Bipolar_Flower

Thank you Gibson! Yea it's not the meds. I've done this since I was 2-3 so it's not recent behavior. I'm just getting curious about it lol I do it both when I am stressed and excited. I guess it's not tourettes because while I do it a lot, I also listen to music a lot. Music=stims but otherwise I don't do it like a constant thing-except when I drink caffeine (I'm caffeine sensitive lol) and I've been doing that a lot lately too. Things make much more sense now! Again thanks Gibson!

Just when my therapist had become my best friend we talked on the phone.... she told me she thinks I'm 100% healthy and just have issues because of being severely neglected as a baby no bipolar no nothing. And then she said she had other patients with bipolar who really just had emotional issues and she had them slowly get off their meds. I wanted to cry. I felt so cheated and misunderstood. All this time she didn't get it. MY MOTHER NEGLECTED ME FOR A REASON. She has mental illness I know because I've met her. It's genetic. I cried when I got off the phone. I felt like all these months were wasted. I was so hurt. I have suffered clinical depression I have suffered MANIA. I have suffered from aspergers my whole life. And all these things-are meaningless to her. I just feel heartbroken.... Every and I mean EVERY other mental health professional I've met has known I had at the very least depression and some form of social issue. I went back to my old therapist from when I was 13-the one who originally diagnosed me with aspergers. He is very sweet to me and understanding. I don't understand why i viewed him as a monster when I was younger. He gets that what I have is real. Hes the one who first diagnosed me with anything other than stereotypies and ADHD. He gets me. He understands. I'm happy to be seeing him again.

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. *hugs* Welcome to crazyboards! I'm Mileena. I suffer from mainly bipolar and aspergers. I hope you enjoy it here!

This could have been worded better if you didn't mean to be rude. Because that is how it comes across. Plus, this thread is not yours alone: other members learn things when they read it. So we like to give as complete answers as we can. Oh I'm really sorry I wasn't trying to be rude. I didn't mean for it to be.

As you can see in the previous post I made (Well actually I gave the wrong age) when I was 13 I was diagnosed with aspergers but rejected the diagnosis. I stopped seeing the therapist due to financial issues at the time (I think it had to do with insurance) so only my school knew which I started isolating myself from people and stopped attending and getting independent study-excuse used was mental illness. And I kept it a secret from my psychiatrist and my new therapist didn't know... Till now. And now so does my psyche. This actually explains my bullying filled childhood. And also why I say the wrong thing in conversation. And so many other things. I once asked this girl who came up to me "Are you gay?" Because I'm gay and wearing a gay pride glove and she just randomly came up to me. And nobody ever came up and talked to me before that day. So I figured it was a reasonably question to ask. She laughed and said "Wow that was really blunt." I was embarrassed. I awkwardly introduced her to my own friends. I didn't know that wasn't something you did. I didn't realize it at the time but I realize now how uncomfortable she was. I was just so awkward the entire conversation. I stopped going to school shortly after so that friendship didn't last-lol like it had a chance. Also in the NOS section you'll see I made a post about tourettes. But now I'm thinking.... maybe it's stimming? Can someone explain stimming to me? I flick my thumb and index finger against each other with my other fingers pointing up and moving when there is stimuli. I also pace when I listen to music-I can't sit when I do it it's too much. Anyone?

Yesterday was hard for me... and today is no better. I was going to cut myself but then I talked myself into getting drunk instead to get rid of the pain. so I had drunken half a frozen cocktail and was going to drink some of my dads beers but stopped myself and waited a few hours to call my mom. I'm in so much pain right now. It hurts. Nothing that used to is bringing me joy. I want to cry. What do I do. I started taking my meds again 2 days ago. But I'm still hurting. I was even depressed before I forgot to take my meds for 3 days. Idk what to do. I can't take this. I haven't felt this bad in a while. I don't want to go back to this. Help me? What do I do? Any ideas?

Hello Charles. I'm Mileena! Yes my real name is finally out there people lol. Named after a Mortal Kombat character (Yes my birth dad-I'm adopted-is a video game lover lol). My diagnosis' are also in my signature. It's nice to meet you! I hope you like it here!

Wait what? I was not trying to be rude. What was rude?

I have this problem right now. It's been 3 days since I've taken my meds-earlier I thought was having like a simple partial seizure or something but I realized it was withdrawal. And when I forget once. I'll probably do it again. It starts a pattern. This isn't the first time the past 2 months I've done this-well first time it was a total of 3 days in a row.

You guys seemed to have missed a post. I said I realized I haven't take my pills in 3 days and I'm just having withdrawal. I need to take them tonight. I also said I still wanted to hear about what's it's like to have a seizure (As I've never fully understood). I know these aren't seizures. My childhood ones who knows what they were and I honestly don't care as they don't affect me now-the one I just had was just withdrawal. It was a scary feeling.

LOVE IT. It keeps me most stable. I tried 2mg of that Risperdal stuff and... I went psychotic manic. It did NOTHING to help. Nope I'm sticking with my Abilify.

Actually that was completely unrelated lol. I thought while I was at it I would look for what was causing the scary feeling. Till I realized I was off my meds for 3 days. Oops.

I just remembered.... I haven't taken my meds in 3 days. D: Oops. This is probably withdrawal. Oh well I'd still like to hear what it feels like to have a seizure.

Also I used to suddenly get dizzy, fall (Like for real fall), and have the same sensation only a little different and my vision would blur and I'd become unresponsive. I have not done this in a while but I was wondering if that's a seizure. Is it? And a few times as a little kid I remember blanking out and suddenly gain back consciousness and I had wandered away from school. Is that a seizure? Also once I went blind for a short time. Everything was white. And felt vibrations through out my body. I would like to add though I was anorexic then and had overdosed on this yucky laxative tea (It was called Cali Girl Dieters tea or something). Would this be a seizure? I just want to know if they were or not.

I felt this wave of sensation come over my body and I felt suddenly light on my feet. I almost fell because I got a little disoriented. I felt this anxious feeling in my chest. It was a scary feeling. I keep trying to research what these are. They started 2 months ago. They are not a constant feeling and they happen like 1-2 times a week. Is this a type of seizure? What's a seizure like? Should I seek help seizure or not seizure? P.S. Pardon my ignorance. I don't understand seizures. My dad had them when he was a kid but he's sleeping right now so I can't ask him.