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Everything posted by Pearly

  1. I was thinking too that it may have been a mixed episode but I can never tell and don't remember feeling high although I have done a stupid thing which I hope I don't end up regretting.
  2. Seriously, I don't feel depressed all of the time. Like right now I'm not upset or crying. But I am extremely negative and I cannot shake this. I have a bipolar diagnosis along with schiz. The last time I got psychotic was almost 5 years ago. I have not had many highs and lows in between which is why I don't know if its bipolar.
  3. It makes no sense but last night I was so low in my mood I did not want to shower or do anything. Cried my eyes out. Then this morning. I had to go to work but I just could not face it. I did not have the energy to face it. So I went to my GP and she commented on how negative I'm being. She managed to get me an appointment to see a pdoc on friday. But I did not feel I could wait so I went to A&E and as I got there I felt like I'm wasting their time as I no longer felt depressed. But I spoke to the nurse there and he also commented on the negativity. I can't get myself out of this cycle of negativity. Call me paranoid if you want but I have this feeling no one at work likes me. However much I know there is no proof for this. And I know this is not true. But I can't stop this feeling of being disliked. Normally it does not bother me how they feel about me. Also a few days ago I was talking to my colleagues about life and relationships and all. Then when I left work I had this overwhelming urge to quit my job and go travelling around the world. That same evening I got so low. I can't control my moods at all. I can't decide on things or I make decisions and regret them later. Like the other day I got a tattoo on my arm. Good thing it means something but I got it on an impulse and I am so scared I am going to regret it. I don't know what to do because I am stuck in a rut. I used to wake up and want to go to work. But I just can't bare the thought of it.
  4. I've got paranoid schizophrenia / schizoaffective one of those....and I don't know what's happening to me. I find it a chore to shower everyday but I force myself and I am tired of everything. This is happening to me more so lately. I wake up go to work and come home. That is my life. It sucks. No friends. Nothing. Lately I have been getting really emotional. I keep feeling that my colleagues don't like me because why should they? I am a bitch....Just a weirdo. I want to die. But I have no guts or the energy to go through with it.I literally hate myself.
  5. So lately I felt the need to drive again so I am taking some refresher lessons. But now I don't care much for driving again. Today I was speaking to my colleagues and they said I need to become less dependant on parents and I left work and an idea came to mind. I was embarrased to reveal so much about myself to my colleague that I thought I'd drop everything and go around the world on a trip because I don't want to go back to work again. Then I changed my mind. I cannot seem to make up decisions what the hell is wrong with me? I am only on 5mg Abilify and terrified I am going to go psychotic all the time. But I have not had a psychosis in almost 5 years. My dx is schizoaffective.
  6. My grandmother said that if I'm going to get a tattoo i should get one of an om because she said nothing will go with me when I die but this will stay with me forever. I'm not particularly religious but I will always remember my grandmother whenever I see this. It looks a bit sore but only got it done today
  7. When you've been diagnosed with schizophrenia, say almost 5 years ago, when is the right time to try and go off the meds. I tried once with the GPs supervision a year ago and went off cold turkey and got really really sad , irritable and basically unable to function because of it at work. Mood was fluctuating but I very much doubt now that it was mania. I just think it was depression. I had to go back on them and now my pdoc said I can go off them but this time slowly. I am still considering.
  8. I have paranoid schizophrenia but recently there has been suggestions its schizoaffective but I haven't had an episode of psychosis in almost 5 years so it's a bit hard to tell for the pdocs. I have been working for 4 1/2 years successfully. It's stressful at times but I do love the challenge. I do worry about having an episode so I am extra vigilant more than I need to be sometimes.
  9. I saw a different one. Again. And he said that I can come off meds again but slowly as I have not had an episode in over 4.5 years. Obviously he didn't seem to agree with the meds.
  10. I am not med free. I tried it and lasted three weeks. I didn't go psychotic but had to go on them again due to mood issues. I have schizophrenia/schizoaffective
  11. I'm pretty sure it's not hypomania. And it's not just the tattoo. I want to buy something I change my mind 10 times over. The other day I saw a nice case for an ipad and I thought that's nice I gotta buy myself an ipad. Makes no sense. I feel a little better about it though. So I assume it was nothing. Thanks for pointing it out.They are. Nothing is ever done about it though.
  12. I have this issue I am having trouble making decisions. Like yesterday I went to buy a tablet (I already have one) but I ended up looking at a laptop (also have one). So because I couldn't decide I decided to walk out that shop and take a few minutes. I ended up at a mobile accessory shop where I bought a case for my phone. Turns out I didn't really need the laptop or the tablet. I just wanted to buy something that day. I saw a nice case for the ipad and I thought hey why not buy an ipad. Makes sense just to buy an ipad for the case right...sigh. There is something seriously wrong and I am not able to tell what. It is driving me round the bend.
  13. I find it very tough to make up my mind on things. What is this a symptom of psychosis? For instance, i've been thinking of getting a tattoo for a few weeks but I can't make up my mind. Thankfully i have not gone through with it but one day I like one design and the next I like something completely different.
  14. Had first episode of psychosis 4 1/2 years ago. I've had symptoms of other mental illness just not psychosis since then.
  15. Hey because we have schizophrenia malarone might be suggested for you as it is one of the safer options (although that doesn't mean it will not give you psychosis, there is always the chance but the chance is lower than compared to other meds). Speak to your GP first.
  16. It's schizoaffective, bipolar type. It was schizophrenia for 4 years. And I am so relieved that I am finally being listened to. Because my first pdoc just brushed off my issues to a schizophrenia diagnosis. That I was in denial. I wanted to have bipolar. So I just felt I couldn't discuss my mood issues with her. Everyone would tell me the diagnosis was not important. But it is. Because now i have the correct diagnosis. I will get the correct treatment. And hopefully some relief. They said eventually I may have to go on moodstaberlisers? and anti depressants.. which are the best ones you've tried?
  17. I work a 9-5 job and I do a good job. It's basically administrative work but it does involve a lot of careful thinking and I'm doing fine
  18. Well, I was well for four years before they approved my request to come off meds. My pdoc had adviced my GP to take me off whenever I was ready. So 3 weeks in and I started having some kind of manic episode or whatever it was but it wasn't psychosis and I had no choice but to go back on them. And I was diagnosed with schizophrenia for all those four years. Now they see it's schizoaffective. I saw another pdoc (I never see the same one it's not a choice of mine) who said i may one day be able to come off again but I highly doubt it from what happned the first time i tried.
  19. Pearly

