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  1. Im a MOSTLY straight guy that has been leaning more towards guys lately.When I get manic or Hypo Manic or Drunk .. I think its because my deep down desires become apparent. Not positive but Im guessing thats it. I tend to only do it when I am DRUNK or Manic .... I like Women's underwear more than guys. I love wearing it around my apartment. ... The risk is a turn on by itself. i have so many fantasies it is unreal. But basically it is me being bi without anyone finding out. On the flipside I want to do it in front of a woman and have her approval the ENTIRE time. I love G Strings Especially because the way they fit in the back, but they are WAY to small up front. I am FAR from bragging as I am not even average.But how do guys or Transgender people even fit. Even if they tuck ? I'm VERY Honestly Curious !!!!!!! I also tried regular women's underwear and twist them in the back and pull up on the front and back. They at least fit on the front side and I get aroused by the way, very aroused! ... I make them a g string in my own way but you cant make regular womens underwear into a G String even by doing that. I know I am rambling now, I have had just a few beers lol .. But I would love to talk with some bisexual Guys or Transgender Women. To be honest the sexuality of Transgender women has always been, well .. Fucking Amazing ! I'd love to just chat with you if you are transgender. Not even in a sexual way. Just to get to know you !!!! Sorry for posting when drunk. This post probably doesnt make sense. It does to me know but in the morning if I remember and read it back I will probably be like WTF, was I TRYING TO BE AN ASS ? LOL ... If so, I honestly dont mean to be. I would love some PM's or replies here even if negative. If I am being offensive, I apologize I hope you all have a great night. I also hope you are all able to have more support being LGBT than I .... Well .. Am afraid to even ask for from my family
  2. No specifics .... Has anyone else ever experienced censorship without any explanations. I define censorship as the inability to say what you want. I also define it as being somewhere that is owned by someone else who doesn't explain their rules yet decides to "evacuate" you from their premises without explaining the reasoning. Is this something that is still common ? I hadn't experienced it prior to tonight ...
  3. Topomax lead to me losing 15 pounds in 2-3 weeks. I was that overweight either. I was also only taking 50 or 100 of the topomax
  4. Maybe thy mean something like ... And I can see this being used ... I'm not afraid of him killing me, but I'm scared he will hurt me. But yeah essentially they are the same. I know I have heard that phrase used before though.
  5. I like the idea of wrapping the together. Possibly then a joke of I will read he comes next first.. If I remember right and you are female? Haven't been on this board for a year acne I got my disability. Glad there are great mods like you here that are a steady part of the community. You guys helpd me a lot at my absolute worse moments!
  6. A man should never hit a woman, ever, ever, ever, period! I was in three very shitty relationships and one the woman took a huge butcher knife out on me. All I did was restrain her until she was calm and then left the house immediately. By restrain each one of my forearms on hers and each of my knees on hers basically. When you add in the cheating, trust me things won't change. I cheated my first two relationships and never quite with those ladies. In my third relationship .. She was special but could not handle my Illness. All that aside I never cheated on her as I truly cared for her. Period. If a man is truly serious about you even if he is unhappy he will not resort to cheating, period. And that ld saying once a cheater, always a ... We'll I believe that applies until a person grows up and find someone else he truly cares about. In my second relationship she knew and didn't say anything about it so of course I continued. I think she did too ... Being in a relationship with mental illness is tough enough ... Being in an abusive relationship with infidelity will destroy you and worsted your condition I pray you find your way out of this situation. I know, it's not easy, it's scary, and you don't think you can ... Been there .. Even as a man when I was at my worst I didn't believe in myself enough so I can only imagine as a woman with a child how much harder it is. But the truth is we are capable of getting out of these situations, we truly are ... And even at our worst we are better off out of relationships that make us miserable.
  7. I'm confused because when I have anxiety that is very strong the last thing I feel like doing is being around people. It sounds like you might be having akstashia ... I think I spelled that wrong. It could be due to one of your mess. Are you n abilify? It is the one a lot of people complain abut a similar symptom ...
  8. Ever since I have my new cocktail is seems to be working much better than I expected. I am currently on 300 mg lamictal 10 mg saphris 3 mg klonopin 1 mg benxotropin or something like that. It is for the side effects or saphris (anti psychotic / manic epsidoes) Problem is I have no desire for any kind of sexual relationship or any kind of even intimate relationships. I hate the idea of never being in a sexual relationship or have some sort of intimacy again in the future, Thank god I am not in a relationship at the moment. Even if I did have the desire I have to get my life put back together first. My question is how do most of you deal with this. The saphris works very well at knocking out the manic episodes as well as mixed episodes but smashes my sexual desires. Another question for the side. I have considered going on the saphris to see if my mixed episodes or mania come back as it has been 6 months since I have had one (about how long I have been on Saphris). But if my moods start acting up I will get back on it. I never had those until a couple years ago so maybe it has passed, as it seems all bipolar episodes are obviously episodes and hoping I don't need to stay on Saphris as I think that would help immensely with my sex life - diesre to get involved with someone again. However that being said I still to this day, even on best med combo I have found I don't think I am relationship material. It is sort of depressing knowing I may not be relationship material ever again in my life ...
  9. I seee my Pdoc today and was going to ask about Gabapentin ... Main reason is my extremely high levels of anxiety even on benzos / low dose of zoloft addded recently, and my AP which helps my anxiety alot as well. Problem is my anxiety levels are still sky high. I was wondering if anyone else takes Gabapentin for Anxiety and what their experiences were ? Gaba and Klonopin users together would also be very helpful. Not even sure if Pdoc will go for this if it is what I am telling him I want it for either ?
