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About whendovescry

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  1. I also take marijuana products. I was medical patient for 3 years but now it's all legalized in California. It's the only substance I add to the regular psych meds (abilify, celexa, lamictal). I find it calms me down and I take it instead of benzo's which I have a ridiculous tolerance to after many years. Just wanted to chime in and let you know there are many of us green people out there.
  2. I did shrooms in my teens before I was diagnosed bipolar at 24 after a long state hospital stay. My point being that I have great memories of those early trips. However, 6 months after that horrid first psychosis I went slightly manic and went to Amsterdam where it was legal back then (not anymore). I took the recommended dose and completely lost control over the situation 2 hours later. The walls were coming in on me. The TV spoke directly to me in a threatening way, it was induced schizophrenia. I was shaking and had anxiety from another galaxy and thought i would never come down. This was many years ago now. After that bad trip I didn't do any psychedelic apart from weed which I still enjoy for 15 years. I was scared straight. Lately though I have tripped on acid a few times alone with music, candles, phone turned off and other safety precautions. I live in a city where the whole psychedelic culture started so it's accepted and easy to find here. Weed is legal. I don't have any advice but to don't do it too close to mania since you can open that door while tripping and get stuck in that room. I would be as stable as possible if doing it after diagnosis if at all. Be sure to be on meds at the time and in a good mind space. Mushrooms can definitely make the situation worse and unbearable. You wanna be super careful.
  3. Thank you, whoever you are out there. It's just not good for MI and it can cause it. It's not for us. Peace out.
  4. Thanks for replying, Gearhead and yeah, good idea cuz something has to be done. I really feel addicted and have anxiety first and foremost but also psychotic features. Thanks for the reply. EDIT:Just read the article and yeah, it rings true for me that cannabis caused my psychosis .
  5. Hi, I'm on 5 different psych meds but I smoke so much weed I wonder if it makes the anti-psychotics ineffective. And I have such a hard time smoking less, I am legal, medical card and that makes it so easy. I get it prescribed for anxiety. I feel it just causes anxiety. I really hate this drug which is supposedly harmless and non-addictive because for me thats not true. It's messing with my life. I can't stop smoking. Sorry for the rant, but it was good to just say this. Fuck THC!
  6. Hey OP with the coke issues. I don't think this is the place to talk about your situation. if you go to bluelight.org and once there click on the dark side. They will be understanding and no judgment. But yeah, coke does not mix with psych meds and even acceptance forums like bluelight will tell you that.
  7. hey there, yes kratom is a good idea but it can NOT be smoked or snorted. Thats crazy talk. You can buy the powder online and put it in veggie caps. It has a mild pain killing effect. To your other point: how would you find fentanyl? it's not like anyone advertise "heres vicodin laced with...". I understand it's frustrating. I can't recommend buying oxycodone or vic's. hey Geared, I wasn't thinking, Im sorry. good luck.
  8. Thanks, Melissa, for me it's a deal breaker. I'm in a situation where I have to stay on psych meds, my diagnosis is bipolar but I have been diagnosed SZA in the past. Those links you posted gave me a lot of great info, again thanks.
  9. Hi, I am very interested in this. Wondering: can you do Ketamine infusions while on psych meds or do you have to go off meds in order to do it? I have TRD and am just surviving, not living. I could not find your FB group with those search words. Thanks for any info. Peace.
  10. Very few doc's will prescribe Vyvanse as it's an amphetamine and a powerful one at that.HIgh abuse potential, psychosis inducing etc I would personally love to be on vyvanse and take it responsibly since my fatigue/anhedonia has lasted 8 months now. but if you have a doc who's willing, it's worth a try IMO.
  11. I fully agree with this. it might feel wicked good in the moment but having gone through more than a full year of mania/psychosis in 2014-15 I'm just now stabilizing. the depression can be bone crushing and I might wish for something else but everything you mentioned (almost death too) happened to me during that year and I lost all my closest friends and allies. they couldn't take me anymore and when I did crash I couldn't take it and started drinking/taking benzo's and that just prolonged the hell. I really think i have "learned" to never stop meds again!! I still feel heavy guilt for the pain I caused my family. I try hard these days to be in acceptance and not regret my whole sorry life. MI has defined me and I feel its my fault for letting it.
  12. I'm in school now for the first time in 20 years ,since I got sick. I used to be a straight A student etc.intellectual,read tons of books. over the last 20 years I've been on every med possible,IP,IOP,a living hell. I'm supposed to be good now. I'm not. I struggle with comprehension of the material,have to read everything multiple times,got a C! it's so embarrassing.I feel brain damaged.BP changed the whole game.
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