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Everything posted by WhenItsQuiet

  1. Hi all! As of lately, I've been experiencing some fairly concerning side effects, and would appreciate any feedback/insight that anyone may have. I'll try to be as concise as possible, as to avoid confusion (as though mental health isn't a freaking never ending puzzle with a piece missing). I currently take Effexor XR 75mg, usually around lunch time. In addition, the only medications I take are birth control (Tri-Sprintec), and the occasional GummyVite. I never miss my medication, nor screw them up. I've been on the birth control forevr, and on Effexor for about two months, since switching to it from Celexa. For the first month and a half, I was living the good life, completely symptom free. Then, out of nowhere, I started getting these head rushes roughly every 2 minutes, for periods of hours at a time. The best way I can describe them is comparable to that slightly scary feeling you get when sitting upright too hastily after sleeping. It feels like a sudden rush of blood to my head, which almost propels me forward, and makes me hyper aware of my head for that second. This happens every few minutes..for a few hours..yeah, its quite the disturbance. With this, I also feel extremely dizzy. In addition, I sometimes feel an intense jolt of anger for absolutely no reason. I tend to have fairly decent self-awareness, and try not to supress anything. I have never experienced anything like this prior to now. I will literally be having a wonderful day, and one second, I will become spontaneously raging, usually directed toward someone, like a co-worker, or boyfriend. Needless to say, this isn't exactly good for the whole "being a normal person" bit. Now, these little fits of rage last for roughly an hour, and dissipate with my efforts to think of positive things, or otherwise occupy myself. Has anyone else ever experienced these types of symptoms? Perhaps on other medications? Help! I'm going crazy here (hehe, see what I did there?)
  2. Hi there, I just wanted to add some insight to this conversation, especially regarding my own personal experiences regarding this topic. First, I've never been one to hide my scars (most are on my legs and arms), and I've found that most people won't ask, or will accept the standard (I'm very clumsy) response. Although my SI scars are fairly obvious (due to OCR-esque need to cut all lines parallel), most people don't really want to broach the topic. So, with that being said, I haven't found too much struggle with clothing choices. I do understand feeling ashamed of your scars, as it is quite the battle of the mind at times. However, my advice is..remember that everyone is just as full of shit as you are. We're all just here in this big mess of a world, trying to do the best we can. Those who appear to "have it all" may, in fact, be struggling with some pretty heavy stuff as well. We are all human, and we all make mistakes sometimes, and sometimes, we don't know how to cope..but we are all wonderful, beautiful, and a gift in one way or another. lifequake, and everyone else, i'm sure, has contributed something awesome to the world, although we may not even be aware of it. As for sexual partners, well, I've found that most don't really notice. I've had "the talk" with three previous partners, all of whom were fairly serious at the time, and they have all responded in rather positive ways. Although they may not have understood SI completely, they were all always sensitive to the topic. Perhaps you may not feel comfortable sharing those things from the beginning, I think that when you start to build an intertwined relationship with someone based on things deeper than merely sexual feelings, you may be wonderfully surprised with the outcome of "the talk". Best of luck to you. Just know that we are all in the same boat, and I wish you success in all of your endeavors
  3. Hi all, I'm hoping someone can provide me with some feedback regarding my current situation. Right from the start, I do apologize if the post is graphic in nature, but I am attempting to be as concise and honest as possible, and am having a difficult time discerning whether my current mental status has more to do with change of medication versus environmental circumstances. I have switched from Celexa to Effexor 75mg, and have been on it for about a month now, without ever missing a day. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder many years ago, although Depression-esque symptoms seem to parallel my anxiety, and have decided to switch from Celexa, as I was still having symptoms. How/what do I feel? Well, within the last month, I've been feeling anxious almost constantly, and have had episodes of stabbing pains in my chest every so often. I haven't passed out, but I have had difficulty breathing/weight on chest. At various times, my thoughts and worries seem to almost swirl throughout my mind, and everything going on in my life appears to be catastrophized in my head. I most often am consumed with insecurities about career/relationship/appearance, and always seem to feel completely isolated. I'm very avoidant of just about everyone these days, and find myself completely frazzled and stressed out by mere interaction with my clients (I work in a highly stressful mental health outpatient center and have a degree in Psychology, go figure). I find myself having outbursts of anger, and even the simplest things set me off sometimes, causing an unexplainable sense of anger, and desire to physically act upon this anger. Speaking of which, after over a decade of off/on self-injury, I have returned to my frequent patterns of cutting, burning, and peeling off my finger nail. I've always had some eating disorder tendencies (limiting intake, bingeing when emotionally unstable followed by hating myself, obsessing over exercise, vomiting, etc), but throughout the past three weeks or so, I've been obsessed with looking at "thinspiration" photos, and eating no more than 500 calories per day. What potential environmental triggers do I have? Well, I live alone in an apartment I can barely afford. I'm terrible with money and always struggling. My father's alcoholism has gotten out of hand lately, and he is getting sued by a client. My full time job makes me spread so thinly that I can't even go pee without 10 clients following me to tell me what they need from me. I'm also a full time student in culinary school, which requires a lot of travel, dedication, and time running around the kitchen. My boyfriend of pretty much forever won't move in with me because he's "not ready", and has a son, spending the majority of time caring for him at his ex-girlfriend's house, who barely knows I exist. Also, his best friend just died. My best friend just got married, got her PhD, and a fabulous life. Anyway, so after all of that..I guess everything just seems to always be a struggle. Nothing can ever just be, nothing can ever just come easily, and I certainly can't just catch a break. Now, should I stay on the Effexor, and blame my recent slip-ups as a result of environmental stressors, or should I already disregard the Effexor, and try something else? Anyone want to take this hot mess on? I truly appreciate feedback..
