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    Completely depends on my bp cycle

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  1. ive known this friend since I was twelve years old. she's seen me struggle with crippling anxiety my whole life and then she saw the bipolar start to take root. she was my best friend when I tried to kill myself..but shortly after that she dissapeared from my life. I was in an abusive relationship and. the lowest point in my mental illness so far and she just left. eventually she left me a message saying that she gets depressed to but that she manages to pull herself out of it. about a year later she sends me another message. I was more stable and out of that relationship but apparently she had married a man she barely knew and he was abusing and she was sorry and she didn't have anyone else who understand. thus our friendship was reinstated but she stills refuses to learn about bp. she changes the subject when I bring it up she wont let me explain what it even is to her but she is willing to tell me I need to get off my meds on a regular basis yesterday I was denied ssi for the third time and while I was crying not even an hour after I got the letter she says "well maybe now you'll get motivated and change your life yourself. there had to be a job out there where you dont have to talk to people" because she knows so little about what I go through that in her head having to talk to people is the only problem.. she went on to say that im letting this beat me and im this way because I wanna be I told her to educate herself now or our friendship is over. to my complete she says she will...possibly because shes so sure that she's right..but she asked me for interenet links. I cant let this be in vain. if I wanna save our friendship then I have to give her the right info. I dont know where to start though. so I thought I would ask if you had any ideas. I need something to spell out in black and white what bipolar is. maybe something showing the harsh statics then I need something maybe on how you cant compare people with bipolar to people with situational depression then something just laying out how crippling it can be something about why sometimes its a good idea for bipolar people to stay away from stress and not work maybe something thats very clear about what mania is and how it comes across at first sometimes that im doing better when im not of course anything at about the need for medication and anything that talks about how unhelpful telling me things like get motivated are. and how this isn't about a positive attitude. and now its not completely in my control maybe anything in general about how to be a good friend to someone with severe mental illness I obviously dont expect you to find this stuff for me I would just appreciate if you already have knowledge of some good places to look. I dont wanna mess up what will probably be my only chance to save this friendship and thank you to everyone that commented on my ssi denial post. I will go back and comment but I cant deal with it today.
  2. thanks everyone. my lawyer thinks we should appeal not just start over but if I run out of appeals can I still start over at the beginning? all of my doctors support this but from the decision letter it sounds like the judge isn't giving any weight to their opinions because sometimes the files say im feeling stable and sometimes they say im not..like it actually said "the opinionions of your doctors are given little weight do to inconsistencies" its called rapid cycling! I was hospitilized years ago and the letter claims this gives the judge reason to believe I haven't had significant levels of decompensation. but if it weren't for my mother being my caretaker I wouldn't have any place to go except either being hospitilized long term or just homelessness. I dont know how he could get things like homeschooling wrong besides just plain carelessness. I really dont understand any of this.
  3. the judge had on record that I was homeschooled UNTIL sixth grade not since..when i started homeschooling in middle school and continued through highschool due to anxiety..he has on record that I drive and says I have no credibility because I "lied" about it. I dont even have a clue why because I DONT drive. its on record that I stopped college because I couldn't afford it not because I flunked out..which is what really happened..my words have no credibility because there have been times when I didn't take my meds regulary which was a) four years ago and b) every bipolar person ever because thats a symptom of mania. my medical records are inconsistant because their are times when ive reported being more stable which to me only means im not suicidal or pyschotic and I dont want my meds messed with right now. and apparently im lieing about my ADD because I said reading was one of my daily activities and they actually said that my social issues aren't an issues because I reported having one friend and going to my grandparents once a week. and I cook my own meals sometimes and play with my dogs and that means I can hold a full time job for some reason. all of my doctors records that he had to have just flat out misinterepreted but the people who decide this have no experiance with mental illness and how saying im doing better one day and not good the next doesn't mean im lying it means im bipolar for gods sakes. thats the problem with this system they have people making decisions about medical issues after only having trained in law school. I bet if you ask one of those fucking judges to explain what bipolar disorder is they wouldn't get it right. yet they get to decide which ones of us get to not be homeless I feel like I dont have any hope left and my brain does this thing where it tries to comfort me by reminding me that if I run out of options I can just kill myself.
