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Talky Tina

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Everything posted by Talky Tina

  1. My therapists want me to go into residential treatment at a place that is trauma focused along with eating disorders. I've contacted places and they were unwilling to treat me because I'm trans and haven't had surgery. (I mean. I'd love surgery but it's not my fault I can't afford it or my insurance doesn't cover it.) I've contacted my insurance and was told they wouldn't cover any centers located outside of Minnesota. Minnesota doesn't have any trauma centers. We talked about so-called IRTS. We talked about Emily program but they aren't in a hospital. I went t
  2. Thank you for what you do. I don't have the funds to responsibly donate. Please know that you have a subscriber and someone who will continue to use this service. Also, I didn't read your Blues Brothers quote or recognize you David Bowie icon. I love me some Bowie. I miss him a lot.
  3. AshleyS do you like to sketch? Sketching is fun stuff
  4. I've found video games or comic books to help. Funny things that make me laugh or experience physical reactions. Maybe something like drinking a cold glass of water. Cooking or eating something with spicy taste or a slight burn really helps me out quite a bit. I love spicy food quite a bit. Just some ideas.
  5. Gosh. I... I didn't write it well. I never wanted to come across as advocating for purging. I was trying to say that eating spicy food helped me stop purging. Which is a good thing. Also, the term safe, sane, and consensual is a bit... I'unno. I don't like it. I'm not sane, I don't know that there's a safe way to do face slapping or other stuff I enjoy. There's a safe-er way to do it. And certainly consent is important. I prefer as you put it. Risk Reduction. I just... I'unno. I was trying to come up with less harmful things to do. Which, I think eating the
  6. The other topic was posted in 2011 and there's only a couple comments. Thought I'd start something new. Hope that's alright. So, a couple things I've learned. I used to harm. A lot. It's been maybe just about two years now. Some things that helped was that first... I'm into a bit of alternative lifestyle stuff. Flogging, bondage BDSM sort of stuff. And it kind of opened up a new way of looking at self harm or other sort of stuff. In a kind of... An active instead of reactive experience. I tried getting my partner to hurt me when I wanted to self harm. And it wasn't so great. B
  7. Sometimes it really does feel like there's no further steps to take. Sometimes it feels like you're not tired you just ran into a wall. A dead end. You can't turn around. You're on tracks. You're not moving so you stare at the wall and there's nothing else you can do. Just stand there and just grit your teeth, bite your tongue, squeeze your fists and try to will yourself forward. But you can't. You just scream at yourself. You just try to force all of your will into your body and you can't move.


    you're done. It's over. You're weak, gross, trash and done. You're not good enough. You're. Not. Good. Enough.  That's what you are. You are, Not Good Enough.


    Not is your first name, Enough is your last and Good is your middle. You want what you want. What you want is gross and bad. You should feel bad. You are bad. You are Not Good Enough. What's that like? What is it like to not be enough?


    Does it suck? Does it feel scary are you mad? Because you're Not Good Enough. Good job. Good fucking job. All of this. 29 fucking years and this is where you are? You piece of shit.

    1. Talky Tina

      Talky Tina

      All it takes is a dare. All it takes is a chance and you're not enough for it. So you just sit there angry at yourself. Unable to make a decision or to move. You just sit there. Angry, and scared. Never enough. Never good enough because that's what you are. It's why you're unemployed at 29. It's why you're not. 

    2. Talky Tina

      Talky Tina

      Do other people ever feel like that? It's weird how things like that feel like they're bubbling up from inside me sometimes.

  8. Absolutely. I've gone ahead and sent a message to my General Practitioner and am awaiting a response. I was flabbergasted so I didn't really have much to say. I just... I'm so.. *grits teeth* what the hell.
  9. I had a psych appointment on Wednesday. She canceled on me an hour before. I haven't met with her yet. I haven't seen a psych since November. My general practitioner thinks it's important that I see a psych soon. I was so agitated. But real life stuff happens. And psychs are people who have real lives. I was offered an appointment next week with her resident and I'd meet with the psych an hour after speaking with this stranger I've never met before. I told the scheduler I'm not going to meet with a resident. I'm apprehensive about meeting with a psychiatrist to begin with
  10. In November I saw a new psychiatrist. Dude was a dick. He invalidated my experiences asked me if I've had sexual reassignment surgery, assured me that my experiences within the military weren't all bad and then went on to ask if I'm transitioning because I was sexually abused. Then, after I left the room he misgendered me in front of other patients. I went to a lawyer about it. They agreed that it was wrong and have helped me draft up a letter. Got the letter sent out in December and I haven't heard anything else. I had a great psychiatrist. The ignorant psychiatrist practices at t
  11. Don't call me dude


  12. Fuck the military

  13. Eat today god damnit it's hard. I don't want to and I do and it's all overwhelming. I'm on a limited budget if I eat I'll be wasting money. I should save it. I don't know god damnit
  14. Went over to a friends house for a LAN party. I was scared of going. Really scared. I haven't seen these people in over 6 months. I get there, I get misgendered and they say some pretty awful things... Not to me, but just in general. I had fun... But.. god it was stressful. It's 6 in the morning I'm going to get two hours of sleep and then get a ride home. *sigh*... I wore a skirt and strangers don't misgender me... What does it take for people to see me as the woman I want to be?

    1. Talky Tina

      Talky Tina

      I don't leave my apartment every day or even every 6. Not regularly.. I just wish it would go well when I do.

  15. We think the chat is in the same place but feeling a bit under the weather.
  16. Temmie!?


    I like your profile image. Thought I'd let you know.

  17. It seems like the link to the youtube thingy isn't working. Just thought I'd let you know.

    1. TakeAChillPill


       I probably deleted it a while ago.  I just wrote a new blog entry here.  You can read it again f you want

  18. Rough stuff through and through. I see a therapist person again tomorrow. Here's hoping it's good stuff. Chronic pain is pretty awful stuff. And um. I don't know what else. I find myself shrugging a lot. It's 12:45 here. I'unno what to say. So. *shrugs* It's all kind of stressful and I don't particularly want to leave my therapist and um. I don't know. I'unno. Whatever. I guess. Yeah. Stuff kind of sucks and stuff. Right?
  19. Gosh... Lesse. Here's a list if you're curious. Super-de-long. But here you are. It follows. I appreciate your input and thoughtful response. Thank you. Meds can be really powerful stuff. Sleep is rough stuff. I've got a couple therapists. One focuses on well... Most stuff. The other one focuses on my eating disorder. It's all kind of fucked up stuff. Right? Prazosin 2 mg tablets Instructions: Take 4mg in the morning and take 6mg at night Amitryptaline 50mg Instructions: Take 0.5 tablets (25 mg) by mouth at bedtime DULoxetine 60mg Instructions
  20. No, my intention wasn't to report or talk around something I felt ought to be reported. I saw this topic and felt strongly about it. I feel like having a conversation like this now beats having a conversation about this after something happens. I apologize if I've come across sideways or if all of this appears unnecessary and frustrating.
  21. Food is difficult. I'm torn on staying in bed and sleeping until tomorrow or trying to be more active.
  22. Oh... I... I can't tell if you're serious... Umm... How peaceful they look...
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