  4. Thanks for the responses everyone. As we tend to be our own worst enemies sometimes, perhaps a swift kick in the arse is needed in my case Anyway, it is just really nice to know that there are people out there in the world who can relate. Mental illness tends to be very isolating, and thus, I feel that this site brings back that sense of humanity and community. Once again, thank you to everyone. I really look forward to contributing to this site in any was possible, and being involved.
  5. Hello all, I am not quite certain if anyone reads these introductions, and I don't particularly care for talking about myself much, but I suppose this has become the safest outlet to speak (or type) words that have not been admitted previously. Perhaps hiding behind a computer screen isn't the best testiment of bravery, but it is all I have..for now. Without further ado, here are the only things I am certain about these days: 1. I am currently 2 months shy of my 27th birthday, and have been hurting myself for 13 years, in various cycles of frequency. I mostly self-injure on my arms and hands, although I do sometimes venture to the torso, ankles, and other spots in order to throw off any possible suspicion. It is a disgusting dychotomy to trace over old scars in admiration, while other times feeling disgusted by them. Although I don't go out of my way to hide it from those "close" to me, they don't ask. I often wonder if they notice, not that I'd want them to anyway. It is my little secret, it is the only thing that brings moments of serenity when everything else is so loud. 2. I have severe anxiety. I am currently on 10mg Celexa, as my PCP mentioned that "these days, I'd be worried about someone who didn't have anxiety." I'm not quite certain what his angle was, but I'd say that the everpresent heaviness in my chest is a little more than "life-related stress". I know I should go to a Psychiatrist, I've been many previous times, but my healthcare coverage sucks, and they tend to be insanely easy to lie to anyway. I suppose that it one of the only uses I have found for my BA in Psychology degree. I experience the full monty of panic attacks, along with chronic nightmares, and an intense fear of everything that I love being taken away from me on a daily schedule. 3. I have a fairly extensive history of events that continue to haunt me. I've begun writing a memoir detailing my teenage years, filled with binge drinking, cocaine dependency, sexual deviancy, and everything else that would make a good Christian blush. Beyond that, I've made crucial mistakes as an adult, unable to hide behind the guise of not knowing any better. I've been a cheater, a thief, a liar, a disgrace, and I've caused my fair share of pain in the world, including to those whom I love. 4. The world tells me that I am beautiful, but only one person in the entire world has ever made me actually believe that, if even for a mere moment. The more that people focus on my physical appearance, the more I begin to dismantle it. Yet, here's the kicker, I still seek approval. I've put myself through the gamut of eating disorders, from vomiting in a plastic bag in the car, to eating nothing for days at a time. No morsel of food goes into my mouth without some sort of feeling attached to it, whether it be guilt, shame, disgust, solace, comfort, or greed. Hunger never really has anything to do with it. 5. My father is an alcoholic. My mother is co-dependent and enabling. My brother is caught in the middle. I mean, who's family isn't totally dysfunctional these days? Still, there's a plethora of shit there. I understand that there is so much more strife in the world, and that millions of people suffer atrocities daily. However, I find it impossible to get out of my own head sometimes, where being a prisoner to oneself seems like a fate worse than those we traditionally pity. I'm not certain if speaking of these things will bring me peace, but I wasn't going to get any work done today anyway. May as well waste company time. More to come.
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