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Michai

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  1. i dont have to pay for psychiatrist. not anymore anyway. just let me talk about what i want and everything is fine. i havent broken the guidelines. ask a question but dont hold an expectation for answers. no one here is privileged enough. you can calm down. im very aware of this sites relation to schizophrenia.com and your affiliates. i wasnt saying i was special. i was saying what i do is activism. but DONT compare me to the people in the middle east even though i might be willing to die by the weaponry for what i believe in. i will not hurt anyone unless safety calls for it. i support guns and own them. like anyone else in my region.
  2. first of all read this first and read it correctly. the reason why i goto a psychiatrist - by NO means is it ANYONES business why i go. thats is absolutely nobodies business unless i choose to let it out. on the other hand you have a right to ask ME why i com HERE. but no business asking me why i goto a psychiatrist. thats above and beyond nosy. if you were a parent or a friend or a even a counselor id be happy to tell you. but a person on the internet. thats a no no. most people here probably go for one underlying reason. you do not know my life nor do you know my circumstances. now im just hoping some one person out of all you can understand that as i do try to respect guidelines here myself and have corrected myself when asked. i have every right to be here. NOW - why do i come here. because i want to. is that not good enough? i asked the medication question because i need REAL answers. i ask questions about my experiences because i need REAL answers. i can see people and forums being pro-med. anyone has a right to be how they want.theres always a dividing line between the public shunning the mentally ill for any reason they want but i hate to see those with mental illness shunning others with it too because they dont take meds. thats a tightknit clique within an already tightknit shunned area of society. something i hate to see. nonetheless it happens.
  3. i read all posts. i dont think ill be taking any meds. cant have them fucking up my life anymore. if its hospital again so be it. even if im put on meds in there ill be out in a week then i can get off again. apprecaite the posts you know. dont wanna take it. yea you know im not gonna lie and say im not bothered by how much the voices run up and down my cerebral cortex BUT the cons seems to outride the pros of medication. im young i had only one friend in life but it lasted a long time. they ended friendship with me a few years ago because i talked about day and night about people setting up shop watching my house. they just dont wanna hear truth. i hear voices YES some may not be there. but delusional? no. no. no.that i am not. but i am SO completely passionate about bringing down people. so completely passionate. only thing is people dont like how i tried to do it. thats their problem. inn the past year that i have tried i had 3 police arrests. one for disrupting a college and putting it on temporary standby until they roped it off and called police on me. listen to what im saying. THEY say its delusional when what IM doing is pure activism and SAFETY of me and my family and the american people. i am not by any means a dangerous person. plese kno this.
  4. just because i have a label doesnt mean that its still true. i dont believe im delusional. its just to shut me up. im very rational. more rational than anyone in this united states of america. i cant speak on people in the world. listen i TOLD my doctor i sent letters to news media. i told HIM they were framing me for murder on the east coast and in something local murder that happened. I TOLD HIM THIS. i was not afraid to tell him this. becuase he asked me a direct question so i was honest. im using caps on certain words to emphasize the importance. he said "you need a lot of reality testing" and then i said "im not delusional". he said "why do you believe this?" i said "BECAUSE IT HAPPENED I CALLED 3 POLICE IN 3 DIFFERENT CITIES". im really sorry. im not yelling at anyone here. that last caps in quotations is how i raised my voice at him but i didnt yell at him i said it firm and a bit louder. but there was no yelling. this is the kind of crap that partially makes me not want medicine. i dont NEED medicine to make me rational. im ALREADY rational. you have someone like me that has knowledge on society and politics and is persistant - you know what that equals? SCHIZOPHRENIA. fact. thats the same thing they did to african americans in the sixties.
  5. least crappy option sounds good. ...but still thinking overall about any med...
  6. 1 of the years that i did not take meds was bcuz i had no insurance and was living hotel to hotel for a bit before i was practically squatting in an empty home. (my parent and i were borderline homeless!)
  7. yea it is a waste of money but i have no choice. today he said he wasnt putting me in inpatient.
  8. i havent taken meds for a couple of years except for when in hospital and forced. yea idk about putting any med in my body right now thanks though. i read all the posts.
  9. idk i worry more about my physical health than mental health especially if its preventable :/
  10. just wondering.. i went to my psych today and he said my sypmtoms are very strong out of control. he put me on zyprexa. seriously worried about weight gain if i do decide to start medication again. ive gained weight on every AP ive ever been on even latuda. been on 8-9 diff meds. gained near 100 pounds with prediabetic symptoms on seroquel... dont think i should take zyprexa right?...
  11. i know im struggling - - - but think i have an obsession with my voices specifically. they seem to come and go whenever they want. i hear things outside of me. they mumble. they seem to comes from plants and my walls and other stuff... sometimes they say phrases or words. but i so bad want to know what they are trying to tell me! i heard one outside once and followed it 3-4 houses down at night and still couldnt find it. i hear ones inside of me. i know its not me beceause its different gender and different ages but they tell me things mostly harrassing me and taunting me. but then they try to tell me to explain things to them that idk anything about. they told me they have the philisophical explanation for seatbealts and how seatbelts will become antichrist by how they hold peoples bodies into solid sturdy fabrics. they told me i have ability to see mathetical equations in thin air like an invisible whiteboard. and that these equations hold the key answer to the future and the end of the world. and another one interviews me sometimes. i feel like if i say anything about how i truly feel ill be put in jail. like its a trap. sometimes i end up answering their questions anyway.
  12. i do this too. i did this my whole life. since i was a young child and all the way to now too. and it got worse as my illness worsened. i think in the beginnig it was a social anxiety thing. as i got older its a combination of that and paranoia. actually now too i feel i can literally fel someone physically taking and vaping one of my organs or nerve or vein or a peice of my brain by drawing it through my eyes like some sort of ...idk... it feels like that..
  13. yea actually i thought about it for an hour and asked others but it doesnt make sense. is a dopamine suppressor so anyway could feel that way. i think you are right eden its universal.
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