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    in the forests of the night
  • Interests
    literature, scifi, fantasy, photography, birds, random knowledge.

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  1. My therapist takes notes, but usually while looking at me, and it's just a few words, and her way to process things + be able to go back to it more easily later if needed. Weirdly it never bothered me, mostly because it really does not feel like she gives much attention to it. I've never felt she was listening less because she was writing, quite the opposite, if that makes sense? Like she is listening with enough attention to "grab" the important things and writing them down and process them, and she is not just.... passively listening? I'm sorry the adjustment to the new therapist is less than easy
  2. Sure. For me the main thing is distraction: mostly playing games on my phone, i have a selection of games specifically for that, that i can still play when anxious but are absorbing enough for me to actually shift out of the anxiety: so, for me, with simple mechanics, but time limit, I really like Alto's Odyssey for that. Breathing for me has never worked well, because it seems to trigger more anxiety (paying attention to my breath = omg, I am sure I am not breathing well, what is this sensation in my throat, etc.) I try to find a quiet spot to sit and just play for 10 or 15 minutes (last time was in a store and a salesperson came to check if I was okay X.X) Not sure whether it helps or not, but... here it is!
  3. I haven't gotten a full blown anxiety attack in a long time, as a child I got to the ER several times for that reason... not anymore. At the moment, I only get "beginnings of an attack": hear pounding, dizziness, hands tingling, erratic breathing, hot/cold flashes, but if I take the right steps, it fades before becoming too scary.
  4. Hello hello, So, right now, I am struggling with feeling someone is abandoning me/has done it/will do it, and it's the worst thing ever. Great way to activate my infamous "borderline" traits. I am really struggling to not just withdraw from the relationship, stop ... being present, to avoid the hurt of losing someone. I know it's not a great way to deal with it (because then... I will definitely lose that friend). I was hoping to find some advice/some DBT skill, or something that would address that issue specifically? "how to deal with the terror/pain of maybe losing someone without just "leaving first"? What do you do?
  5. I have thoughts which my tdoc, or others, tend to classify as "depressive", and I should not believe them. How many times have I heard it "don't believe it, it's the mental illness speaking", "it's one of the old records".... But.... what if it's not? I mean, the "I will never have the lifestyle I am used to (because my parents are wealthy), which means I'll have to give up on many things that have been part of my self-care for years (therapy,eating fancy food,...)". Are these things essential? No. But I am already miserable with all this to help make life less painful, so... how will I do? Because I won't have a "good" job like my parents. I can barely handle the stress of working in a bookstore... and I don't have any useful skill. And... there was this one "dream" of what I wanted to do with my life (in terms of job), and... it's obvious I can't do it, and probably won't ever be able to do it, because it requires an emotional stability and resilience I don't have. So yeah. What if there is really mostly misery in my future?
  6. Hi! I just got a case worker. It had been recommended for me to apply to get one, so i tried. She is nice, and wanting to help but... I have no idea what to tell her, how to "use" her? I have never had one, and I don't know what I'm supposed to tell her, what kind of help she provides.... (And of course, I feel I am too functioning to have one, so I think she will disappear). For those of you have have/have had case workers, what do they do? what do you tell them? (I mean, what kind of things) Thank you
  7. Update: staying at the er tonight. Take care all

  8. Thank you for keeping us posted.
  9. Hello! Just wondering whether anyone here is interested in bird photography and could give me some advice? I currently have a Sony alpha30, which is... old (10 years or so), and some of the buttons are not working anymore, making the settings very slow. Nothing awful, but it makes it harder to actually take pictures of birds which are not totally still for 20 minutes... And it would cost me more to fix it than to get a new camera. I have some lenses, one 50mm 1.8 that I love and a 18-70 mm and a 55-200mm which I use now. The issue is... from what I've seen, Sony does not make "entry level" DSLR anymore. And very few affordable lenses above 200mm. So: - do I switch to another brand? but then.... I probably won't be able to use my current lenses much. - what kind of lenses do I want? I've read everything "anything below 400mm is worthless for birds" to "use a teleconverter" to "never use a teleconverter". Any recommendation? Knowing that obviously, I don't have much money for it, so I will definitely buy second-hand, not the latest models, and not the best ones.
  10. The active noise-cancelling ones sort of do that, but, at least with mine, you still hear some things, just much less, and less loud and it is AMAZING. I ended up getting the Bose ones, and love them. They are comfortable (I usually spend hours wearing them almost every day) and work perfectly for that use.
  11. Thank you for all the suggestions, I will try them! I used to write after therapy, but I have been kind of... avoiding doing it because I feel too ashamed about everything I said/did in therapy But I suppose avoidance very RARELY helps. So I will try to do it again. I like the idea of recording notes, it might be easier. I will try some of your ideas. Walking for 3 to 5 hours seems to help to get back to myself and improve my mood but it takes time! I wish my tdoc would do notes, but I don't think I'll ask, I feel too needy. Thank you all.
  12. Thank you for the replies. I have made progress, even though I can rarely see exactly a "I've done A in therapy, so B is happening", but yeah. I have just started talking about a new topic that is very shame-full, more than I expected, and after the last 2 sessions I've felt down and almost sick for a few days from all the shame-repercussions it has everywhere. I wish I knew what to do, even just for now rather thanin general, to feel better and be more functional. It slows me down. Sorry I am whining.
  13. I guess I just want to know whether... everybody feels the same way I do after therapy, and how you handle it. Almost every time, I leave exhausted to the point of shaking a bit, especially if I have "frozen" a lot during the session. My brain feels all blurry, floating, and it takes time to "reintegrate myself/reconnect with myself" (usually the cold air helps). And then I just feel physically tired/almost painful from all the shame/fear. And, usually later, I get stuck with negative thoughts and feelings, from which I want to hide, because it usually sounds a lot like my mother telling me how I'm bad and should shut up and everything I say in therapy is "bad" because i should just stop letting myself have these emotions/make them exist by thinking about them. Anyway, I just feel stupid/bad. I don't know how to avoid this, it is not too bad, but I often waste the rest of the day trying to get back on tracks.
  14. I'm not getting the email with the password either. Hopefully it will arrive some time soon. Thanks for organizing all this. (And I don't mean to blame any one for shutting down the chat, I hope it did not feel that way. I can see there are reasons for it.)
  15. It really saddens me. I feel that a lot of us are quite isolated, and the chat was an important presence/support, even if I did not always like the atmosphere there, it was important for me to know that there was a place where I could go and speak and chat in real time with people I "knew". I don't feel that it is less important than the boards. I will try the new one.
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