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About Iris

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  1. Oh man, do I EVER relate to this. My husband has had to deal with SO much shit from me over the years. Looking back, I can't believe all of the stuff I put him through, and yet he stays married to me and claims to love me more than ever, lol. Hard to believe. Back when things got really bad between us (about 3 years ago) he actually went to NAMI and took a class for spouses of BPers. On his own. Just because he wanted to learn. It was probably the most significant and meaningful thing he's ever done for me. Of course, at the time, I was acting like a complete idiot and doing terrible thi
  2. There is no way I could talk to my family about my BP. My mom knows, but my dad has no clue. He doesn't believe in mental illness... well, he does, but people who are mentally ill are locked up, so... I don't talk about it. I've found more support online than anywhere else. That's why I keep coming back to these kinds of places. They have really saved me.
  3. Ah... sweet denial. My parents have done the same. They refused to talk to me about any of the bigger things, such as sex, such as self-esteem, etc. They told me that sex was bad and if I did it before I was married then I was a bad person. And of course, I couldn't be a bad person. So when I was 16 and had no self-esteem and a really cute guy paid attention to me, I went on a date with him one night, and he raped me raw. Bleeding, bruising, screaming, crying... the whole deal. But I couldn't tell my parents, no. Because having sex before you are married makes you a bad person. So I kept my mo
  4. I have 3 tattoos: One on my inner right ankle, one on my abdomen and another one I JUST got on the small of my back. I love them. The one on my abdomen is all distorted and crazy looking, because back when I was 17 and got it done, I really wasn't thinking about having a baby, so.... not a great idea. lol. The one on my ankle I like a lot and I LOVE the one I just got. I'm a teacher in the public schools and I can hide my tattoos very easily. When it's nice outside and I'm wearing shorts/skirts you can see the one on my ankle, but nobody has ever said anything to me about it at work, which
  5. I used to have HORRIBLE panic attacks, and my pdoc told me to stop what I'm doing and take a few deep breaths... try to talk myself down as much as possible. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I still get them on occasion, but not nearly as often as I used to. At one point, I was almost afraid to leave the house... they were happening so often... I think a good pdoc and meds have helped me quite a bit.
  6. I like Lamictal for the most part, except that the aftertaste is EL YUCKO. Yikes. I try to take it with a ginormous swig of water so that it doesn't rub up against my tongue or throat for too long. lol. GRODY. It's really helped my mania a lot... though I miss my mania. *sigh*
  7. If it was a close friend of mine, I'd be pissed as well. I mean, even without an invite, at least TELL me you got married, you know? It IS a big deal. Put some laxatives in her champagne. lol... no, don't... I mean, I don't endorse any torture of friends. ever. well, sometimes...
  8. From what I understand, Lamictal is not meant to treat acute mania and/or mixed states. Seroquel and Zyprexa are great for that, and Lithium has worked wonders for many, but sucked for me. Zyprexa and Seroquel will knock your ass out cold (or should) and at least get you back to some level of stability fairly quickly. Lamictal is more for regulating in the long-term, or so my pdoc says.
  9. Damn. That's quite a story. I really believe that financial difficulty is one of the most stressful things out there. For the first 5 years of our marriage, my husband and I had to deal with barely making ends meet. And that's WHEN we stuck to the budget. I don't think he bargained for marrying a bipolar shop-a-holic who regularly blew the rent/mortgage on shoes, clothes and handbags (and by the way I looked FANTASTIC... but still)... anyway, it's only now after finally stablizing and a LOT of hard work, that we are finally on our feet. During the time that the finances were horrible, it seeme
  10. Hi... As someone who's been through a lot of unwanted shit with men, let me advise you to do what will inevitably be the most difficult thing you ever do: make a clean break from this guy. I've found that sometimes there is really no other way to move forward than to let the past go completely. At first it sucks. But... if you can surround yourself with people who can constantly remind you how special and amazing you are, eventually you'll be able to move on. Sometimes you really can't do it on your own... Do you have any close girlfriends that you can talk to? If I were you, everytim
  11. Thanks! I really like it here so far!
  12. Hey there... In another thread, people were discussing how/when we were diagnosed with our various disorders. I'm Bipolar. My father was/is also bipolar. He was never medicated. Looking back, I see that the effect of the BP my father had has had a huge impact on my relationships with men. I can't imagine having a closer or more loving relationship with my father. He is an amazing man. He's been through so much... a WW2 veteran. He was 50 when I was born, and he was always there for everything I ever did as a child... he is STILL there for everything I have done as an adult. Thing is
  13. I was diagnosed officially w/ BP when I was 24 years old. I grew up in a house with a father who was BP but he was never formally diagnosed, and even if he HAD been, he'd have never taken meds or gone to counseling. No way. In college I started getting panic attacks and after many months went to the school therapist, who sent me to the campus doctor... who gave me Paxil. I had HORRIBLE side effects on Paxil, including horrible leg tremors, sexual side effects, didn't sleep for a few days, etc. but eventually the panic attacks went away. However, being only on an anti-depressant made
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