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About NobodysDamsel

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    This damsel in distress breathes fire.

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Great Britain
  • Interests
    Music, reading, movies, TV, games... the usual things.
  1. Where do I start? My friend and I were recently talking about how we feel weird with our t shirts and posters of a particular celebrity, because we have this weird and disconcerting feeling that they can see us, hear us, is watching what we do and judging. Yes..... we are crazy. I've had this feeling pretty much my whole life, and thought I was alone, until my friend confided in me that she feels uncomfortable when wearing her t shirt. I Googled it, and was surprised to find loads of questions on Yahoo Answers from teenagers who felt like their posters were watching them. They even said they couldn't get changed in their own rooms because of their posters. What the hell is this? It's physically impossible, absurdly crazy, for a human being to see and hear through an image, a picture taken in one second, one moment, years and years ago. It seems to be worse if the celebrity is deceased - perhaps they're spying through the paper, cotton, plastic etc. from another dimension, giggling at our private moments. Is this OCD, paranoia, social phobia, what? Is this really more common than anyone realizes?
  2. Probably a stupid question. I've never had any direction career-wise. Other people look at their skills and interests to figure out what jobs/careers are right for them, but I've never been able to come up with a single idea. As far as I am concerned, I have no skills... And, strangely, I don't have any real interests. I have racked my brains for years but no job seems right for me at all. The only thing I know is mental illness.... I've had severe social phobia (possibly bordering on agoraphobia) for years, plus depression, generalized anxiety, and a little OCD. Actually I started out with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, which I'm fairly sure I still have. My self-esteem is non-existent; minus zero. I'm in a constant battle with myself. I know how all of it feels, because I've been there. So, I was wondering if maybe my career is staring me in the face? Maybe I should help other girls with poor body image and social anxiety? Could I even do that? I mean, I've got a hell of a long way to go. I'm in CBT, and I still struggle leaving my home. Could I ever be well enough to help others? I know there are lots of different ways someone can work in mental health, so I'm not sure what would be "right" for me, if anything. I live in the UK.
  3. Operation Vuxen begins. Um...?

