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Pearly

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Everything posted by Pearly

  1. So I'll message him and tell him the whole truth. If he says no at least I would not invested my emotions and my time
  2. So basically I was introduced to this guy through someone my mum knows. We exchanged a few messages. But these days I am having self esteem issues. I eventually got cold feet and told him i am not ready to meet anyone at the moment as I am going through some issues that I need to overcome. But I really wanted to meet him he seemed really nice and i really found him attractive through his pics. My problem is I have not have a relationship ever. I am 30 years old. I don't want to meet someone a few times, reveal a diagnosis and be dumped. I feel I want to go back to him and be honest with him and if he doesn't want to meet me after well then at least that would clear things up.
  3. Social situations stress me out. Not the job itself. I refuse to isolate myself. Why should I? So I got another job since and the history has started to repeat itself.
  4. I take into account both your opinions. Do you know how often I see my pdoc? It's been more than 9 months now. But sometimes I've gone a year without seeing one. It's frustrating. You go to your Gp because your having mood issues she refers you and you have to wait four months before you see someone. And when you do there's no point. You've quit your job and your mental state is much better. But I was fighting to keep that job. It was important to me. But they don't care about that.
  5. I don't want to develop TD. I've been on this med a very long time. I'd like to get off antipsychotics if I have the option They won't see me frequently enough. I keep getting discharged back. They're of the same opinion if it's Working I shouldn't waste their precious time
  6. I seriously find it incredibly hard to accept my schizoaffective diagnosis. I have not had a psychosis since that first one close to six years ago. I take 5mg Abilify. I feel i am not on the correct treatment. I'd like an antidepressant as well as a mood stabaliser. But the NHS pdoc a won't give me this option. I went to my GP and we agreed maybe I need to seek an opinion privately.
  7. I have this overwhelming guilt to the point I apologised to my colleague thought I was offending everyone in sight. I get paranoid they don't like me. Maybe they think I'm annoying too much to bear. But really is I feel this about myself. the dose was reduced I have not had a psychosis in almost 6 years and no I don't take anything else
  8. I suffer from schizoaffective bipolar. So the psychosis part has only ever happened once close to 6 years ago. But the moods have been a slight issue. Recently my dose was reduced to 2.5 Mg Abilify and since then I don't understand what's going on i cry radomnly stupid things set me off it happened at work mid day two days a row. I feel no one likes me. Even though they're probably stressed about something else that day and it's nothing to do with me. I feel like I can't concentrate. I'm tired and agitated. But you can't tell all of this from seeing me. Is this signs of an oncoming psychosis
  9. Hmm. But he said no to antidepressants as it can induce mania. But he agreed to take me off the meds but we agreed to do it over a period of two months.
  10. It's my third attempt to come off meds. The last two times I had terrible mixed / depressive episodes and I had to go back on them. I did not have a psychosis though. i have been psychosis free for over 5 1/2 years. I seriously doubt my schizophrenia diagnosis.I only take 7.5 Mg Abilify and for years I took 5mg. However due to a depressive episode I had to have that dose increased. I am seeing a psychiatrist this afternoon and I will speak to them about changing my meds or coming off completely.
  11. I would like to explore other options. I had not had psychosis in almost 4 years when i first tried to come off. I had to go back on because of mood issues not psychosis. So this time when I come off I'd like my mood issues to be treated with alterantive meds other than antipsychotics the side effects I hate the most
  12. I want to attempt to quit Abilify again for the third time (with consent) The first two times I tried to quit I became irritable, had crying spells, and couldn't sit still. I thought this was the symptoms coming back so I went back on it but I am starting to think this was withdrawals and I need to be off it longer for that to pass.] I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 2010. But that was my one and only episode of psychosis and I truly feel I am misdiagnosed. Later I got diagnosed with schizoaffective as I had mood issues but I don't believe that I think it was withdrawals.
  13. I am not in debt. In my mind I have enough money but part of me also knows I don't.... my mother pointed it out to me and gets angry every time I want to buy something. I have schizoaffective, bipolar type but I have not had a psychotic episode in over 5 years. I am finding it incredibly difficult to control these urges. Do you think this could be the Abilify that could be causing this? Or OCD? Because I never used to be this materialistic. I want want want. Today I had an argument with my mother to take out my share in the house so I could buy my own place. My arguments are not justified. I never need these things I want to buy. I just want those things because I am told I cant' have them that makes me want even more.
  14. I have already quit one job at the end of June. I'm almost about to quit this one too. I am frustrated with my inability to hold down a job. I went to see a GP today and she told me I need to take time off to collect my thoughts. But then I feel I will be letting everyone down. I'll be letting my job agency down as they so kindly offered me this post and I'll be letting my family down as I can't hold a job. Yesterday I came home and cried and cried because I just cant concentrate or cope. The stress is too much. I just want to crawl under a rock and hide so no one can see me.
  15. Hello, I was originally diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and then schizoaffective, bipolar. But I doubt I have bipolar sometimes. Anyway, I think it depends on the person. I know I can work full-time or part-time and am doing so at the moment and I am aware a lot of people with bipolar or depression are unable to. It really is an individual thing.
