc doesn't like changing medications with me often... i'm abnormally sensitive to some med changes physically and mentally. but not with all of them, and hedoesn't want to risk anything but this isn't healthy either. and i don't see it really just "going away" because the meds i'm currently on haven't done shit about it in a week and a half. usually these sorts of things don't last so long with me now the only real way it seems any drastic med changes can safely take place is in tge hospital. but at the moment i don't necessarily feel that "bad" yet don't want this to get any worse. any advice? iys also worth adding that i've been home alone a majority of the day lately and that fucks with me too
  7. I've always had things like this. I remember in primary school I'd always count my steps in my head through number patterns; I'd forgot I did that until right now actually... With books, I can't have the pages end in a 5 or 0 when I put them down to do something different. It's been like this since I was about 9 or so. I seem to be growing out of a lot of it for some reason.
  8. I had my first tdoc when I was around 10 years old, and now I'm 17 years old and I've had a few since then. I've had none of them longer than 3 appointments; in fact, I've only had one for up to that long. So I haven't really liked any of them. To add to the lack of personal connection with the tdocs so far, I just don't really like the concept of therapy, but I'm being "told" (whether it's by a doctor or a family member) that it's something I "need." I have a new therapist who specializes in CBT. I think I've had 3 appointments with him so far, and tomorrow's my 4th. I liked him the first time I had an appointment and felt I connected (or at least a lot more than any other therapist I'd seen in the past) and even thought, "Hey, maybe it wasn't therapy; I just hadn't had a good therapist." But after each appointment, I've gradually been starting to feel like I always have ("fuck this, I barely know these people so why should I feel comfortable sharing everything right from the start?") I slightly dreaded the second appointment, had a lot of anxiety before the third, and I'm dreading and feeling anxious about the appointment tomorrow. I'm not really the best speaker with unfamiliar people or when I'm stressed out by thinking about my problems, so needless to say I sound like an idiot whenever I want to talk about anything with a therapist. My voice changes and I stutter and pause because I can't find words. I'm uncomfortable, and even though I'm being told it'll "help" me I'm not seeing that ever happen because I don't want to continue. I don't ever want "therapy." I really, really don't want to go tomorrow but the appointment has obviously been made and I don't want to cancel last minute. What do I do? My mother makes the appointments and thinks something like therapy would help me if I could just find the right therapist/therapy, but I don't really know how to suddenly tell her that I really don't want to go and probably never will want to go. I don't want to quit going to this therapist just to find another one in a couple of months; I want to never have one again. I feel like I shouldn't feel that way but I do. It's just too much work and I'm too lazy to do any of it.
  9. why is homework slowly becoming fun

  10. It made me drowsy when I first started taking it; I took it in the morning initially then switched to taking it at night. I think so. If it were the only med I took it'd be easier to say really Yes about the weight, not completely sure about the dulling but I think so. A bit rough but not too bad. I was hypomanic heading toward mania when I was put on it so it wasn't like being depressed and waiting for a med to work. It took awhile but smoothed out somewhat.
  11. MI? I'm not sure; I have another non-MI condition that has rendered me "not normal" since the day I was born, but at the same time I still have memories of a life with just that condition before the technical MI was added... though I was only around 10 years old when it was. I guess the answer would be still-not-normal, but maybe not so scared to try new stuff or go new, faraway places because I wouldn't have to worry about being so unstable. Also worrying about future episodes wouldn't be part of my life.
  12. It's there, just misspelled. Also BP I; I took one pill of Vyvanse on accident a couple of months ago (it was my sister's and I thought all the pills on the table were mine) and that screwed me up for a little under a week. It's so interesting how oppositely meds can affect people. Edit: Now it's spelled correctly
  13. Lamictal hasn't had any negative effects for me. In my experience and from what I've read it's a pretty safe drug. I agree with lifequake in that you don't really have anything to lose by trying. My advice is to maintain the awareness of your moods/behaviours, etc., which you seem to have been doing a good job with, especially when first starting off; also check in with your pdoc when starting. It takes a little while to work in comparison to some other meds because the dosage starts off small and increases slowly. (I think that's how it has to be, but maybe some cases haven't had this; someone correct me if I'm wrong?) It was hard for me to stick with it during this time, and I was a bit impatient, but I've been at 100mg for about three months and I'm okay with that dosage; I know some people go a lot higher and need more. If you make the decision to try it, I hope it works out for you. Good luck!
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