I have a hard time trusting people and an even harder time sharing my feelings. I have been reading some of the stuff shared on this site and I realized maybe I don't have to deal with this alone anymore. The normal people in my life don't have clue and when I try to explain I get these blank stares like OMG, I don't want to know this. It is easier for them if they can just pretend I am normal too. They diagnosed me with bi-polar disorder about 4 months ago. I have the one with the crazy highs and the evil lows. I have been self medicating for more years than I remember until I ended up in a hospital within days of dying they say. They said I had taken too many of my happy pills and that I was starving myself to death. Apparantly the only thing I was eating was pills. I don't remember alot of the last few years and none of the three months leading up to July 5, 2012. I detoxed at home with my daughter and husband watching over me, keeping me from pills and keeping me from hurting myself. Two weeks later I was in rehab. Rehabs pdoc diagnosed me. I don't disagree with the diagnoses. It seems right on to me. Now I take Saphris, Lithium, Wellbutrin, and Lunesta. I feel everything and with much intensity. The meds keep me from getting overwhelmed by them mostly. The anger is the worse to pop out and singe those around me. My husband is done, I think. He is not speaking to me, for the last two days. That is not normal for us. But I think I might be done also. I was using prescription drugs to escape from something that was making me unhappy....But I am terrified, what if I crash again??? What is the right answer to any question??? My mind feels like hurricane is loose in it and I am never sure if what I feel is real, or what I think is going on is really going on. What if I am wrong??? My perception is so off. I don't know if I can trust myself or anyone else for that matter. Are the meds not working????