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peanut_butter

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  1. I feel like when I am either in some sort of episode or am feeling especially socially anxious and timid that my voice sounds completely different. Both my parents and my psychiatrist have commented on this. It's kind of embarrassing because I feel like I wind up sounding like a child sometimes ( I am 19) and I just feel weird that my voice is always different....I also feel like it's different around people I'm not comfortable with.... Does anyone else experience this or know anything about it?
  2. Yeah, it is so scary when you don't even know what happened in the past I guess I have to be a lot more vigilant, this whole time I was trying to pretend I'm fine and ignore my "symptoms" but I guess I just can't do that anymore because it wound up getting completely out of control ...
  3. I was dx'ed almost a year ago and in my first severely manic, psychotic episode I knew something was wrong but I didn't know what it was until my parents took me to the doctor...still I didn't realize that I was completely out of touch with reality. I crashed into a psychotic depression a few months later and it took me like 3 months to realize I was psychotic and out of touch with reality so I was able to tell myself like "this isn't real, calm down" and I went to the doctor shortly afterward...but it took me such a long time to realize it and I didn't tell my doctor (stupid of me), I think I might have just been in denial or I just didn't have "insight" to realize all of my beliefs were completely false, I almost made some extremely bad decisions ... I am tired of embarrassing myself or making horrible decisions, is there a way to learn to recognize you're having a severe episode or is your brain just too impaired at that point....it is really scary
  4. I have been experiencing something similar but I was thinking it was a side effect of one of my medications, it could be hypomania but I am really hoping it's not
  5. I feel a lot better on lamictal than the other medications I've taken (zyprexa, abilify, lithium) and I'm currently taking 200 mg lamictal and tapering off lithium (half the dose I started with right now). I feel super fidgety, I feel like I have to tap things for no reason, pull on the sleeve of my shirt until it feels "right", in my school stuff I go over the same letters like 5 times until it feels ok....I have been trying to keep my house looking immaculate and always making sure my hands are clean and don't smell bad....and usually I try to get A's or B's in my classes but right now I have been studying obsessively and I feel like I need to get 100 percent on my next exams or I will die or something....I'm freaking out that I might make some small mistake or miss one tiny thing in my notes. I am studying way more than I need to to just get an A but I feel like I NEED to get 100 percent. I am not apathetic and depressed anymore but I feel very nervous and overwhelmed with life (even though I am just a part-time student in community college & I'm not working) I'm mostly obsessing over school and nothing else really ..... well also cleanliness.... I don't think I am setting any wildly optimistic goals like when I was manic, like I though I'm going to wind up a billionaire or something..... and I don't think I have a wildly inflated self-esteem ... I found this and I'm hoping this is what's happening rather than something more serious: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18719043 Has anyone else had this problem?
  6. Since I've been on lithium, I've felt like I have no feelings and just bored of everything all the time, I've never felt so bored in my life.... I didn't enjoy listening to bands I usually like and I was just so indifferent to everything...I didn't feel depressed though. Now that I'm tapering off it I can't stop listening to music because it actually sounds good again and I don't feel unbearably bored.....I am not manic or anything, I am still a little sluggish but I just feel like I can actually enjoy things now. Does lithium cause anhedonia or am I just weird?
  7. I was diagnosed BP I just a few months ago at age 19 and I hate being drugged......I am now fat and have acne, I look like shit
  8. Maybe it is a form of psychosis? During my psychotic state I thought my symptoms were caused from being traumatized when my doctor raped me in the hospital .... in reality that never happened but I was CONVINCED that I was raped. I also thought I had been molested as a child in Catholic school...another thing that never happened. I have actually never been sexually abused in any way. I am not so sure about the repressed memory thing, I always that was a load horse manure but it could be true.
  9. Caffeine & sugar are both super addictive. I'm thinking maybe you're withdrawing from both these substances which can be rough for anyone, BP or not! Just my $0.02
  10. I am currently on lithium & lamictal but it must be the lithium because I was on lithium alone for a few months and it hasn't changed since starting lamictal .... n e wayz ..... I am having a strange sleeping problem...I sleep like 11-12 hours a day, and I sleep from like 12am-12pm on the weekends. But during the week I sleep from 12-AM- 8AM and so I only get 8 hours of sleep and I am SO tired so I wind up sleeping again from like 2pm-6pm. I cannot fall asleep before 12 AM even if I didn't sleep during the day at all. Even if I got only like 5 hours of sleep at night. I hate sleeping during the day but it's the only way I can get "enough" sleep and feel "rested"... Before I was on meds I could go to sleep any time I wanted if I was tired, I mean if I got like 5 hours of sleep at night I could fall asleep early the next night.....and I only slept like 9 hours. Now if I only get 9 hours of sleep it feels like 4 hours(before meds) ..... I don't understand why I have this weird rigid sleeping pattern now that I can't change ??? It is really annoying because I want to stop sleeping during the day but I can't cause I'm sooo tired
  11. I have been on lithium for only 4 months but I can totally relate to the whole "no motivation/energy" thing....super annoying!! It's hard to take a shower sometimes! I haven't tried the sub-therap. dose yet but my pdoc wants to try it for this reason...I would rather go off it completely because I hate it so much!!
  12. When people make jokes to people like "you forgot to take your medication today" (just to friends, not like people with actual MI's)...I heard that twice today, once on the radio and once at school. I mean, even before I was diagnosed with anything I just thought it was a really stupid joke but now it bugs me a lot .... thoughts ? Sorry if this is in the wrong forum ... Look, there's even a bumper sticker ...
  13. I gained 12 pounds on it....before I took any medication I was able to lose 20 pounds and now that I'm on lithium I have finally stopped gaining weight but I can't lose it....I have lost weight before and none of my "techniques" are working!!! I've been eating a lot less and working out but it's not happening....it it just not possible?? Do I have to just accept my new fat body
  14. He told me that if I eat less I will be less hungry....I did it for 2 weeks and it didn't really help...I've been drinking coffee to get rid of my appetite :/...he won't put me on any other meds because he thinks the side effects would be worse
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