  10. silentium, this is not helpful. You know that CB is pro-psychiatry and pro-treatment, and yet you have a history of coming here and dropping in little comments about bipolar not being a "real illness". You are also blindly anti-medication. There are dozens of other sites out there where you can hash this out to your heart's content. Continuing to show up every few months to passive aggressively insert your views like this isn't going to fly here. You said elsewhere on CB in the past that "Recovery to me is being free (or as free as possible) from this industry, it does more harm than good to a great deal of people." I, and many other members here, would be dead without "this industry". Assuming it is a real illness ? This is offensive. I am on disability because it has been determined by the govt and my doctors I am unable to work due to my condition. I assure you if you had to deal with the symptoms I do on a daily basis you would definitely believe "IT IS REAL". Do you truly think I make this up in my mind. I also guess the hallucinations I experience in mixed states aren't real either. I suppose the fact that I recently lost a woman I loved very much due to this illness is fake as well. I suppose I WANT TO live off $721 a month when I used to make upper five figures per year when I was well.. Sorry to seem rude but that is truly VERY offensive, I also do realize that opiates aren't the answer - I am looking for any type of medications that may have similar effects,
  11. I appreciate the comments about being honest with my Pdoc - however if I do that, with my past abuse issues I will have my Clonazepam prescription pulled and I am beyond not being functional without that medication. I also agree whole heartedly about the consequences. This is not something I plan to do forever. I have only done it three times in the last two weeks and have no plans of making it an ongoing thing at all. I do however desire the relief from symptoms that the opiates provide. I have been on so many medications it is not even funny. I do have another Pdoc appt coming up on the 22nd or 23rd of this month but I can't admit the relief opiates provide or else I will lose my benzo prescription. I also do understand fully the problems I am possibly creating which is why I came here, hoping someone who knows a thing or two about chemicals and how they bind, that might be able to recommend something I mention talking to my Pdoc about taking. I have had one suggestion so far for the relief from anxiety, which I appreciate. That is more or less why I am asking the questions I am asking. I know nothing about chemistry. I do however remember reading an article a long time ago, when I was very active in my opiate addiction, where a study was being conducted in the UK where patients were being given 10mg of ozycontin to help relieve depression. I don't remember if it said it was successful, still ongoing, or any of the other particulars. I just remember there was a study being done.I just tried googling it and was unable to find it though. This is the closest I have been able to find so far, http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/article.aspx?articleid=173886
  12. It actually doesnt help with the Mania - it helps more with the depression. It also does help immensely with my anxiety. The two other meds I'm on currently that help with anxiety are the Clonazepam and the Saphris has helped a lot too. What I have found is the Saphris knocked the shit out of my mania leaving me more or less with depression instead of being more manic. The mixed states have also calmed down immensely due to the Saphris. I have never heard of propranolol before - I will have to do some research on that Mainly the benefits have been lowered depression, less anxiety, and much much less paranoia ... AS far as mood stabilizers, I have found great relief from the depression side of things from Lamictal and great relief from the mania by taking Saphris. Dosage levels have been changed multiple times of both drugs to improve my state but I'm still in the best place I have been with my mood stabilization ever. However I am erring on the depressive side lately when I was mostly on the manic side all of my life.
  13. I understand what I am talking about is technically drug abuse. That being said all of my life I have been able to function normally when on opiates. Without them my bipolar has wrecked havoc on my life. I recently gave in again and have been taking vicodin and it has helped my Bipolar immensely. I am comfortable around people. My depression is lifted. I feel like I could work again. I feel functional. My psychotic symptoms disappear entirely. In other words, it is my cure. That being said I know it is a dangerous path I am on and I am also aware my tolerance will increase as time goes on. I know this isn't really the best answer for my problems. I am wondering from a chemical point of view what other types of medications would have a similar effect on the brain. For example, would this be likely due to a lack of dopamine ? I have tried both Wellbutrin and Zoloft and neither work. I have also tried numerous other Anti Depressants. Basically what I am asking for is with the symptoms I am seeing cured by the Vicodin, what type (or class) of medications would most likely be the answer to help restore my mental health. I miss feeling like this. I treat others properly. I have an interest in life. I am not so caught up in my self and how my illness runs my life. I truly feel normal. I am looking for the types of medication that may have a similar effect on me - not for people to come down on me for using Vicodin recreationally.
  14. Since accepting my diagnosis of Bipolar it has been a roller coaster of a ride, no pun intended. I find myself constantly trying new medications and I wonder at what point do I just accept the treatment I am receiving is the best I'm going to get ? There is no miracle drug for me and I just have to accept that. Does anyone else ever get to that point and how do you handle it ? Second question - I am on Lamicatal and I feel like I have entirely lost my personality. The saphris I don't believe does this and I know the klonpin doesn't - leaving me with the Lamictal. It's as if I am dumb, not quick on my feet. I realize part of my lost personality is me missing the manic outgoing me. I know I won't get that back if I want relative stability but I am sick of feeling like I have no personality at all . Anyone else experience this on Lamictal ? I can't change as I have tried all the other mood stabilizers and this is the only one that has worked for me.Any opiniions on this would be appreciated.
  15. Thanks system. Will have to talk to pDoc when I get back in. Wait time is around 2 months unfortunately though. I can't see taking benadryl during the day, too many of those and I get drowsy. Real drowsy.
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