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About Sk8Punk49

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    Codename Only1
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  • Location
    Brookline, NH
  • Interests
    ummm....stuff? music. movies. ask me.
  1. when i went to school in boston, one of my favorite things to do was go on night walks. boston, being a pretty big city, is another one of those places that never sleeps. i'd see some pretty crazy shit around fanueil hall during the wee hours of the morning. of course, like everyone else, once word got out that i liked to traverse the mean streets people started telling me i'd get raped or kidnapped or mugged. never happened, but i guess it was enough for me to stop. still, there is nothing quite like a sky full of stars to clear the mind. even though the stars in the boston night are few and far between. regardless. as long as you're safe (don't go walking in bad neighborhoods alone, etc), i don't see any reason why nightwalking shouldn't be a form of relaxation. be careful, keep it up!
  2. i dunno if this thread is still relevant, but i thought i'd throw my .02 cents in. i was diagnosed as having petit mal seizures around the age of 11, after about a year or two of random, but increasingly frequent, periods where i would "blank out" and not remember what had happened in the last 10-20 seconds. once i was diagnosed, it was a fairly quick process to finding a med. the neurologist put me on zarontin, which i guess is a relatively routine med for epilepsy. it worked like a charm, and after a series of eegs it showed that i had completely grown out of the seizures by age 15. but i'm one of the lucky ones. i think the vast majority of people suffering from petit mal seizures ARE kids. my neurologist said it was a hormonal thing, so i'm guessing its a kid thing mostly. but these seizures can be real dangerous - i had one while riding my bike once, and almost rode off a 20 ft rocky cliff. scary shit. for awhile, they told me i might not be able to get a drivers license. but i did. like i said, i dont know if this thread is still relevant, and i know what works for one person might not work for another, but ask about zarontin. the taste is awful (i took it as a liquid), but the results were unmatched.
  3. ok, so this is going to sound pretty strange, but at my last therapy session, i made some offhand comment about being crazy. she stopped me and asked, with a totally straight face, "do you REALLY think you're crazy?" well, yeah. i mean, maybe i'm debasing those who are what some would refer to as truly crazy (schizophrenics, dissociative disorder suffers, etc.) i know this is a pretty touchy subject. but i really do feel crazy. i know i'm socially conscious and aware and i can put up a good front. but the truth of the matter is, deep down, i think i'm crazy. i've had "friends" tell me as much. even though i'm loathe to accept their opinions, i can't help but feel that they're right. i AM crazy. i even have a shirt that reads, "I have a black belt in crazy!!" obviously thats a parody, but i think its the truth. who's to determine if someone is actually crazy? doesn't being MI kind of precipitate craziness? or is "crazy" just another one of those perjorative words that we as the MI population should work to get rid of? i really don't know. i just want someone to tell me if i'm crazy or not. or does it not matter at all?... ...hannah
  4. well, i've been a smoker for over 4 years, so i definitely understand getting twitchy for a cigarette. however, i'm not sure thats what you're dealing with. it almost sounds like you're using butts as a remedy for anxiety. being restless and antsy seems more like mild anxiety than being addicted to cigarettes. how much do you smoke? i mean, is the smoking precipitating the anxiety? do you smoke then get anxious to have another one? or is the anxiety independent of the butts? its kind of like a chicken and egg situation, i think.
  5. i find that stupid goofy movies generally pick me up...my favorites are currently super troopers, anchorman and i heart huckabees (if i could only find a man like albert marchovski!) as far as MI movies go, girl,interrupted is the reigning queen. other favorites include donnie darko, mullholland drive, and lots of others. i love movies.
