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About umekoshungi

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    Houston, Tx
  • Interests
    cooking, reading, painting

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  1. This is what mixed looks like for me but there is always blurring around the edges, Things that don't fit. Alot of what you described sounds pretty clear cut. Today im much more manic than yesterday but I still do miss sleep, and feel like i could just lay in bed all day except that I'd start ripping my skin off figuratively. So I'm doing all the things and hating every one of them, plus being totally irratible, and crying at the same time. Mixed blows. Glad you have appt tomorrow.
  2. If you are feeling watched but you know that that can't be true, is it still delusional? What does it count as thoughts of suicide if you're just ambivalent about death? Need to call the pdoc tomorrow, they always ask and they just want a yes or no. Sorry, I'm still learning how to work with the system. Any other helpful hints?
  3. I wish i had it in me to quote the stuff that I'm feeling too, that I identify with. There is stuff above that I feel and am glad to know I'm not alone, and there's hope that this too will pass. Thanks.
  4. I moved from Los Angeles to Houston on a 125cc scooter. Cried all over the place for all sorts of reasons like the gym because there were no fish in the pool. Painted my house horrible bright colors. Orange in my bedroom, green in the bathroom blue in the living room with black picture frames painted on so I could just tape photos up.
  5. I wish i could blame it on the meds.Goldfish brain has been going on longer than the meds though. Tdoc says it's concentration based and I'm not sure I believe that. I have trouble remembering what was for breakfast. I have to write everything down. I guess I'm just asking if this is normal for anyone while mixed. So far we have 1 "yes and it may be permanent."
  6. Thanks for the replies and the welcome. I'm on Geodon. Nothing else. It took away the spiders but it's not doing much else. I'll try some sudoko see if it helps. I feel trapped too.
  7. Hi all, currently in a mixed state. Been a while. Delusional and finally figured out what was going on when I started seeing shadow spiders. Yay! I thought I didnt need meds, like my last episode was gonna be it. Nope. Anyhow, it occurs to me that I've had a 2 second memory for some time now. Hense the name, goldfish brain. Just wondering if this is a normal part of bipolar for some people? Tdoc says it's probably just my concentration sucking, and I should be able to file things away in my brain as usual once I'm ok again. Thoughts?
  8. man i Really feel you there. Things aren't going well with my pdoc, and more than one person has told me I should switch, including the dr at an e.r. when I was in crisis and my pdoc wouldn't call the ER back. I made an appt with another doc. He spent 5 mins talking to me asked what meds worked for me and what meds i wanted. Nothing so far has worked at 100% and I feel my current pdoc doesn't communicate with me. I'm on Lexapro, was on lamictial, but got pulled because of a rash. Latuda is supposed to replace Lamictal? I Just don't understand. I tried to ask at my appt but there was no explanation offered. I just don't know what to do! I want help, I need help, Why is this so hard? The new pdoc basicially said well if none of these meds have worked for you, how am i supposed to help you, tell me what you want and I can get it for you. My response was simply I don't know what I need. You're the specialist. I need help. Can you help me? NO. wtf?!
  9. Thanks so much for all your replies. Part of me feels that if I needed therapy my pdoc would have just told me I needed it, and I should just man up and deal. Resume my life, and go back to work since i'm not dangerous to anyone. The other part desperately wants to figure all this out before I go back. I mean, bp is a big thing, right? I should pay attention to it and get totally stable before I try to go back to my life. I've made so many giant life choices in the last few months and I even find myself wondering if I made these choices in a moment of clarity or a moment of crazy... I've been second guessing everything. It dawns on me now that I don't know exactly what therapy is for. there are different types of therapy. What kind of therapist is this? It sounds like what I need. I have sooo many questions.
  10. First off- Hi. I was diagnosed bipolar 1 last month. I'm changing to yet another med combo, I guess this is normal. My pcd has been treating me for MDD since November. Then felt great for a while I'm told this was euphoric mania... then bought a motorcycle. My PCD referred me to Pdoc where the diagnosis was made of BP1 and GAD. I had a 2nd appt today with the Pdoc he changed my meds again. I don't know why, but I'll take them. I've been on lamictal for 3 weeks, not at 100mg yet- was on welbutrin, and he switched me to lexapro. I'm fine with all that, but... he asked me if I wanted therapy... I asked him if I needed therapy, he didn't respond. so my question is this... does anyone here rely solely on meds? From my reading it sounds like therapy is a given. Thoughts?
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