Hi I am a 21-year-old girl, and I experienced a psychotic
break back in the beginning of September when I was still 20. I was diagnosed with drug-induced
psychosis. I am now on the
anti-psychotic Fanapt (4mg/day) and the anti-depressant Lexapro (15mg/day).
I first started smoking when I was in high school, the
summer into my sophomore year. I
only smoked about once a week throughout high school, but I preferred drinking
over smoking. This continued when
I began college, where I rarely smoked weed my freshman year and instead got
drunk multiple times per week. The
summer into my sophomore year of college, I began smoking weed about every day
(I was influenced by friends and a guy) and I experienced my first acid trip at
a Phish concert. I had an
incredibly wonderful time as I was with my two best friends and my guy. Later that summer I tripped on acid
again, two times in two days at a music festival. Again I had a very pleasant experience.
I smoked pot about two times a week when I returned to
school in the fall. That winter
break I went to another Phish concert on New Years Eve. That night I had a horrifying trip that
would be extremely scary at moments and then pretty good at other moments, with
the scary parts sneaking up on me throughout the night. I threw up that night twice while
tripping, and I also got snapped at by a friend’s dog, which while tripping,
looked like a monster was trying to eat me. Later that week, I experienced what I believed was a
flashback, but instead of a dog trying to snap at me, I imagined my boyfriend
snapped at me when he hadn’t. I
thought I was going crazy and when I returned to school I had a hard time and
did poorly in my classes. I kept
overanalyzing everything and couldn’t understand why the bad trip had
happened. I was down to smoking weed about
three times a week while at school.
When summer came around I was in much better spirits, and
was smoking weed almost every day again.
I went to a music festival and tripped acid for the first time since the
bad trip, and I had a wonderful time.
At moments while tripping, I thought that I heard someone calling my
name, but no one was. I also
tripped again two times in two days at a different music festival later in the
summer. At this festival, I
started believing that everything was happening for a reason and that
everything was already planned out for me. I remember thinking to myself that if anyone had DMT, I
would smoke it, and right after having that thought, someone popped up and said
they had some, but I ended up not accepting their offer. As the summer continued more weird
coincidences were happening that were freaking me out. I was fishing at camp one day, and when
I would have a good thought, I would right away catch a fish, and I thought the
universe was trying to send me messages.
When I went back to school that fall, more weird things
happened. I needed a hat to work
at a food co-op, and I randomly found a great hat on the floor, which I thought
I manifested with my mind. Then,
one night I took one and half pills of a pain killer mixed with alcohol, and
the next morning I woke up thinking I was completely crazy. I researched schizophrenia online, and
noticed that one of the symptoms was hearing your name. I immediately thought not only was I
schizophrenic, but that I was at a college where we were supposed to find out
what mental disorder we had and that having schizophrenia meant I was a person
of the future and had special powers.
Later that night, I went to a concert with a friend, where I
drank and smoked a lot. I went to
an after party, where I had the choice of staying and meeting the band, or
leaving with my ride. I chose the
former, and stayed with a friend.
My friend was my best friend’s ex boyfriend, and we started cuddling a
little, and I started getting the paranoid thought that he had planned this
encounter. The morning came, and a
violent movie was playing on tv, and I suddenly thought I was in a killer’s
house. Our ride wasn’t coming for
another hour or so, and I called my parents and my old boyfriend saying how
scared I was. My parents came to
pick me up and brought me to a hospital, where I was released after a few hours
because I explained I just wanted to try a few drugs for research purposes.
My parents left me at school and went back home, but the
next few days I went a little bit crazier. I was walking to class, when a large burst of wind came by
and I felt as though the wind was telling me to not go to class. I then thought that there were going to
be bombs on campus, and I ran back to my apartment. I went to a meeting that night for a club I was in, and when
my friend said, “It’s hot in here,” I immediately thought we were all going to
be in an oven and burn. I ran out
of the meeting and ran around the main street.
I decided to run to the metro, and get as far away from the
city as possible. I hopped on a
school bus with some kids I met at the metro stop, smoked weed with them, and
ended up in another state. I left
the kids at a diner we had stopped at, and called my sister who lived nearby to
pick me up. I was extremely
paranoid at this point, and I thought that people at the diner were going to
try to kill me. When I got to my
sister’s apartment, I thought that at midnight we were all going to turn into
uncontrollable animals and that I would try to hurt my sister. I could not sleep because I also
thought that the friend from the concert was trying to cut off my limbs in a
parallel world that I would wake up to if I fell asleep. I stayed up all night, and in the
morning when they tried to take me to the hospital, I started running around
naked, and took a dump on my sister’s bathroom floor as a symbol of
protest. Eventually an ambulance
was called, and I was brought to the hospital, where no drugs were found in my
I was brought back to my home state, and entered into a
psych ward where I was put on Risperidol, but was changed to Abilify after my
prolactin levels went up. I was
still having delusional thoughts and was hearing messages through the tv and
the radio even after I was released from the hospital. I was brought back to the psych ward
because I was having incredibly excruciating migraines and threatened to kill
myself. I was then put on Fanapt,
and finally stopped having delusional thoughts around mid-October. Because I was upset about no longer
being able to return to the school I was at and feeling as though I had lost my
social skills, I was put on Lexapro in January to deal with my depression.
The Lexapro seems to be working and I am no longer having
suicidal thoughts. I will begin to
be weaned off the Fanapt around the end of May, and I am applying to schools in
my home state to return to in the fall.
I know that I want to smoke weed again, but my psychiatrist says there
is a chance I would go back into my psychotic state. I don’t feel delusional now, which I had been even the few
months prior to the actual break, so I’m not sure if that would be the result.
Anyway, I wrote this all just to introduce myself to the
forum, and maybe hear from people who have had similar experiences. I’d also like to know if anyone had a
psychotic break and continued to smoke pot after no longer having psychotic
symptoms and what happened to them. Thanks for reading!
tl;dr: a couple of acid trips along with smoking a lot of pot led me to experience drug induced psychosis, so I ran away from college and am now back in my home state. I am recovering while taking fanapt, lexapro, and figuring out which school to go to while debating if I can ever smoke pot again.