  16. My family have thankfully been really supportive. They've stopped me from buying everything under the sun (maybe a bit of an exaggeration) but the urges are definitely there and extremely strong when they occur. I do buy things here and there but I'm not in debt so it's ok. I can't stop myself. If someone has something I like I have to have it.. I have 4 cameras and I want to spend £500 on another one. I don't have a pin to my credit card but I can still press buttons on Amazon and all will be delivered to my door. The thing is though, I am not sure if this is a sign of mania or a really bad habit that I have because I cannot seem to recognise any other symptom apart from the urges to buy stupid things. I had a psychotic episode just over 5 years ago (my only psychotic episode till date) and hence the schizoaffective diagnosis but I sometimes question whether I am actually bipolar. But then again, I question if I have a mental illness at all. I really need the right treatment which I strongly feel i am not getting. Got an appointment for sept to see a pdoc.
  17. I was initially diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia 5 years ago but since then I have had issues with my mood hence the schizoaffective diagnosis. But I have not had a psychotic episode since that first once over five years ago. And I really want a re-evaluation because the only medication I am on is Abilify and I don't feel it helps when I have mood issues on and off.
  18. I have had one episode of psychosis over 5 years ago. I am schizoaffective, bipolar. So basically 2-3 years ago I worked in a mental health ward. One of the nurses there, I added on Facebook as a friend. But he asked for my number, which is ok, but then he asked me to go out for dinner which I made some kind of assumption out of and stopped all contact with him. So then two weeks ago I came across him again in a new job i started in a completely different hospital and he asked if I had changed my number. I said I did so he asked for it again. So I gave it to him ... reluctantly. So now it has been playing on my mind over and over that his intentions are not good. On the other hand I'd like him as a friend. But I don't want to get involved with this person (IF that is what he wanted in the first instance). I can't trust him at all. And I think thats why I say I am paranoid whereas my GP said its just anxiety. Part of me likes him but no one would approve and I can't deal with the stress.... She said it would be in my best interest not to work in that environment where there are mentally ill patients. Sorry I intitally added him on fb after i quit.
  19. I was fine this morning and now I don't want to exist. I am so exhausted. I don't want to shower. I feel like I can't even force myself any more. I wash myself everyday. I am scared that I am showing signs of psychosis but the nurse did not take notice. He asked me questions like are you hearing voices, seeing things, having delusional beliefs, etc.... And then he sent me back home. I was fine this morning. But right now I want to quit my job because I am exhausted. I am scared I'll do it. But to tell the truth my job is my only way out of my house. That is the only sad little life I have. My colleagues don't like me (is that not paranoia, am i not being delusional) because I am self absorbed and always think about myself... its always me, me me... When they talk to me with that tone of voice, I feel like I did something wrong. I know it may be that they are having a bad day and why the hell would they waste their time thinking even bad things about me... but i think those things. And I realise I am paranoid I don't care what the nurse says. The pdoc told me its depression and upped my meds and I still feel like I want the ground to swollow me up. I don't know what to do. Sorry I realise I am writing a hell of a lot but I can't control how I am feeling I am sick of feeling like this.
  20. My colleague did not say it exactly in those words but in essense that was what she was saying. I got really depressed one day and coudln't go to work. The next day when I went to work my colleague asked me how I was. I told her I got depressed and sometimes I do things out of character and that when I said I wanted to drop everything and travel the world on my own I was not thinking straight. She gave me advice like: Stop being negative. You are always negative. You are depressed because you want to break free from your family that is why you wanted to go on holiday. Going on holiday doing something for yourself is a good thing. I told her about my tattoo she said I should make a decision and stand by it. All this is good advice but the thing is.... I can't stop being negative sometimes and I can't stick to my decisions.. sometimes like getting a tattoo its permenant but i would be lying if I said I don't regret it. How can I stand by a decision like that. And then there is my uncle who told me to listen to some life coach and I'm depressed about something because I'm not happy with my life. There has to be a reason why I'm like that. I need to go back in time to find that reason and get over it.
  21. He thinks I was experiencing a manic episode but to tell the truth I did not feel manic, happy high whatsoever. He said my diagnosis of schizoaffective may need reviewing in a couple of years.
  22. Originally I was put on it by a pdoc for paranoid schizophrenia on the NHS. She discharrged me from Early Intervention. Now a pdoc (because I never see the same one) has left me on it for schizoaffective. My dose was upped about 5 months ago for depression but recently decreased to 5mg again and it was a terrible mistake.
  23. I don't have problems with my sleep so not sure its mania. But obviously I know you don't always need to have sleep problems to have it. if it turns out I am having an episode because I don't understand it myself as I am either really down or feeling normal and doing stupid things like getting a tattoo. I have this inability to make decisions and stick with them. I'm so frustrated because I don't know how I am going to be in the morning. Anyway I only take 5mg Abilify. I don't need more meds to make me blow up because I am already overweight as it is. What are my options? I'm seeing someone today but your experience is appreciated. I have had 4 opinions and half of them told me I had paranoid schizophrenia and the other said it was schizoaffective (but only had that one psychotic episode 5 years ago). I strongly believe it is bipolar as its been so long since I had the psychotic epside I guess time will only tell.
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