  6. i think its really good that you're articulating everything thats on your mind. i can relate to a lot of your beefs with your mom...unfortunately i too have feelings of strong dislike for my mother, and it makes me feel a little bit better to know that maybe i'm not the only one. maybe that will help you too. i dont think there's anything wrong with disliking your parents. as my therapist always tells me, they're just people. we tend to put them up on pedastals when we're younger, pretending that they're incapable of error or something, when in reality they're just a couple of people who happened to have a kid together. they're not perfect. and it sounds like you're learning that now. keep talking to us. we're here. ...hannah
  7. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BERNARD! I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. I think sometimes birthdays are bittersweet, because they're just another day closer to old age. at least thats how i feel. but there's no need to feel alone, cause we're here, ready to throw you a big-ass party CB style. i've got the ice cream, cake, and lotsa booze, so this should be a good one. how old are you, if i may ask? ...hannah
  8. what an interesting little topic... well, my first first time was with my sort-of then girlfriend. i was 18. i was sleeping over her house (her parents had no idea what we were doing - they thought we were just best friends). we were watching letterman on the sleeper sofa, and she just told me she wanted me. i fought her for awhile cause i really didn't think she was serious (she had kinda slutty reputation, and i figured she just wanted to experiment with chicks). i didn't want to be that person. besides, i was madly in love with her, and i wanted it to be real. but she finally wore me down, and we ended up doin the deed right there in her living room, with her mom and stepdad right upstairs. we went on to have some very interesting exploits later on in our relationship, but she turned out to be crazy. not crazy like you or me, but legitmately insane. needless to say i got out of that after awhile. but that was my first time with a girl. the first of many, many more times... my second first time was with one of my best guy friends. we had just spent all day mountain biking and went back to his house to shower and clean up before going out for the night. I was 19, i think (i know, way old and pathetic). anyways, we basically did it in the shower, while his entire family ate dinner downstairs. god, i'm such a slut. well, not really, but still. i think i have this "getting caught" thing. i dont know. regardless, it really sucked and lasted about 2 minutes (he's like 8 inches taller than me, which made things difficult). anyways, those were my first times. wow, too much detail? ouch. ...hannah
  9. oh i have also totally fallen for a CB-er, chica. i try to keep this under wraps for fear of outing myself as a loser. but the truth is, i dont think a relationship based on the internet ALONE can really work. i couldn't be with someone if they didn't live close by - i'd need to see them, be with them, etc. that said, i dont think there's anything wrong with a little crazyluvin'. ...hannah
  10. congrats on the decision, scatty! i know you can do it, especially if you're not a real heavy drinker. i think olga's right about the 4th of July thing. if its going to turn out to be a real riotous thing, you might want to plan something else ahead of time so you can scoot outta there whenever. i too actually just quit drinking, but for slightly different reasons. i never read my med labels (i know, i know, i just don't), so i had no idea if there were any interactions or anything. i'm not a heavy drinker myself, but after a few times of having a few drinks and getting violently ill, i went to the PCP to check it out. he then pointed out the incredibly obvious, which was that i'm on 3 different depression meds, and the sickness was probably a result of alcohol interaction. so no more drinking for hannah, unless i want to suffer the consequences by throwing up for the next 24 hours. not on your life. wow, sorry to hijack your thread. good luck! keep us posted. ...hannah
  11. i had petit mal epilepsy when i was younger (ages 11 to about 15), and i never knew i was having a seizure til i came out of it, and found everyone staring at me, as i'd missed a point in the conversation. anyways, it doesn't sound like absence seizure to me, but something else. i definitely recommend the EEG to pick up anything else, but i doubt you have epilepsy. is it like you're partially paralyzed? are you UNABLE to move? hmmm...just thought i'd throw my two cents in. hope everything works out... ...hannah
  12. what an interesting question. i think all of us would like to think our shrinks would be devastated, and if you're lucky enough to have heard that directly from your doc, you're one of the lucky ones. in reality, i think they probably accept that they may have to deal with the suicide of a patient at some point in their careers. they're professionals. if they're good, strong people, i'd hope that they would realize they did all they could (assuming they did), and that some people can't be fixed. i know this sounds like a pretty pessimistic viewpoint, but i think that's the way it is. a few months ago, i went to my regular tdoc appt. and found an ambulance, 3 cop cars and a fire truck at the office. turns out someone had tried to off themselves in front of their shrink. at the time, juliana (my shrink) made some comment like "it just reminds you of the situation you're working in" and that sometimes she forgets how fragile some people are. i dont know, but i would hope me killing myself would affect her somewhat. i dont know, because its hard for me to gauge other people's perceptions of me, if that makes any sense. besides, i'm madly in love with her, and it'd kill me to hurt her. danger, danger! anyways, i think most tdocs would go through some kind of grief process over the death of a patient, but i'd be worried if they felt too too bad, because i think it would indicate a relationship that differs from patient/doctor, you know? i don't know. i think i'm just envious of all those who have really close relationships with their therapists. ...hannah
  13. i know you've had a lot of responses about this, but i thought i'd share my experiences too. abilify is my wonder-drug. before i started it, almost a year ago, i had severe med-resistant BPII with really harsh lows. pdoc and i tried everything under the sun (lamictal, prozac, wellbutrin, etc). after about a month on each one, i would almost develop an immunity to it, and the symptoms would return. but i've found that abilify allows me to keep my wits about me (on lamictal i felt completely drugged) as well as keep my emotional balance. of course, your results will vary, as you already know, but i think its definitely worth mentioning to your pdoc, if you'd like to try it. its worked wonders for me. ...hannah
  14. wow, thank god you're okay. car accidents are always so scary, even if everyone is ok. i know next to nothing about this, but it seems to me that if he ran a red and hit you, its pretty clear-cut that its his fault. hopefully the cops did their job and talked to witnesses and whatnot. i think the whole "driving without insurance" thing is a different category. i dont know though. let us know. did they give you any fun painkillers at the ER? hehehe, just kidding... ...hannah
  15. hey angeljasmine...i sincerely hope you're feeling better. i, and pretty much everyone here, knows what its like to feel so depressed that even showering is a chore. of course, we don't know exactly what you're going through, but we've got a decent idea. anyways, i just wanted to say that no matter how badly you're feeling, hurting yourself won't help. i've never really been a cutter, but i have experimented before, so i know what you mean about that release...aside from that, just think its a bad idea. i know i'm not making much sense, but i really hope you decide to hang around here for awhile. i think it could help you a lot. i know people here have helped me tremendously. i wish you the best, and keep us posted!
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