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About bookgirl

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    I think I can, I think I can

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  1. It gave me akathisia. I pumped my legs up and down like I was riding a bicycle for a good hour after taking it. Felt like I was jumping out of my skin.
  2. I totally agree with the Lilly Is All-Powerful theory mentioned above. Re: Prozac being contraindicated for BP depression because of how activating it can be in some people - the last time I took Prozac, I landed in the hospital for the first time in 13 years. I was psychotic and convinced I could walk out into the street and the cars/buses/etc. would just go right through my body like I was invisible. I was very, very tempted to run out into traffic to test this theory. This despite being on a hefty dose of Seroquel. YMMV, of course, but this is what we're being warned about.
  3. My tdoc is on vacation for two weeks (out of the country, inaccessible by phone) and I feel kind of unmoored. I'm in a depressive episode and my pdoc is out this week as well. I don't feel abandoned per se, but I feel like my safety net has been yanked out from under me. I keep thinking about my tdoc over and over and hoping he doesn't get killed in a plane crash while he's traveling. It's not erotic transference - he's gay and I don't find him attractive and there's utterly no sexual tension present. But this whole thing is making me realize that I'm more dependent on his help than I ordinarily would be comfortable admitting. It kind of makes sense, I guess - I still don't have any close friends where I live and my life taking care of my elderly parents is isolating and overwhelming. I keep fearing I'll land in the hospital without his help. Has anyone else ever felt like this when their tdoc was on vacation?
  4. I am an atheist and I had an EXCELLENT therapist who got his Ph.D. from an evangelical Christian college. Mind you, I volunteer in an abortion clinic. He was able to treat me nonjudgmentally and with compassion and an ability to see things from MY perspective. My current therapist is a male, gay, Catholic, and I don't identify as any of those things. For me, it's not about how similar or different I am from my tdocs, but whether or not they "get" me, regardless of any differences in worldview.
  5. Given that they reliably make me manic and psychotic as hell, with racing thoughts and delusions, I'd say antidepressants are NOT placebos in my book.
  6. My psychologist told me that the "kindling theory" that was in vogue around 10 years ago has been shown to be false in studies (kindling = the idea that each mood episode increases the likelihood and severity of more mood episodes over time). He's seen it be false in most but not all of his patients. At 42, I still struggle with mood episodes and am currently depressed. But I had two hospitalizations within a year when I was in my 20s, then no hospitalizations at all until I was 40, and then none since. So it does seem to have gotten less severe, caveat being that I am meticulous about taking all my meds as prescribed and go to therapy every single week without fail. By "less severe" I don't mean I never have ups and downs...I believe that I will struggle with depression in particular for the rest of my life. But serious enough for hospitalization? I don't expect to have to deal with that too much. Probably another time or two, but I don't see myself going in and out of inpatient treatment like I thought I would be doing when I was in my 20s.
  7. How you choose to identify is up to you. I consider myself disabled. I've been on SSDI and am in school with disability accommodations. My BP is at times debilitating enough for me not to be able to work or study or socialize normally. Although, ironically, I am considered high-functioning due to my having a 4.0 in a nursing major. But it is undeniable that it has been more of a struggle than it would have been had I not had a mood disorder, and that without my meds, tdoc, and pdoc, I would probably be dead.
  8. I prefer to have a psychologist as my therapist. Years ago, I was seeing an MSW, and she basically freaked out when I started (appropriately) taking mood stabilizers and an antipsychotic. She had no background in treating people with full-blown bipolar type 1 and was *very* unfamiliar with my meds. Fast forward to today, I'm seeing a Ph.D. psychologist who did his internship at a hospital, and nothing about me freaks him out. He's worked with many, many seriously mentally ill people and is knowledgeable about meds and also about psychological research. He can answer virtually any question I ask complete with recent research citations. Of course I don't know your doctor's reasoning, but that's been my personal experience.
  9. At this point (age 42 as of tomorrow and in therapy for the majority of my adult life), I can tell within one or two sessions. I HATE CBT and do not find it personally useful, find mindfulness exercises I already know how to do a waste of my time in session, etc. I like and benefit from psychodynamic psychotherapy, and can tell within minutes when someone is trying to "CBT" me. Two months is plenty of time to tell that your therapy isn't to your preferences/likely to help much.
  10. Ask if they have been in therapy themselves. If they say no, it is not a good sign. If they avoid answering entirely, it is a disastrous sign.
  11. It sounds counterintuitive, but the best for me has been psychodynamic psychotherapy, despite the common belief that people with bipolar type 1 with psychotic features cannot benefit from it. We're often steered towards the manualized behaviorist orientations, but I have a history of being abused by my father, and CBT just felt dismissive and invalidating and like I was being bossed around and nagged. I'm making all the positive changes behaviorists had been badgering me to make for years, and also learning about myself and the REASONS I do maladaptive things, which helps me stop doing them. YMMA, of course.
  12. I suspect you'll be fine and she was just checking in to see if what she's been doing has been effective; if not, she can try different approaches until you do find it helps.
  13. Some suggestions: Look up training clinics for Ph. D. candidates, preferably those affiliated with hospitals, as they very much welcome people with more serious treatment needs. They usually have VERY well-supervised, very good therapy by MA psychologists in their final year before obtaining their Ph.D. and even some post-doc Ph. D.s doing a second year above and beyond their requirements. And they can often make referrals to their graduates who practice elsewhere if you're not comfortable with a student. If you're looking for CBT, search for CBT training clincs. Ditto what I've said above. Psychodynamic - look for psychoanalytic institutes or centers and ask for a referral.
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