    Want a tattoo

    Oh wow thanks for all your advice guys, at least I'd be able to decide exactly where I want it placed before they start colouring it in... I'm still deciding on the tattoo I want. I want the aum symbol but I'm still considering the design. I like this one but without the leaves. And I'd like it to be in one shade What do you think...I've decided not to put it on my wrist for work purposes but I can have it on my back. Its the only tattoo I'm gonna get so I guess I want to make count. http://i62.tinypic.com/5bycyp.jpg
  20. Pearly

    Want a tattoo

    I'm slightly worried myself that I might get it done only to regret because although I alway wanted one this to me feels like an impulsive desion and I'm finding it rather hard to wait. I don't know if I'm about to have an episode or not but it doesn't feel like it so I guess not.
  21. Pearly

    Want a tattoo

    I'd like something like the fourth image on the top row at the end https://0.s3.envato.com/files/54620868/VR-SG-V037.jpg but it has to be very very very small on my inner wrist towards the right side. Like this: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8eu7ws1s71qlocuyo1_500.png I'm 29 though and a little scared, not of the pain but it going horribly wrong. Hope they actually draw on my hand first. Anyone else have tattoos?
  22. I'm 29 years old and never been in a relationship. I know thats weird for someone my age. When i turned 25 and got psychosis for the first time I got put off relationships. I didn't think anyone would want me after that. I didn't want to burden anything with my problems. But things change and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I had a psychotic episode about 4.5 years ago. I did go off my meds and I had some symptoms but they weren't psychosis. I thought it was better to get back on them to prevent it from turning into a psychotic episode, my worst fear. My GP took me off my meds btw I didn't do it alone. I saw a guy last week (through a family friend) but I didn't really think he liked me. The fact that I drink probably put him off. Wasn't too happy that I invited him to a pub. I drink at least 2 times a year and I don't think that should be a problem. But obviously our culture doesn't permit drink so many don't approve. Anyway, i'm meeting another guy tomorrow and I am scared to death. Will he accept me with schiz, schizoaffective, bipolar or whatever. Whens the right time to tell someone? Because I don't want to leave it too late. What if I end up liking him and he won't accept me with this? I would be a depressed mess.
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