My mom and I are fighting..
It feels like she is attacking me about everything..
It's making me lose it..
Bailey was barking..it's my fault..
Dishes weren't done..my fault..
Recycling not out..my fault..
I am not well..
I slept most of the day away..I know I'm a horrible person..
I feel like I have nobody to turn to..
Everyone is against me..
I just want life to be over..
I texted my pdoc today in hopes of getting an appointment..
I'm waiting to hear back..
I don't know what I'm going to tell her..
It's always so hard for me to organize my thoughts..
I have such limited time with her..
I need to get to the most important thing that's happening..
I often end up breaking down and feeling ashamed that I let it get that bad..
I'm upset right now because she still hasn't gotten back to me..
I texted her yesterday morning..
I thought she would have responded yesterday..ugh..
It took everything I had to text her..
I've been avoiding this for so long..
I'm horrible at waiting once I make the effort to do something I've been putting off..
I hope she's not mad at me..
I feel like she is against me and doesn't want to help me..
Maybe I'm too much to deal with..
I'm back at getting up at 4am..
It's so silent at this hour..
I feel creepy and my mind is haunting me and is a mess..
I'm not ever going to tell my brother what I am going through again..
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@saintalto I understand what you are saying..
I feel like he used to care about me more..was more supportive..understanding..
He does show that he cares though..he sent me a card for no reason that cheered me up..
It's just that I used to feel I could turn to him for anything..he helped me through so much..
We used to talk more..now it's rare..
I think he might be done trying to be that person in my life that I can turn to..
I might be too much for him..
Small talk might be all we can do now..
Went to yoga yesterday..
At the end we all lay on the floor with our eyes shut and the lights out..
The instructor does a guided meditation..
She told us to release everything that was holding us down in our minds..
To let go of ourselves..
To let the weight of everything to leave our minds and bodies..
I was near tears..
It always makes me want to cry because I'm struggling to just live..
At the end I felt more grounded..
It was a brief feeling..
But I let myself live in this moment for as long as it lasted..
@Iceberg unfortunately my pdoc works alone.. She doesn't have anyone covering for her.. She often will leave for extended amounts of time out of country to visit family.. Leaving patients to fend for themselves.. Today I was talking with my mom and wondering how many end up hospitalized.. She is a good pdoc overall.. I just hate that she leaves.. And now I'm not sure if it's appropriate of me to contact her in case she's still gone.. She has more than me to deal with..
My pdoc doesn't have a nurse unfortunately..she's on her own.. I've never talked to my gp about mi stuff before..I am not sure how comfortable I am doing that.. I feel like I have to wait for my pdoc to contact me for my appointment.. She did say she would be back sometime in October.. I just hate all this.. There's too much going on and I feel abandoned by my pdoc..
I was in the shower and heard the doorbell and Bailey barking.. My mind went straight to that someone was here to take me away..and not in a good way.. I feel my freedom being taken from me.. I feel they are after me..I feel people are against me..it's getting hard for me to trust.. My mom wants me to contact my pdoc.. But I don't think I'm supposed to..I'm not sure if she's back in the country.. Either way I feel like I'm a lost cause.. Nothing seems to help.. What's the point of these meds.. I don't know what can be done.. I just can't go on like this..
Bailey had to go to the vet..
He has been chewing and scratching a lot..
He has what are called hotspots which are red areas on his skin..
They look awful..
They are right under his arm where there isn't much fur..
He's never had anything like this go on before..
I called his Dr to see if it was too soon to give him his flea treatment..
And it is..
So she thinks he has allergies..
He had to get a shot that is supposed to work within 24-48 hours..
It's not supposed to interact with his condition or his medication for it..so that's good..
The vet tech suggested getting him a t shirt since his hotspots are under his arms...
Not only so he can't scratch at them..
But so that he can wear his harness for walks..
They look painful..
But he's acting like it's no big deal..
I wish this universe would cut Bailey some slack..
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@CrazyRedhead I can't recall the name of the vaccination he got..
He's been getting the same food since he wasn't a puppy so I'm not sure if that could be the cause..
However..we did get him some different treats along with the same treats he always gets..
We have stopped giving him the new treats..but it didn't seem to help..
I always use the same detergent on his bedding and on my bed where he sleeps..
It's for sensitive skin..and I never use fabric softener..
No new cleaning supplies either..
So I don't know what started this..
We don't use any type of chemicals in the backyard..
And where we walk him they mark with flags areas that they have used fertilizer..
So we know to avoid those areas..
This morning he has stopped being so itchy..
So that's promising..
But I noticed that his hotspot under his arm is crusty and not looking good..
I'm worried about that..
He was scratching at that a lot before the shot..
I'm wondering if I should have the vet look at that..
@saintalto that poor doggie..
I hope we can figure out what's going on with Bailey..
The shot seems to be working this morning..
But I'd like a more natural solution if possible..
He has enough going on with his other condition and meds he takes..
Thank you for your kindness and support..
@coraline, he may need an antibiotic if the hot spots are not looking better......I think it would be a good idea to let the vet look at the spots again.
Glad to hear he's not scratching as much, at least......The injection your vet gave him is most likely Cytopoint...It would be a good idea to find out for sure what it was.
If it was Cytopoint, I could give you some helpful info on that drug, my daughter is going to vet school and knows a lot about pet medications.
Yesterday I bought two dresses that were on sale..
I haven't bought myself new clothes in ages..
Most of my clothes that fit have holes or are faded..
I used some of the money that I got from doing my aunties hair that I was saving..
It was meant for pdoc appointment..
I shouldn't have done it..
Now I'm going to have to be really tight on money when I have my next appointment..
Unless I do my aunties hair before..but that's not a sure thing..
Maybe I should take the dresses back..
Today in yoga..
At the end while we were all laying on our backs with our eyes shut..
Our instructor read a meditation poem..
The part that I felt most that brought tears to my eyes were..
"As we get older may we accept suffering"
"As we get older may we allow joy into our lives"
It was a lot longer than that..
But those lines just hit me..
My pdoc is going out of town for a month and a half..
She cancelled my September appointment and asked which meds I need refills on..
I listed the ones I will need..
I'm not worried about the ones that get set up for automatic refill..
But I am freaking out about the klonopin..
I just have a bad feeling about it..
I feel like I am going to end up in the same situation as earlier this month..
Where she wasn't responding to the pharmacy request to refill..
I feel like I will end up running out..or rationing it again..
I just don't trust this situation..