  4. thanks surreal ill try that. hopefully it wont make the anxiety worse if he doesn't approve much..
  5. thanks lavender I hope your right. im just imaginig the judge as cold and intimidating lol. it really does help alot thinking that my lawyer will actually be there for me
  6. its in person. thank you that helps about the lawyer. it would be amazing if I didn't have to talk much. is it normal when I do get get asked questions if it will the lawyer or judge that asks?
  7. I have my ssi hearing on Monday. im having constant panic attacks. im filing for bipolar 1 and anxiety. I have so little info on what to expect. I have a lawyer but I feel like he's barely worked with me. he's gathered files and everything but we've barely talked. im afraid it means he doesn't want to put the effort in because he doesn't think ill win and he wont get paid anyway. I just wondered if people who have gone through and live in the US can answer some questions. what if I cry or have a panic attack during the hearimg? I kind of think there is no helping it. does the judge get mad and think im wasting time? they say to come how you usually dress but ibe read stuff about not wearing jeans and t shirts. also one of things ive put a lot of emphasis on is my lack of hygene so what do I do there? if I come clean and polish will he not believe or if I come like usually am will he get mad that im not being respectful? im so scared I know its like an hour of my life but its so important and idk how to get through it...
  8. oh man I did not know it did this. do y'all think a gp would be more likely to prescribe prescription meds for the acne if its a side effect of a med I cant do without? is it a well known symptom or is she gonna act like im crazy for bringing it up?
  9. I know how you feel ive been cycling about once a week but the coming down doesn't feel like depression just exhaustion and recovery from everything I did while hypo. it doesn't help that ive been engaging in some irresponsible and unhelpful activity while hypo and its taking a toll physically. I hope you get through this rough patch and I know how hard it is to function in college while you're going through this.
  10. I liked it. it was over the top but you cant really have a show like that be subtle. if people got the subtlties of mental illness they would understand it just by observing us right? I think there are some really good quotes and there were parts of her mania I indentified with. it was actually bordering on triggery though. it has potential to both hurt and harm probably on an individual basis. im in a place where people around have no info at all and dont see it as a serious illness so from my view its helpful. and it was refreshing that it was from her point of view instead of just showing how we look from the outside like that stupid life time movie. my main complaint was the jazz music lmao. either way I think its good its in the media in a humanizing way.
  11. ive been having some hypo periods for a few days at a time on and off for a while now. anyways my meds only soften my symptoms they never really dissapear.
  12. trileptal has had basically no obvious side effects for me..which is a big deal because im super sensitive to side effects and have been through alot of meds because of it
  13. your experiance sounds very similar to mine. like you say its truely an addiction. it is so incredibly hard..way harder than someone who has never gone through it could understand..to break away from relationships like this. im glad you have good perspective on the situation and if your like things will become even more clear as you get more distance. I dont have much advice except that it does actually get easier..idk if it ever stops affecting you..someone who has had more time since their relationship would have to answer that. but it does get easier. I hope you have a good tdoc to help you through this and I hope that you can stay strong.
  14. I commented about paleo above and just wanted to add that I think the gluten free part of paleo is the most impirtant thing along with no processed foods and people who do get meat should try to get grass fed/ farm raised. another important part of paleo is getting rid of the all fat is bad fat. fat is actually a big deal for paleo people and they mostly get it from meat BUT there are several other ways to get healthy fat like eating a lot of avacados and cooking coconut oil. but I honestly think cutting out glutten has done the most for me.
  15. hmmm idk I think it might be more beneficial to work towards reducing the stigma and preventing employers from discrimination ( which is what is) then taking validity away from the trauma like Rosie said. which I think would be damaging to some people because a common factor in all mental illness is the need for validation. I feel like this could help certain people but the harm outweighs the benefits.
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