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About saveyoursanity

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    Sister Hand Grenade of Enlightened Compassion

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    well, I guess you had to be there.
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    Computers, writing, tea, psychology, interpersonal relationships & communication, neuroscience, soccer, travel, health care.

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  1. This article about juveniles with mental illness in the criminal system in Texas, Their Last Good Chance to Get Better, is the most empathetic and well-reasoned descriptions of the mental health care system in Texas, as well as more and more of the USA, that I've ever read. How can we, a nation with so many advantages, leave our mental health care for juveniles up to the prison system? Don't even get me started on adults. I believe it's important to educate ourselves. As someone with mental illness who's been lucky enough to avoid the prison system, I am saddened by the clear lack of care given to my brethren in the system, except by a few who are riding on the edge of burnout.
  2. Are you living together? Has he ever demonstrated physical violence towards you or another noun (person, place, or thing) in your presence? Does he listen to your boundaries, or does he ignore them, dismiss them, laugh at them and at your attempts to ask for respect? I suspect the answer to these questions will determine how difficult the breakup is going to be. You're definitely in advanced territory here, so I don't blame you for feeling out of your depth. Frankly, I think you're better off without someone who acts like that.
  3. Huh, am I the first person who considers themselves a person of color to reply to this topic? I'm Latina, mixed race like most of my father's country. Can't pass for white/Caucasian/upper Midwestern USAn mutt like my siblings, have never tried, although that's my mom's ancestry. That's not how genes work.
  4. Hmmm. I've noticed that making fear based decisions usually isn't worthwhile for me. I don't know that telling anyone out of fear that they'll be angry with you if you don't is a great motive, if that makes sense. It's not like the burden of your MI goes away when you don't tell people, but I can understand not wanting to disclose vulnerability. In that case, I suggest it becomes an issue of the partner in question-- you know them a lot better than we do. Of the people you're dating, if it were me I'd consider who I wanted to tell and who I didn't, or who I felt most comfortable with, or who might understand most.
  5. It sounds like you don't want to lose the way he used to behave. Except that you already have, because he's not behaving that way anymore. This sounds like something I would have done in my first relationship. Probably did. This dynamic of you not trusting him, him acting out, it's not going anywhere good. I've learned that from experience. My advice is to DTMFA (dump the motherfucker already) and get to therapy, where you read them this post. (& I definitely would not have taken this advice at your age, but looking back I wish I had valued myself enough to do so. YOU need to take care of YOU more than you need to take care of him, especially when he's not caring for you back.)
  6. Of course you don't feel good! That makes complete sense to me. Unfortunately, all I can say otherwise is "heating pad"
  7. I'm polyamorous as well, and my job involves helping people with mental illness using my lived experience, so I am pretty open about it. I don't really have a choice in some senses, because just answering the question "What do you do for a living" exposes me if I'm truly honest, but I suppose I could hide if I wanted to. However, if someone has negative attitudes about mental illness in general, or my ability to handle my ish in particular, I drop them. They should have counted themselves lucky to be able to spend time with me, frankly, and I'm not going to waste my affection or effort on someone who thinks I'm less than a person. While in terms of "issues" I may have a lifetime subscription, at least I read every issue cover to cover and make plans to handle my shit. That's a lot more than most people do.
  8. My periods were super heavy. I had to go on BC as a 16 year old to try and help, since I had anemia, but the pill didn't stop the heavy bleeding. Now that I have a Mirena, I haven't had a heavy period since I got one installed and I haven't been anemic since. I will warn you, I did spot for about three months when I got the first one (my dr said that was the IUD thinning out the thick lining of my uterus that normally turns into a heavy period) but it was worth it after that. I even got another one put in as soon as the first expired, so seven or eight years total. I have had no pregnancy scares and maybe 3 periods total since that first year, all of which were very light. It's been worth it for me, no question.
  9. I too, realized that the option of committing suicide would always be there for me. That meant I eventually came to understand that it was the wrong choice for the immediate now of pain. I walked away, secure in knowing I could always kill myself later. I continued to let go of the urge to commit suicide at this very moment. As I did so, I realized that while it will always be a possibility I'm able to make into reality, as a concept without an independent existence except in its execution, suicide is not my friend. Suicide doesn't care about me in particular or anyone in general, because it's not a human being. Death can't welcome me with open arms because death doesn't have arms. As far as we know, it's just the end. Forever. Pain doesn't last, even though our feelings might be that it will, the simple truth is that change is inevitable and you will not be in pain forever. Or maybe you will be, and that's the human condition in a nutshell. I'm a Buddhist myself; I go with the second option. The truth of death is that it's messy and disgusting in the physical sense, and emotionally devastating to everyone who cares about you, including people you've probably forgotten about. When my ex-boyfriend killed himself a few years ago, my pain at his passing helped me know I'd made the right decision.
  10. Dwebber, I've merged your two threads because you said basically the same thing in each.
  11. While I believe the theory of Relationship OCD specifically speaks about it being romantic partners, I personally have noticed people with relationship OCD expressing it most towards their intimate companions in life, whether romantic or platonic. Based purely on my laymen experience and logic, I would argue it seems more likely that if your "r-ship OCD-like behaviors" only express themselves towards one type of relationship, there's something about that type of relationship that's more anxiety provoking. It could be trauma-related or lack of knowledge-based, depending on yr specific anxiety triggers.
  12. It sounds like it could be scary. That's definitely an important symptom to let your pdoc know about.
  13. Anna, I could have written this question! I have to tell you what my therapist has said *to me* about trying to find that line between personal dysfunction and OCD: isn't questioning yourself constantly just another way of indulging the OCD? (and I know she would say that, because she's annoying and often right) In this case, is it possible that you don't want to be a nosy person so you're desperately trying to figure out the reason so you can stop? What I've found is that I can't ever know for sure if it's me or the disorder, and frankly I'm no longer sure that's the right question to ask ourselves. Truth be told, I have a lot of reasons for my behavior and simply having the knowledge hasn't magically cured me of anything. Making better choices is what stops an expression of a behavior. Sure, in the long term knowing the reasons behind our behavior can help provide motivation for change, but... in the here and now, which is all we have control over, I find it best to change my actions. This philosophy has given me visible results. (And then I do the is this my disorder vs is this my fucked up self dance in therapy, where I have a spotter.) The first step is noticing when you're asking a lot of questions: catching yourself. Then I check that against reality: do I have any reason to believe this specific person's anomalous behavior is going to be dangerous to me? Is their behavior upsetting me in other ways? Then, finally, when I'm pretty sure that it's just my relationship-OCD flaring up again, I decide to change my behavior, and stop asking questions. Or, since a conversation is a two way street, maybe I can tell them, "sorry, I don't mean to be nosy!" and then share something personal in return.
  14. Does your pdoc know you're off meds? What you're describing is pretty much exactly how my depression begins to manifest, and after that comes the suicidal ideation and wanting to hibernate. No, that state of being so easily annoyed is not normal. It is probably directly linked to going off your meds, just like the voices and spirits which are probably not a part of consensus reality.
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