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About climber47

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  1. Oh I apologize... I forgot to explain that my depression is treatment resistant, and also doesn't come in episodes, I've had it for 15 years. I think my sig still says what I've tried so far, but at this point, I have to work WITH my depression, not against it. I'm kind of amazed that even on this board someone would say stuff like that... I understand you didn't mean anything or anything, but it's just funny how people just assume that you can treat depression. It's been so long since I thought that way that I just forgot. So I understand it's not a lecture... I'd love to take that
  2. Hi all... well I have pretty severe depression and ADHD (which I think more and more is at the root of the depression), and now it looks like I'll be probably getting a divorce. I have two young kids, 9 and 6, and both of us would prefer joint custody at this point. TBH, I'm scared to death. I tried posting about this on a divorce forum and got destroyed because they don't understand depression at all. But I'm really only semi-functional.... what the hell do I do now? Moving in with my parents isn't an option, so I'll be on my own. I'm just terrified. Even though I'm the one who man
  3. Yeah, I did 30 sessions of TMS maybe 4-5 years ago? It's easy enough, mildly annoying, like a woodpecker pecking at your head, but I would just watch Netflix and it wasn't too bad. Sadly, zero benefit though. But I'm an extremely tough case.
  4. 15 years of treatment resistant depression, so not looking for anything that "works." I've given up on that. I'm so tired of the pain and the crying. It hurts so much... I can't stand my kids just watching me sobbing all day every day. I don't know the right way to ask without sounding like I'm asking for medical advice; so maybe I can ask if anyone has taken any medications before that reduced the emotion? Basically I'd just rather be a zombie. Nothing is going to make me enjoy life again, but if I could just care less, maybe it wouldn't be so painful. I suppose it's impos
  5. I use online therapy. I did Talkspace for about 9 months or so, and I just started with a new therapist on Better Help. I've also had MANY in-person therapists and never got anywhere. But online therapy is actually better for me. I liked my therapist okay on Talkspace, and she was intuitive and understanding, although I can't say I made a ton of progress or anything. I don't even know what kind of progress CAN be made with someone as bad as me, but I'm giving it a shot. My new therapist is (I think) exactly the kind of person I've wanted to connect with; she's really no nonsense, tells it
  6. I haven’t heard good things and it sounds like a huge PITA, I think you have to have it administered in the docs office and have someone drive you home?? Like every dose? Its not racemic, a mix of the two enantiomers that make up ketamine, it’s only the left-handed “S” molecule, which has been shown to be less effective for depression than the right handed “R” molecule. I tried a compounded ketamine nasal spray... almost compounding pharmacies can make this and I don’t remember it being expensive, the only trick is finding a doc to prescribe it. Anyway it did nothing for me.
  7. I don’t think one has to have experienced it to necessarily believe that’s you’re suffering, but to really understand it I think you at least had to have someone close to you go through it. My mom and my husband do a pretty good job... they clearly understand I’m in a lot of pain, but truly understanding how it works is always evolving. My mom has trouble “getting” that I tend to withdraw completely when I’m really bad, but she often thinks it’s just her, or she thinks when I’m really bad that I should somehow be MORE open and communicative. She doesn’t get that I don’t want to talk about
  8. This may be more applicable to those who have been depressed for years, but I’m just curious how many feel like they’ve accepted the fact that they’re depressed and does it help? my depression is weird. It’s certainly atypical (which I didn’t realize is an official diagnosis until a few years ago), meaning I can experience joy if something good happens more or less, but my basic default state is pretty miserable. Still, I have lots of ups and downs, so I have days where I feel almost normal (NOT any kind of mania with the ups, just normal). And I wonder if that’s why I think I stru
  9. Interesting about NAC, I have some because I heard it was good for skin picking, but I haven’t tried it... buuut, sounds like it’s anither 6-8 week to kick in thing? Ugh, just not sure I can handle that anymore. I took a large dose (900 mg) of Gabapentin and I felt great for a few hours, but it wore off. I really got my hopes up. I tried 600 today and felt okay again for a few hours, not as good as last time but a bit better. It seems like it has potential, so maybe Lyrica is worth a shot.
  10. Hi all... I’ve been posting my depression journey on this forum; I recently got back my spinal fluid results and while they did find some things that were off (in fact my doc does think these things are causing my depression), they haven’t done enough research to understand the results or suggest treatment. So my pdoc is basically guessing at this point. I was off the charts for inosine, a breakdown product if ATP. There’s very little research but it’s been suggested that it’s a bio marker for people with chronic pain... so my doc suggested taking a pain med to help correct the imbalance,
  11. Important update... I emailed my pdoc about taking folinic acid preemptively (which is difficult to do in high doses given OTC doses), and he responded with “High dose folinic acid makes non-CFD people worse. Hunter 1970 Lacet.” So in case anybody comes across this post and wants to try it, probably want to find a way to get tested.
  12. Interesting developments regarding my situation. TL;DR- Some results are back, CFD is inconclusive, I have “dozens” of other CNS metabolite abnormalities that they’re looking into; one includes a vitamin C deficiency so pdoc advised trying high dose vit C; discovered that OTC folinic acid is 1/100th the strength I would need so I can’t just try it. And in other news, I have Asperger’s Syndrome(!) and it may even be related to all of this. So... this is bizarre but I very recently discovered I have Asperger’s Syndrome (aka Autism Spectrum Disorder). Wow. What a revela
  13. I’m not 100% sure at this point; that’s just one issue, the other is just disclosing my disability so that I’m covered in the event of disciplinary action, etc.; if you get fired for example, you can’t use ADA after the fact I’m pretty sure... you had to have disclosed ahead of time for protection. As far as accommodations... possibly more frequent breaks; more flexibility with time off or even (if I could afford it) reduced hours. But that was one thing I was curious about: what things others have requested. My workplace is already pretty flexible and easygoing, but it’s a situati
  14. Has anybody taken advantage of their rights under the ADA at work? I’m reasonably sure that depression can qualify, depending on the situation... just curious if anyone has requested accommodations, what they were and how that went? I’m debating disclosing that I have a disability (I think you can do that without disclosing what it is) if for no other reason than to cover my ass. I’m not always st my best, to say the least, and I’m terrified some dumb mistake could get me in trouble, and if that happens I need to have disclosed ahead of time.
  15. Well after waiting 5 weeks for results(instead of the two I was promised) I got my results... negative for cerebral folate deficiency sigh.... sucks. However, all hope is not lost... they tested my spinal fluid for I think 1000+ metabolites, and I have over a dozen abnormalities. Unfortunately, I have no idea if even the researchers know much beyond that... my pdoc says it’ll take him at least the weekend to parse through all the data from this test. He’s also apparently sending out my sample to another research institution to look into things further. But hopefully I’ll have more “leads
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