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About bpjm_2012

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  1. Well I have no control over my anxiety obviously after today. I mean to a certain extent I do but this med should be helping. I got to work this morning and showed up early. I had a huge panic attack and now my boss is cutting my hours again. I don't know how much more depression and anxiety I can stand. I got to thinking about my job situation and being single and it just brought me down worse. If that isn't enough already I'm going to continue being broke.
  2. I am feeling quite different but today has been hell. Had manic symptoms which I masked at my friends house. Then went home and realized that I don't speak up for myself like back in the day when my friend had a girlfriend she would approach me wrong and everything but I didn't say nothing then cuz she was kind of cute. So I guess I realized two things tonight. That 1. Obviously my standards are too low. Second I don't say shit when things happen. I hate to be the problem. But it seems like my rollercoaster of thoughts wont slow down for 30 minutes or so. Then it's off to lala land because I gotta work in between all this scarring crap. Oh and jealousy. That one's gonna be a bitch.
  3. I woke up today feeling refreshed. My sex drive is still the same which is a plus. I went to take my meds this morning after eating some peanut butter. The paxil got stuck and I accidentally chewed it up and swallowed it. It startled me at first but I didn't think too much of it. Im more talkative than usual but not in a weird way. Kind of like Adderall but without the weird feeling of euphoria tugging away at you saying there's something more. I don't feel anxious to go to work like I usually would and Im actually looking forward to my day with my friends at work. I know this is alot of ranting but I genuinely feel at least 50 percent better. I really would like to see the full effect Paxil has on me but I have to be patient. I have went from being zombie like to an actual alive person. Im so glad my doctor didn't put me on Zoloft because I hate the zombie effect it has on me. And with my easy going self I probably would've accepted it not knowing the possibilities. I just know that this is working for me so far and the anxiety-calming effects are remarkable.
  4. Im gonna have to say invisible. Because on Depakote for me I have sudden spurts of mood changes but not so much of a long period of time. It usually can leave me feeling pretty shooken up though. Im diagnosed with Schizoaffective Bipolar.
  5. My 7th day on Paxil and Im waking up without having anxiety attacks and I have made it 5 days of no smoking and personally I don't even want to. I really hope this isn't just manic symptoms messing with me for acting this normal but so far Im thinking of maybe doing a dosage increase.
  6. You know 5th day or so on this stuff I felt nothing all day . No anxiety. No nothing really. Just some self doubt. But here at the tail end of my day I feel like a worthless piece of crap. I thought about one thing in particular that brought me down and thats not going to change here anytime soon. Also I finally snapped to it tonight what I've been doing. This is started even before the paxil but I get this paranoid type delusion where my worst fear turns into a delusion. My relationship status is single. Has been for 17 years but for small amounts of time its like Im in a trance and thinking like Im with a girl but emotional type stuff. It keeps me happy for the time Im trancing on about it but when its gone everything has seemingly been a constant carousel. I can keep up with my thoughts and have vivid dreams but do what do I owe to this delusion. I dont know but it sounds crazy. Talking out loud dont help neither. I have to get through this though. The depression,my fear, and hopefully a newly found life.
  7. Ive accepted my depression but mine comes from mania. It is still a rollercoaster though but if you can learn to accept it then life will handle you a lot differently I think. I also deal with constant anxiety but I was just placed on paxil. Ive been diagnosed for 14 years now I think and my life is turning around because of my acceptance and also patience. I never found talk therapy to be much help because personally Im not very social unless you happen to be my friend. Anyways yes acceptance should be a key to your answers.
  8. Hi all its been a while since Ive been on here. Im diagnosed with Schizoaffective Bipolar and I was just placed on Paxil. Im on Neurontin,Geodon,Depakote , and Benadryl to sleep. I have a question about the Paxil. I took my first dose and I am not lying but finally decided to quit smoking cigarettes. My thinking has been a lot calmer and clearer. Ive only been on for 3 days though. I'm wondering is it possible to feel the effects from this drug so fast? They only put me on 10mg which is fine with me but Im willing to go up. I just want to be anxiety and depresion free and it seems like it's doing that but Idk yet. Also how many weeks do I wait if I want an increase so I can ask my doctor?
  9. OK so I've been sticking it out here at my moms house at 33 years old. Now I'm being forced back into a rehab that I don't need for a straight year. Worse than that this place is playing with their b-66 diddies and saying I can possibly not be accepted. Oh and on top of this my mom is always listening to God. On TV. As if God can solve my financial problems, my health problems,the fact that I can't stand my life to the point where I'm practically laughing at myself. This whole thing is confusing as well because I'm high on top of this but yet I can't get ssdi because I don't meet said criteria. I've been looking for a 9-5 in this Spanish shithole for the past 6 months. I get tremors just thinking about it. I hate my life, my therapist, my psychiatrist, my mom, everyone in this shit life. I personally could care less if I get shot in the head tomorrow and I would like to document this.
  10. Hold up though. I do feel positive about my rehabilitation from a collision of bad meets good. But If* it's dysthmia wouldn't it be constant?
  11. I was once in that situation . I had Adderall and codeine for pain. I felt good when the Adderall would work. I was on Temazepam,Clonazepam,Geodon,And the Adderall and Codeine. Only thing is I didn't have much anxiety on Adderall.
  12. Mood stabilizers are a godsend. Stay away from mixing meds too soon if you're new to this. I'm 12 years into this Paranoid Schizophrenia 20-25 Mood Disorder 25-26 Schizzoaffective Bipolar type(Major Depressive) Disorder 26-33. Mood stabilizers are a really good start. Medication is you're friend. Trust me.
  13. Citalopram activated more depression for me. Prozac is candy in a sense compared to 450mg of Wellbutrin XL.
  14. Going to neuropsych psychiatric nurse apparently on the 12th then I go back to rehab for a year. Made it 2 months there no drinking and 1 month home. Wanna get on another mood stabilizer and a sleep pill. My anxiety is out the roof but I have no care for anything right now. Is there a dysthmia test Im supposing?
  15. What is this word and doed this mean blunt? I dont care about anything and I had a bout 8 anxiety attacks over the last eight days. I got off my Gabapentin and still on Depakote/Naltrexone goodbye drinking/Ziprasidone. I hear shit and my mood keeps swinging. I have resisted to fight though. Bye drinking. Yes I know good ol liquor bye drinking. My mind is going mad.
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