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About aserwin

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    figment of my own imagination...

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Dallas, TX
  • Interests
    I love music; listening and creating. I love art and literature.
  1. I don't even know where to start. I admit at the beginning that this is somewhat of a rant. I am a husband and an extremely proud father. My kids literally keep me going. That being said, the only times in my life that I have felt accepted; as if I actually belong, were as a result of either the voiced in my head or those who took advantage of the voices in my head. So, to be honest... though I am on a better path, getting treatment (well, getting pills), I feel worse. I used to feel isolated from society because I thought I was different... now I am isolated because I KNOW I am different. Just seems fucked up. And, of course the depression just makes me feel like an asshole because I have so many good things. I don't know. I don't know how much sense any of this made... but thanks for reading it.
  2. I don't know... I have been looking around, reading some of the posts. Feels like I could get lost here just as easily as in the world... maybe that is just fear of trying, I don't know.
  3. Hello all... I am Andrew. I am 38 years old and have only recently been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I have been struggling with this since I was in my early 20's, but it never really occoured to me that there was an illness involved. All I knew was that I didn't really fit in with other people... the auditory hallucinations were kind of a guide I guess you could say. After 2 failed marriages, my 3rd wife refused to give up on me, even though my mania put us in interesting financial difficulties at times. She finally convinced me to see a doctor thinking maybe it was depression. The doc put me on lithium and depakote but before it could really do any good I had what was described to me as a nervous breakdown. I was hospitalized for a couple of weeks and finally saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder. That was just about 9 months ago. My meds have been adjusted and my mania is under control, but the depression (closer to desparation) is just barable at times. And I am still disconnected from people. I have no friends... no one to talk to. My wife tries to understand me, but I think she has accepted the fact that she can't. My kids are a great comfort, though. They are 6 and 8 and always seem to know when I am down... but I would love to have some adults to talk to. Reality is scary... and navigating it is certainly a challenge.
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