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-Asphyxia-

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About -Asphyxia-

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    trans male

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  1. you sound like me i get very obsessed about other faiths want to find out more and more about it for me there are stuff from my past that triggers me into this i think am going to hell i was told by an abuser i was going to hell am now wanting to be pure and clean and holy can i be holy want to be like Jesus want to be like the saints struggling so much with this talk to your pdoc there are some medications that can help you
  2. I am in the middle of coming out to family and friends that am Transgender male my friends who i have came out to so far have been great so supportive and my pastor has given me a lot of advice he says am finally being who i want to be am happy about coming out to them most of them are trans themselves including my pastor i go to a church where LGBT + are welcome they also have great understanding of mental health issues without the support they have given me i would still be confused and messed up my husband is also supportive but the person am more worried about coming out to is my mother she will never understand or accept me for some reason i wish that she was supportive my mother also says my mental health is attention seeking and there nothing wrong with me and my dr are wrong that i have mental health problems she feels she knows me but she has no idea about mental health and think am being lazy by not working i cant work due to my mental health she also is hates everyone never really had friend for years she is also very bitter my step dad died 6 years ago in September she has become worse and is very moody and shouts and screams when she dont get her own way i am not looking forward to telling her but she is going to notice soon that am changing my gender my sister and my nieces are supportive as well and from now on i'll be using male pro nons from now on
  3. things havent really changed much since i last posted here ...i haven't self injured well not psychically anyway mentally i am giving myself a hard time doing things that will screwing me over head fucking myself OCD dont help with that shit either thank you for posting back to me ...its hard my husband been trying to help not head fuck myself so much but he starting to piss me off a little i feel so fucking depressed feel like killing myself but what stops me is my husband friends and family plus my 2nd great neice is due to make an appearance very soon and i would like to meet her when she pops out my family know about my mental health but they dont help with it because there is always some fucking drama going on with my sister especially she has enough drama to make a soap opera that been running for 45 years now too much shit going on with family i have too much shit going on with my head as well i see and hear things sometimes am paranoid and sometimes am delusional OCD on top with the other shit that wrong with me ...normally would be going to mental health groups today missed my morning ones my husband is trying to get me to go to my afternoon ones but i cant be fucked but i know he is going to be at me if i do i guess i got to get dressed and fucking go out even though i cant be arsed ...oh ill have a look at that thread might give me some ideas what o do instead of this cutting shit
  4. Fuck am been very self destructive at the moment wanting to self injure a lot wanting to really hurt myself and guess what ??? i dont give A FUCK husband keeps asking whats wrong ...??? FUCK KNOWS I cant seem to get things out of my head thinking of ways to do it as well anything my head comes up with am thinking about kinda wish i didnt have feelings i wish i was numb that ways id stop feeling so fucking shit all the time ...
  5. yes i have self injured because of my psychosis but i have also self injured for other reasons
  6. 12 years ago i had an assessment to find out what was wrong with me why i self injured and i was hell bent on killing myself in some form i was given the diagnoses BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER at the time i felt it was hard for me to believe that i have it...i would say its something else when she diagnosed me with bpd and i still and am hearing voices and seeing things i though she was wrong i felt too ashamed to say i have it until a few months ago friends who also has bpd hear voices and see things too i never researched BPD for myself i felt ashamed so am reading about bpd In books and on-line blogs etc and there are a lot of things i do that is normally what people with bpd do for example i change my focus on things over and over like from one faith to another faith ( i have been Muslim , Buddhist Hindu Christian( i stick to Christianity more than any the others faiths and one of my friends is a pastor helps me stay with Christianity ) there is so much sigma about bpd ...people think we are attention seekers , dangerous , etc am no longer ashamed of BPD i want to help people with bpd just dont know how to start i cant volunteer as i need my husband to take me to the place and stay there with me as i have social anxiety and sometimes am too ill if he isn't with me ...i need to try and be well before i can help everyone else .
  7. i dont work due to my mental health and i cant hold a job down due to my mental health my husband is my full time carer he dont work because i need him he as am a danger to myself at home on my own and i cant leave the house without him ... unsure what going on with uk government they are changing the rules about who will get benefits and who will not there making things hard for disabled people making them work when they are clearly ill some people have died due to the government being harder on the disabled the government dont give a fuck about disabled people especially people with mental health issues they say that people who have anxiety can work they dont have anything wrong with them ...when some people are too scared to walk out the house by themselves because it in the news this puts added stress on people with mental health issues and disabled people .
  8. there laughing at me all of them ...the mas will be starting at 12 noon uk time ...its 11.30 am uk time at the moment too late to go i wet to bed at 4am and he went to bed after i think i got up at 8 am but am not sure 4 hours sleep and i feel very awake unsure what to don for now av had breakfast and a coffee going out for a walk soon with my husband to get my meds from the chemist just got a letter through the door about my disablity payment have to reapply scared they will not give us money and i cant work because of my mental health my husband dont work as he is my full time carer...worried now dont know what to do feel like cutting
  9. I see my psych on the 29th she my new one it will be my first time meeting her the devils are watching me there is more of them today Want to go to church but my husband says am too ill to i can ask my dr ...want to go its important that i go my husband dont understand why its important Today Jesus dies on the cross for our sins every one all over from the start to the end of time of peoples sins i really want to go but my husband is not a Christian he dont believe i wish he would but i cant make him love Jesus he got to do that in his own time if ever thank you for replying to me
  10. its good that you are doing these things ... that reminds me i need to shower too my hair is short so i dont have to worry about its getting tangled . There are times when i feel am ill i forget all about showering and brushing my teeth ... if it wasnt for my husband id forget to take my meds but he reminds me
  11. been going to a new church that welcome people who are LGBT ( am non binary) the other church i was at before was but LGBT people arent welcome there but i found out that there really are devil worshipers the devils have been following me for a few weeks one of the reasons am not going back there the devils hide on top of buildings so not one notices them and they jump from building to building following people there now in my flat sitting on the fireplace watching and laughing at me i told my husband about the devils but he dont believe in things like this the people at the other church want me to stay there because they want my soul they do rituals involving blood and dead animals i will not eat flesh ...they made me feel scared but i know that on Sunday Jesus will rise from the dead and defeat them the angels will help me do this i went to a drop in today for cake and coffee it was good but i have to watch my weight i cant have too much cake or my dr will not be happy
  12. maybe your right ...Am on government money because of my mental health i cant work and nether can my husband who is my full time carer They would spy on us so we do something wrong like go outside on my own or me not having as many panic attacks they also want a reason to stop my money ...just because i have a good day my husband said they wouldn't waste money doing but i dont know As for my medication i see my new psych in feb 24th i cant get an appointment sooner Am taking my meds as per usual + extra meds just in case took am extra last night because my husband says i needed it All of my medication are locked away so i dont take them all when am depressed
  13. Not been here for a while got a new laptop as the old one died ( my husband fixed it a few days ago but i just use it at night to play the internet radio stations ) the reason am posting is that i think am being spied on by the people that live a cross the road from me They have news paper on there window i have seen them in the window in the kitchen and they look over there watching me all the time and i think they have hidden cameras listening devices etc i have to be careful what am saying here Not safe to talk at all i hope you are all doing well
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