  4. I have got a lot of thinking to do.

  5. I'm sorry that happened! I guess it takes a big change in yourself to see how people really are. I know that we attract certain people when we are sick, and attract different people when we are well. I've heard that a lot and I keep that in mind when I think how I would like to have another relationship. I'm glad you found out that you are capable of relying on yourself. I found your story quite inspiring, and I really hope that you get back to your confident, outgoing, happy self very soon! Haha I think I know what you mean. I never used to wear pink or girly clothes when I was younger, but then at 15 I suddenly loved pink and bought lots of pretty, flowery, frilly clothes. It was quite a change. But everyone goes through those changes, probably... especially in adolescence, but probably throughout life. It is quite embarrassing though when people look at you all shocked and go "Oh my God!" I guess I am afraid of getting those weird, embarrassing looks and comments. But we shouldn't really care what others think so much.... we are who we are, and people change, I guess!
  6. Thank you all. Your replies make a lot more sense, and, thinking about it now, only good could come of it. If I were more confident and independent, a very large burden would be lifted from my parents. Also, I would say yes instead of no to invitations from my friends. Maybe I could even help my friend, who is in a similar sort of situation to me... things are happening in the UK right now that are putting a lot of strain on mental health sufferers, and it's getting to a point where it's do or die. They are forcing my friend and I to work, and that is causing us both a tremendous amount of stress and worry. Maybe if I can work on my self-esteem, confidence, and independence, I can tackle this and help my friend to tackle it, too. Besides, I need to change anyway, for me. It's unlikely that anyone would have a problem with me changing, but if they did, it would not be a reason for me to stay the way I am. I've been thinking about this mess going on in the UK, and I think it has forced me to get some perspective today.
  7. I'm sorry if this has already been posted by others. Lately I've been noticing that I'm actually afraid to change my behaviour, because I'm worried people wouldn't like who I turn into, and things would somehow get worse. I want to feel attractive, sexy, happy, hopeful, confident, etc. All of these are completely normal and people are expected to feel that way about themselves. But, I'm scared that people have gotten used to me the way I am, and that all of these things would change me so much that I become a whole other person. I would LOVE to feel like a brand new person, but what about my family and friends? If I felt attractive, sexy, and like a grown woman rather than a little girl, I'm afraid that my parents - who I still live with - would sense it, and would think I'm out to have sex. Frankly I'd love to be having sex, but it would be really embarrassing if my parents thought I was, or was capable of it. At the moment I'm almost completely sexless, like a little girl. I'm not a virgin, but I act like a child. I FEEL like a child. Which is probably the way my parents want it. I doubt any of that made sense to you! My friends are very shy, awkward, and have problems similar to my own. I think we are all introverts, and we all like rather childish things. I feel almost trapped by the childishness, and I'm desperate to feel more grown up... but my friends are stuck in the in-between from childhood to adulthood, too. I'm scared that if I were to act more mature, they wouldn't know what to do with me. That they wouldn't like me or be able to relate to me anymore. I've tried talking to them about my feelings of self-hatred and that I feel like I need to make a BIG change to myself, but... I'm not sure how they'd react if I did. When I told them, we were all being honest about our own fears and feelings. We pretty much just listened to eachother and looked at eachother. And fidgeted. I love my friends, but it feels really awkward with them. I don't know if that's just because we all have problems... it probably is. But I feel quite... reserved with them. And that really bugs me. Of course, I'm not only afraid to change because of what other people may think. I'm scared that I wouldn't be able to keep it up, that I'd be fake, that I'd just be lying to myself and others about who I am. I'm scared to feel sexy and attractive because then I might want to have intimate relationships. And that would make me feel very, very lonely. I also have this strange belief that I must act the way I look. I feel ugly, so I can't behave as if I were pretty. I look like a kid, so I can't act like a woman. Etc. Thank you for reading my thread!
  8. - I'm paranoid that people are noticing my skin problems and laughing, or thinking "Oh my God, gross!" or something similar - I'm paranoid that people think I'm really ugly - I'm paranoid at night of a house fire, or burglars - I'm paranoid that I would be attacked if I went out - I'm paranoid that people can see there's something very wrong with me - I'm paranoid that people can identify me online - I'm paranoid that people think I'm rude, crass, vulgar etc. - I'm paranoid that people hate me and find me annoying - I'm paranoid that my friends think I'm weird, unstable, confusing, common, and annoying - I'm paranoid that if I were to seek a relationship or sex, I'd instantly be cheap and dirty - I'm paranoid that if I were to start acting differently - by that I mean confident, relaxed, sexy, etc. - people would freak out and everything would fall apart
  9. I don't even know if I should reply when I can't offer anything even remotely helpful... but... I really relate. My self esteem is so low that I've had a lot of difficulty leaving the house over the past few years. I'm so deeply, deeply ashamed of myself, every thing about me is just horrible. I'm timid, dorky, vulgar, and ugly. I'm a complete screw-up, seemingly incapable of even the most simple of tasks. So, I really understood your post. I am so harsh on myself, too. I think it's definitely normal for social phobia to turn into self-hatred. Mine certainly did. I wish I knew where self esteem comes from. People just tell you to stop caring about what others may or may not think and to just believe in yourself, but if you have such deep-rooted negative beliefs about yourself, it REALLY doesn't seem that bloody simple. I guess it takes a lot of practice. I find that listening to music I really love is quite inspiring... sometimes I just sit and listen to my favourite songs and try to lose myself in the music. While doing that, negative thoughts and feelings disappear for a little while. I use it as my therapy, because I can't get any actual bloody therapy! This might not work for others, but it has helped me a little. I had to practice, though. I still have to force my mind to shut the hell up and listen. It relaxes me, for a little while.
  10. Where can you run to escape from yourself?

  11. Hard to say, so I'll just go by my daydreams! I figure if I'm doing things in daydreams, then they must be things I'd do if I was free of Social Phobia. Let's see: * Never been to a concert or festival. I would go to the Download festival (a rock festival here in England), and I would see my favourite bands on tour. Hell, I'd even go to random gigs. Wild! * I would go to the movies more. I hate the cinema... I wish I didn't. I wish I could sit there and relax with a movie like everyone else, without a care in the world. I miss that so much. * I'd have general days out, like going to theme parks. I haven't been on a rollercoaster in exactly ten years. Boo. * I'd take classes. I'd take a creative writing class, maybe an English lit class.... the possibilities would be endless. Maybe even French, why not? * I'd go abroad.... I've never been abroad. Isn't that awful? I want to see Paris, and San Francisco, and Rome... Sydney, Tokyo... OK I haven't got the money really, but let's say I did! * I'd be able to go out in public without feeling like the world is looking at me and taking the piss out of something. I'd go to the library and just stay there for hours, or I'd go to Starbucks and drink caramel frappuccinos while people-watching... and other romantic things. * I'd... possibly... date? Ah! I don't know. Whatever it is that people do for meaningful interactions with the opposite sex. * I'd have self-esteem.
  12. Hey there. I just found this forum and thought it looked pretty cool. I have severe Social Phobia, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, some Obsessive-Compulsive tendencies, and God knows what else at this point. I'm 23. I've been doing this for a while. See you around. .
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